After three long months....it is finally over.
It is hard to imagine the number of keys and words my fingers have typed. The amount of emails exchanged back and forth. The time spent pouring over & reviewing submitted files, commenting on each.
The ideas that were changed, ideas that were formed, principles put into practice. Friendships that were made or reestablished.
We are all changed.
I am excited to announce that after three long months, FALL QUARTER IT FINALLY OVER!!
I will take a days break to rejoice in all the ideas and learning that was shared and exchanged...then...onto preparing winter quarter courses. My job is so fulfilling in the way that I have the opportunity to see lives transformed and ideas put into practice.
I am relieved to have a break but I am so thankful for the work I am allowed to do. :)
Until January.....
Monday, December 12, 2016
Friday, December 9, 2016
Life is Messy...and that is okay.
Life gets messy...
It does not mean that I live in a pigpen and things never get clean. It means I allow toys to be scattered on the floor throughout the day, picking up at the END of the day on most days instead of spending precious time picking them up and then picking up the same toys again... about 5 times a day. It means I teach and encourage my kids to clean up after themselves (and it works!!!! even at 11-months old!). I much rather spend time PLAYING with my kids rather than being their maid and always picking up after them.
It does not mean that flies are fluttering in my kitchen around the dirty dishes in the sink. It does mean that it might take a full 24-hours to unload the clean dishes, reload with the dirty ones and start the whole cycle over. For me, this is one of my most dreaded tasks...who knows why, but it is. Tag-teaming and communicating with my husband ensure that our sink is empty about 50% of the time during the week. Seriously, I much rather spend time with my kids playing than doing the dishes (and if my husband wants to do them...even better!)
It does not mean that mold and other undesirable "things" are growing in my bathroom. It means I wipe things as I go and about every month or so I do a deep clean of the bathroom. With potty training, blowout diapers and entering the muddy-outside weather, my bathrooms sees a lot of action. It is hard to keep them sparkling. I would literally have to spend at least an hour a day to keep them sparkling....sorry, not going to happen. But again, I assure you, are bathrooms are clean and they do get a deep scrub just not on the scale they use to. I much rather be spending time playing with my kids then on my pregnant hand and knees scrubbing the bathroom.
- toys scattered (and tripped over)
- piles of unclean clothes (that probably should have been washed WAY sooner)
- dirty dishes piled in the sink (because you are either too tired or too distracted to put the clean ones away)
- bathrooms are not sparkling clean
- papers piled up on the kitchen counter (but at least the bills are paid, right?)
- emails let unresponded to (the important one always get answered)
...yet it will all be okay.
Being currently sick and 17 weeks pregnant, already having a 2-year old and (almost) 1-year old, priorities change. I am resolved with the fact that life gets messy and that is okay.
I use to have such a high standard of "clean" and an even higher standard for communicating with the outside world, being over the top thoughtful...then I had kids. I realized that I can no longer do everything I once did...at least not to the standard I use to hold. I am sure that one day I will get back there but it is freeing in a sense to let go of these high standard and embrace this season on a messy life.
It does not mean that I have totally disregarded my responsibilities as an adult. On the contrary, I think I take my role as an adult more seriously now since I have two (well, three) creatures depending on me, a husband to love, an employer to fulfill my work obligation as well as my community/friends to connect with and serve. Life gets busy. The true priorities will also be taken care of with the right focus and heart. This may mean that piles of papers get unfiled and stacked on my kitchen counter for a week or two. I am okay with that.
So, here is the current view of my living room.
On most days it does not look like this but I must say we are making some great and fun memories among the mess. I love the saying, "Please excuse the mess. We are making memories here." Welcome to my new perpsective on life. As I continue to work on embracing this season of life, join me! It is more freeing than you think to let go of some of those high standards and ..... well..... just live!
On most days it does not look like this but I must say we are making some great and fun memories among the mess. I love the saying, "Please excuse the mess. We are making memories here." Welcome to my new perpsective on life. As I continue to work on embracing this season of life, join me! It is more freeing than you think to let go of some of those high standards and ..... well..... just live!
Pease be upon you.
~B~
Monday, December 5, 2016
Worry: Pregnancy: What if I start bleeding...again?
Worry: the practice of trying to change or control the future by thinking and rethinking, planning and over planning for an event that has not and may not occur. To dwell on an unpredictable event in the future.
That is my definition. Yes, I have been worried...somewhat secretly... about pregnancy #3.
It all stated with pregnancy #1...
Pregnancy #1
Outcome- successful: yet at week 15 I woke up to bloody sheets on a Tuesday morning. Initially I was in shock. I called my close friend and told her I would be a "little late" to bible study that morning because I had blood on my sheets and had to change the bedding. Then...it hit me. I was pregnant and bleeding. My husband, then in medical school, was up in Seattle without transportation because he took the commuter bus. I felt stuck. I called my mom; she rushed over and took me to the doctor and supported me during this crazy, crazy day. My husband finally found a way back home by our scheduled "emergency" ultrasound. I had placenta previa and was placed on modified bed rest for less than a week. My bleeding stopped soon after and the rest of my pregnancy was normal.
Pregnancy #2
Outcome-successful: yet at week 11.5, again on a Tuesday, I was at summer bible study. As I sat on the couch listening to the DVD on the book of Malachi, I felt like I was "leaking." I casually slide off the couch just a few minutes into the video and headed to the bathroom. It was a bloody mess! I was incredibly shocked to see that much blood. I froze. For sure I was having a miscarriage, I thought. As calmly as I could, I walked out, grabbed my phone without saying anything to the ladies in the room and headed back to the bathroom. They must have sensed something was wrong because my good friend, whose NEW leather couch I just bled all over, followed me back into the bathroom. Thankfully my husband was in town at the local dentist. I called the office and he rushed over in what felt like just minutes with new clothes, lots of pads and the direct route to the doctor's office. It felt like forever until we were called back. I explained the large amount of continual bleeding; and I was prepared in my heart that we lost our second child. The doctor placed the heart Doppler on my belly...no heat beat. Instant tears welled up in my eyes as I was processing everything. The shadowing medical student brought in the office ultrasound machine so that we could verify what I felt in my heart was already decided...but then...we saw a heartbeat! Praise the Lord!! An ultrasound appointment was schedule for 2pm in a nearby city (the only place that had an appointment available). We quickly found childcare for our first born and drove as calmly as we could to the appointment. Upon review of the ultrasound, I had placenta previa...more sever than the last pregnancy. However, they were not all the way sure as they also saw a subchorionic hematoma. This time I was told I could not lift, run, be on my feet, etc. for at least a full 7-days, until me next ultrasound appointment. They said something like, "Well, you might be miscarrying but for now we see a heartbeat." Well, at least there was a heartbeat! Over the next week, support flooded in and friends came over to lift my first born in and out of her crib, changer her diaper, prepare our meals. ((See original blog post here: unborn-fight-for-my-child) Our prayers were answered. Our darling second born....well, was born! No complications beyond those scary weeks in which we had no idea what was going to happen.
Pregnancy #3
Outcome: To be determined.
This pregnancy has been vastly, vastly different than the other two in more ways than one. First off, I was literally nauseated for the first 13-ish weeks. Thankfully I never threw up. At times I could only handle simple, bland foods. In someways that was great because it helped me keep my first trimester weight down. :) Yet with each passing week, approaching the 11.5 week mark, I was more and more worried. I had an early ultrasound around 8-weeks. The doctor called...the DOCTOR CALLED...with the results. Never a good sign, right? Well, I did (do)? have the same subchorionic hematoma (blood clot) as I had with pregnancy #2 but she did not seem at all concerned. She wanted to talk me through the results so I was not shocked or concerned when I saw the results posted online. I was thankful for her concern and explanation. Although it did put me at ease...it also made me worry. So, 11.5 weeks came and went with no bleeding. We went on our "babymoon" / family vacation yet with each passing week I grew anxious. What if I start bleeding again? Last week was my "victory" week 15. It came and went with no bleeding and now I am happy to say I am 16 weeks along...with NO bleeding. I am trying my best to turn my worry over to God but it is so hard. Honestly, though, who by worrying can add a single hour to the day? (Like 12:25). Lets say I do start bleeding....what really can I do? Life is in the hand of the Creator regardless of what I do or do not do. So, I am trying to rest in this amazing gift...this third pregnancy with no complications (as of yet).
There is a reason why the word "worry," in various forms, appears 365 times in the Bible. One verse for each day. So, I put my trust in Him who created all...big and small...in the One who is more concern about this precious life growing inside of me..more than I will ever know.
Thank you Jesus that You are the One we can put our trust and lay our worry down. You are Faithful at bringing us peace and hope and joy beyond measure.
~Amen~
That is my definition. Yes, I have been worried...somewhat secretly... about pregnancy #3.
It all stated with pregnancy #1...
Pregnancy #1
Outcome- successful: yet at week 15 I woke up to bloody sheets on a Tuesday morning. Initially I was in shock. I called my close friend and told her I would be a "little late" to bible study that morning because I had blood on my sheets and had to change the bedding. Then...it hit me. I was pregnant and bleeding. My husband, then in medical school, was up in Seattle without transportation because he took the commuter bus. I felt stuck. I called my mom; she rushed over and took me to the doctor and supported me during this crazy, crazy day. My husband finally found a way back home by our scheduled "emergency" ultrasound. I had placenta previa and was placed on modified bed rest for less than a week. My bleeding stopped soon after and the rest of my pregnancy was normal.
Pregnancy #2
Outcome-successful: yet at week 11.5, again on a Tuesday, I was at summer bible study. As I sat on the couch listening to the DVD on the book of Malachi, I felt like I was "leaking." I casually slide off the couch just a few minutes into the video and headed to the bathroom. It was a bloody mess! I was incredibly shocked to see that much blood. I froze. For sure I was having a miscarriage, I thought. As calmly as I could, I walked out, grabbed my phone without saying anything to the ladies in the room and headed back to the bathroom. They must have sensed something was wrong because my good friend, whose NEW leather couch I just bled all over, followed me back into the bathroom. Thankfully my husband was in town at the local dentist. I called the office and he rushed over in what felt like just minutes with new clothes, lots of pads and the direct route to the doctor's office. It felt like forever until we were called back. I explained the large amount of continual bleeding; and I was prepared in my heart that we lost our second child. The doctor placed the heart Doppler on my belly...no heat beat. Instant tears welled up in my eyes as I was processing everything. The shadowing medical student brought in the office ultrasound machine so that we could verify what I felt in my heart was already decided...but then...we saw a heartbeat! Praise the Lord!! An ultrasound appointment was schedule for 2pm in a nearby city (the only place that had an appointment available). We quickly found childcare for our first born and drove as calmly as we could to the appointment. Upon review of the ultrasound, I had placenta previa...more sever than the last pregnancy. However, they were not all the way sure as they also saw a subchorionic hematoma. This time I was told I could not lift, run, be on my feet, etc. for at least a full 7-days, until me next ultrasound appointment. They said something like, "Well, you might be miscarrying but for now we see a heartbeat." Well, at least there was a heartbeat! Over the next week, support flooded in and friends came over to lift my first born in and out of her crib, changer her diaper, prepare our meals. ((See original blog post here: unborn-fight-for-my-child) Our prayers were answered. Our darling second born....well, was born! No complications beyond those scary weeks in which we had no idea what was going to happen.
Pregnancy #3
Outcome: To be determined.
This pregnancy has been vastly, vastly different than the other two in more ways than one. First off, I was literally nauseated for the first 13-ish weeks. Thankfully I never threw up. At times I could only handle simple, bland foods. In someways that was great because it helped me keep my first trimester weight down. :) Yet with each passing week, approaching the 11.5 week mark, I was more and more worried. I had an early ultrasound around 8-weeks. The doctor called...the DOCTOR CALLED...with the results. Never a good sign, right? Well, I did (do)? have the same subchorionic hematoma (blood clot) as I had with pregnancy #2 but she did not seem at all concerned. She wanted to talk me through the results so I was not shocked or concerned when I saw the results posted online. I was thankful for her concern and explanation. Although it did put me at ease...it also made me worry. So, 11.5 weeks came and went with no bleeding. We went on our "babymoon" / family vacation yet with each passing week I grew anxious. What if I start bleeding again? Last week was my "victory" week 15. It came and went with no bleeding and now I am happy to say I am 16 weeks along...with NO bleeding. I am trying my best to turn my worry over to God but it is so hard. Honestly, though, who by worrying can add a single hour to the day? (Like 12:25). Lets say I do start bleeding....what really can I do? Life is in the hand of the Creator regardless of what I do or do not do. So, I am trying to rest in this amazing gift...this third pregnancy with no complications (as of yet).
There is a reason why the word "worry," in various forms, appears 365 times in the Bible. One verse for each day. So, I put my trust in Him who created all...big and small...in the One who is more concern about this precious life growing inside of me..more than I will ever know.
Thank you Jesus that You are the One we can put our trust and lay our worry down. You are Faithful at bringing us peace and hope and joy beyond measure.
~Amen~
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Pt. 2: When It Rains It Pours: The hardest season of life
The kids are down for the night. Husband is working late (until at least 1am). And I am drinking some peppermint tea in hopes of soothing my very sore and swollen throat. As I snuck in a shower, I began to reflect on my previous blog and all that this hard season is and has been teaching me...to be honest, something I have not done until just a few moments ago.
It is easy to complain about where God has us or just plain forget that God always has a plan. So, I am choosing to have a different attitude (...thanks for letting me vent in my past posting).
Trials, hard seasons, whatever you want to call them...they test us. I have found that four areas of my life have been testing quiet a lot in these past months:
1. My Faith: I wish I could say that I have been on my knees everyday petitioning to God about all the happenings in my life. I haven't. Who has time? (I cringe as I type that last question). I was so caught up in just surviving, especially this past month, that I have spent little to no time diving in the WORD myself. Conviction! I know that God is always with me and He guides my path everyday...I have seen glimpses of Him controlling my tongue or my attitude towards my kids or husband or making a way for me to get my grading done or prepare for my son's first birthday but it is sad that this, my faith, has not been my top priority. My faith in Jesus grounds me. Gives me peace. Gives me hope. Helps me put life into proper perspective. To serve others and look beyond what I consider "horrible" circumstances. I certainly have been failing this part of the "test" but I am thankful that His mercies renew everyday and that I love Jesus and He loves me without a checklist of dos and don'ts. Seriously, thank you Jesus!
2. My Marriage: Like ships passing in the night (or at the front door), I can certainly say that this is not the strongest point our marriage has ever seen. So many changes have happened (and will happen) in these months that it literally has felt like a bunch of mini-business interactions, logistics of getting life sorted out and taken care of. Date night has been nonexistent, minus last Monday when we went to the Banff Film Festival. We both have been sick, taking turns of course, and as a result, the other has willingly taken up the slack of the grocery shopping, laundry, child care, etc. Text messages have taken the place of most face-to-face conversations due to necessity of our schedules. When will life slow down? I am thankful for all of the pictures we have posted around our house of our great adventures, some local some aboard. They remind me of who we were as a couple, who I want us to be and all of the great qualities I love about the man I married nearly 7 years ago. We are certainly in it for the long haul. I am SO thankful to have him by myself and fighting for us just as hard as I am! This is not a test I will fail! :)
3. My Family: First, my children. What a blessing and joy they truly are. They both have such unique and amazing personalities that come out more and more everyday. It is a privilege to shepherd them and get a front row seat to view of every stage of development. Although I feel as though I have ages YEARS since having them due to sleepless nights and the worries that most parents have, I would not trade this journey in for anything. Being a mother to them, especially in this hard season, has taught me more about love, patience, respect and noticing the details. (Trust me, the love and patience things is a HUGE test with a 2-year old and an 11-month old who wants to chew on everything and destroy everything). It has offered me the new perspective of seeing these changes from their world's view instead of mine. It has allowed me to include them in the craziness of life as we deal with life and death, rearrange our house to accommodate a new baby brother or sister and to teach about giving as we sort through to get rid of toys/clothes/etc. It is a learning opportunity in which I can teach them both how to handle life's hard circumstances with grace. It is an opportunity to teach them about praying for those arounds them who might also be struggling with change and transition. Secondly, this hard season has tested the relationships we have with our immediate families. I am thankful for our immediate families who have so willingly taken the kids or sent text messages just to see how we are. It is a true testament to all those popular and well known says that we can lean on family in hard times. This is so true.
4. My Friends: In prior seasons, I have spent so much more time investing into friendships than I have in the past three months. I would arrange coffee or play dates, social gatherings or group events. I have been slacking in this area. Although my heart is craving this authentic one-on-one or group time with my closest friends, I just have not have the room in my mind to plan or take care of one more event. (But please, if you want to get together, please let me know!!!). A few friends in this particular season have really stepped up when our family needed it the most. (Literally) offering a shoulder to cry on, a good meal, or care for both of our kids so we could take care of the responsibilities that come with being an adult. Some friendships have been but aside with little to no interaction while others have seemingly survived with the occasional text message here or there. Despite the different seasons we (as humans) go through, often times our friendships go through seasons too. I must say that I have been so INCREDIBLY grateful for those who have personally invested their lives with our durning this hard season...who get it without having to ask questions or without needing an explanation for the reason I just might not seem "happy" on a particular day. It reminds me of Proverbs 18:24 "...but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." So for those of you who have done this for us, we are so, so grateful for your love and partnership as we share in this journey of life.
So there you have it...for now. I know there are many, MANY other areas of my life being tested (such as full-time-work vs. full-time-life balance and becoming a mother of three under three among other topics listed above), but for now, I rejoice! COME ON! It is Christmas time! A time when we get to focus of the miraculous gift of Baby Jesus...the amazing life Jesus lived and what He taught us through that life that carries on today. So, if you are facing a hard season: pray, focus on your marriage and those relationships that matter most. Learn to count your blessings and surround yourself with those who will willingly walk though life without...with no judgement or hesitation but but pure love, honesty and grace.
Peace be upon you, my friends.
It is easy to complain about where God has us or just plain forget that God always has a plan. So, I am choosing to have a different attitude (...thanks for letting me vent in my past posting).
Trials, hard seasons, whatever you want to call them...they test us. I have found that four areas of my life have been testing quiet a lot in these past months:
- My Faith
- My Marriage
- My Family
- My Friends
1. My Faith: I wish I could say that I have been on my knees everyday petitioning to God about all the happenings in my life. I haven't. Who has time? (I cringe as I type that last question). I was so caught up in just surviving, especially this past month, that I have spent little to no time diving in the WORD myself. Conviction! I know that God is always with me and He guides my path everyday...I have seen glimpses of Him controlling my tongue or my attitude towards my kids or husband or making a way for me to get my grading done or prepare for my son's first birthday but it is sad that this, my faith, has not been my top priority. My faith in Jesus grounds me. Gives me peace. Gives me hope. Helps me put life into proper perspective. To serve others and look beyond what I consider "horrible" circumstances. I certainly have been failing this part of the "test" but I am thankful that His mercies renew everyday and that I love Jesus and He loves me without a checklist of dos and don'ts. Seriously, thank you Jesus!
2. My Marriage: Like ships passing in the night (or at the front door), I can certainly say that this is not the strongest point our marriage has ever seen. So many changes have happened (and will happen) in these months that it literally has felt like a bunch of mini-business interactions, logistics of getting life sorted out and taken care of. Date night has been nonexistent, minus last Monday when we went to the Banff Film Festival. We both have been sick, taking turns of course, and as a result, the other has willingly taken up the slack of the grocery shopping, laundry, child care, etc. Text messages have taken the place of most face-to-face conversations due to necessity of our schedules. When will life slow down? I am thankful for all of the pictures we have posted around our house of our great adventures, some local some aboard. They remind me of who we were as a couple, who I want us to be and all of the great qualities I love about the man I married nearly 7 years ago. We are certainly in it for the long haul. I am SO thankful to have him by myself and fighting for us just as hard as I am! This is not a test I will fail! :)
3. My Family: First, my children. What a blessing and joy they truly are. They both have such unique and amazing personalities that come out more and more everyday. It is a privilege to shepherd them and get a front row seat to view of every stage of development. Although I feel as though I have ages YEARS since having them due to sleepless nights and the worries that most parents have, I would not trade this journey in for anything. Being a mother to them, especially in this hard season, has taught me more about love, patience, respect and noticing the details. (Trust me, the love and patience things is a HUGE test with a 2-year old and an 11-month old who wants to chew on everything and destroy everything). It has offered me the new perspective of seeing these changes from their world's view instead of mine. It has allowed me to include them in the craziness of life as we deal with life and death, rearrange our house to accommodate a new baby brother or sister and to teach about giving as we sort through to get rid of toys/clothes/etc. It is a learning opportunity in which I can teach them both how to handle life's hard circumstances with grace. It is an opportunity to teach them about praying for those arounds them who might also be struggling with change and transition. Secondly, this hard season has tested the relationships we have with our immediate families. I am thankful for our immediate families who have so willingly taken the kids or sent text messages just to see how we are. It is a true testament to all those popular and well known says that we can lean on family in hard times. This is so true.
4. My Friends: In prior seasons, I have spent so much more time investing into friendships than I have in the past three months. I would arrange coffee or play dates, social gatherings or group events. I have been slacking in this area. Although my heart is craving this authentic one-on-one or group time with my closest friends, I just have not have the room in my mind to plan or take care of one more event. (But please, if you want to get together, please let me know!!!). A few friends in this particular season have really stepped up when our family needed it the most. (Literally) offering a shoulder to cry on, a good meal, or care for both of our kids so we could take care of the responsibilities that come with being an adult. Some friendships have been but aside with little to no interaction while others have seemingly survived with the occasional text message here or there. Despite the different seasons we (as humans) go through, often times our friendships go through seasons too. I must say that I have been so INCREDIBLY grateful for those who have personally invested their lives with our durning this hard season...who get it without having to ask questions or without needing an explanation for the reason I just might not seem "happy" on a particular day. It reminds me of Proverbs 18:24 "...but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." So for those of you who have done this for us, we are so, so grateful for your love and partnership as we share in this journey of life.
So there you have it...for now. I know there are many, MANY other areas of my life being tested (such as full-time-work vs. full-time-life balance and becoming a mother of three under three among other topics listed above), but for now, I rejoice! COME ON! It is Christmas time! A time when we get to focus of the miraculous gift of Baby Jesus...the amazing life Jesus lived and what He taught us through that life that carries on today. So, if you are facing a hard season: pray, focus on your marriage and those relationships that matter most. Learn to count your blessings and surround yourself with those who will willingly walk though life without...with no judgement or hesitation but but pure love, honesty and grace.
Peace be upon you, my friends.
When It Rains It Pours: The hardest season of life
You have heard the saying, "when it rains it pours." Well, that is the most accurate description of my life right now. Let me explain...
It all started in late August when we were surprised with the news of baby #3. In many ways it was an answer to our prayers because we were truly undecided if we should have a third. Well, God answered that for us and in His perfect timing. Literally at day one of this pregnancy I felt nauseous...immediately I knew I was pregnant.
The month quickly transitioned from summer to fall which is a season of new beginnings and lots of planning. After having almost 3 months off of teaching, I was thrusted into the full swing of teaching 4 university level courses in addition to being a full-time stay at home mom...pregnant again with non-stop nausea. Fun. With the husband working mostly afternoon into evening shifts that left me feeding, bathing and putting our VERY two-years-old and 10-month old to sleep most nights. Talk about exhausting. I will confess that I made way too much mac & cheese or fish sticks for dinner. Mom of the year award for frozen & processed foods! When I had just my daughter I would have NEVER DREAMED of giving her these types of foods. Sorry son. To top the craziest of our September begins, both my husband & I are bible study leaders. Yea, way to add one more thing! Oh and did I mention that our 10-month old son still gets up 2-4 times a night. Boy, let me tell you how refreshed I am in the morning.
October started off fine. We were finding our balance as a family and I was learning how to manage my nausea along with my million other responsibilities. We began the "big bedroom move" which consisted of combining offices (down to one shared desk between my husband and I...so far so good), purging my clothing to combine two closest into one tiny shared closet with my hubby and cleaning out our back room in preparation to move our son downstairs so that the current nursery could be re-done for baby 3. As we slowly made progress, my nausea began to subside and life felt like it was getting back to normal....until we woke up mid-October to many text messages and phone calls sent during the night. Tyler's mother had passed away.
It shouldn't have been as much as a shock as it was. In early September, the family made the decision to put her on hospice care. She had a saddle pulmonary embolism over three years prior which left her bed bound and unable to retain most of her short-term memory. Regardless of her condition, it is never easy when a family member passes (expected or not). So, just as we felt our life normalizing, we were in the throughs of dealing with cremation and memorial planning. Her death brought up a lot of memories from my husband's childhood, some good, some bad. It took roughly two weeks for things to settle...at least for most of the logistics to be taken care of (we are still dealing with some minor items from her estate). Before we knew it November had arrived. The month that we had been planning for since June.
Back in June we has decided to plan a family trip to Maui to support my husband's required continuing medical education. He found a great conference in Maui which would allow him to get the knowledge and CME credits he needed as well as a great opportunity to spend some family time together. This trip occurred just two weeks after his mom died. In addition to preparing for her memorial, we were packing our bags to fly to Hawaii. Talk about mixed emotions and WAY too much planning for such a short timeframe. We made it though, our bags packed and kids prepared. We arrived at the airport that first week in November with plenty of time to check our bags and find our gate. When we finally boarded at 10am, we learned there was an engine problem. Grounded, on the plane with two kids, for an hour! They fixed the problem. We all found our seats again and we eagerly awaited takeoff. Forty-five minutes into our flight... over the Pacific Ocean... the engine problem reoccurred. We had no choice but to fly back to the airport so that they could fix the plane. Long story short, our plane ended up not taking off until 1:45AM...talk about a "slight" delay. It felt relentless especially after all of the stress leading up to this trip. I wish I could say that our trip got better but it didn't. Both kids got sick (as well as my husband) and our boy decided that it was the perfect time to cut teeth. In addition, our two-year decided to become two on this trip...you know the "NO! I do it! No help please! MY TURN" kinda two. She had NEVER acted like this until Hawaii. Needless to say, everyday was a battle. The husband left at 7am to return at 1pm Monday-Friday for his conference. I was literally done dealing with the kids and my nausea by the time he made it back to the condo. My son not sleeping through the night (waking 3-5 times was slightly obnoxious too)...so here we were in tropical paradise struggling to embrace this so-called "vacation." To be honest, we almost left 4-days early but decided to stick it out. Overall, we were glad that we went for those few and far between fun memories we made but it certainly was not relaxing and we did not come back tan!
The day after we got back, I jumped right back into my role as Relay Center Coordinator for Operation Christmas Child. I coordinate a team of volunteers every year to help collect shoebox gifts that are sent around the world. It is a great project but a lot of work to organize. I was exhausted with little rest but really, what are you going to do? The day after was my families Thanksgiving which involved shopping and preparing a few side dishes for the festivities...seriously...one thing after another after another. We enjoyed the gathering and the food but were thankful to come home and rest once the evening was done. The following week was real Thanksgiving. We were glad to purchase our side dish and bring it instead of making it from scratch.
Thanksgiving has always been a great time of year for my family and a stepping stone to Christmas. Which this year seemed to approach quicker than any other year due to the craziness of life.....OH YEA! And our son's first birthday! December has started off trying to catch up....decorating, buying gifts, planning my son's first birthday party, planning a gender reveal party for the end of the month for baby 3, finishing our "big bedroom move"...did I mention I started this month off being sick? Knock down, don't touch me or talk to me sick? Just one more thing. I am praying that the craziness of this life's season will pass quickly while trying to embrace the great memories in between but it sure has been hard to remain upbeat, positive and mentally together dealing with all of these challenges.
I guess the saying is right, when it rains it pours!
PS- when my husband got into his car today to drive to his 12-hour shift...he sat on a bee and got stung... IN DECEMBER!! Seriously, Lord, please have mercy on us.
It all started in late August when we were surprised with the news of baby #3. In many ways it was an answer to our prayers because we were truly undecided if we should have a third. Well, God answered that for us and in His perfect timing. Literally at day one of this pregnancy I felt nauseous...immediately I knew I was pregnant.
The month quickly transitioned from summer to fall which is a season of new beginnings and lots of planning. After having almost 3 months off of teaching, I was thrusted into the full swing of teaching 4 university level courses in addition to being a full-time stay at home mom...pregnant again with non-stop nausea. Fun. With the husband working mostly afternoon into evening shifts that left me feeding, bathing and putting our VERY two-years-old and 10-month old to sleep most nights. Talk about exhausting. I will confess that I made way too much mac & cheese or fish sticks for dinner. Mom of the year award for frozen & processed foods! When I had just my daughter I would have NEVER DREAMED of giving her these types of foods. Sorry son. To top the craziest of our September begins, both my husband & I are bible study leaders. Yea, way to add one more thing! Oh and did I mention that our 10-month old son still gets up 2-4 times a night. Boy, let me tell you how refreshed I am in the morning.
October started off fine. We were finding our balance as a family and I was learning how to manage my nausea along with my million other responsibilities. We began the "big bedroom move" which consisted of combining offices (down to one shared desk between my husband and I...so far so good), purging my clothing to combine two closest into one tiny shared closet with my hubby and cleaning out our back room in preparation to move our son downstairs so that the current nursery could be re-done for baby 3. As we slowly made progress, my nausea began to subside and life felt like it was getting back to normal....until we woke up mid-October to many text messages and phone calls sent during the night. Tyler's mother had passed away.
It shouldn't have been as much as a shock as it was. In early September, the family made the decision to put her on hospice care. She had a saddle pulmonary embolism over three years prior which left her bed bound and unable to retain most of her short-term memory. Regardless of her condition, it is never easy when a family member passes (expected or not). So, just as we felt our life normalizing, we were in the throughs of dealing with cremation and memorial planning. Her death brought up a lot of memories from my husband's childhood, some good, some bad. It took roughly two weeks for things to settle...at least for most of the logistics to be taken care of (we are still dealing with some minor items from her estate). Before we knew it November had arrived. The month that we had been planning for since June.
Back in June we has decided to plan a family trip to Maui to support my husband's required continuing medical education. He found a great conference in Maui which would allow him to get the knowledge and CME credits he needed as well as a great opportunity to spend some family time together. This trip occurred just two weeks after his mom died. In addition to preparing for her memorial, we were packing our bags to fly to Hawaii. Talk about mixed emotions and WAY too much planning for such a short timeframe. We made it though, our bags packed and kids prepared. We arrived at the airport that first week in November with plenty of time to check our bags and find our gate. When we finally boarded at 10am, we learned there was an engine problem. Grounded, on the plane with two kids, for an hour! They fixed the problem. We all found our seats again and we eagerly awaited takeoff. Forty-five minutes into our flight... over the Pacific Ocean... the engine problem reoccurred. We had no choice but to fly back to the airport so that they could fix the plane. Long story short, our plane ended up not taking off until 1:45AM...talk about a "slight" delay. It felt relentless especially after all of the stress leading up to this trip. I wish I could say that our trip got better but it didn't. Both kids got sick (as well as my husband) and our boy decided that it was the perfect time to cut teeth. In addition, our two-year decided to become two on this trip...you know the "NO! I do it! No help please! MY TURN" kinda two. She had NEVER acted like this until Hawaii. Needless to say, everyday was a battle. The husband left at 7am to return at 1pm Monday-Friday for his conference. I was literally done dealing with the kids and my nausea by the time he made it back to the condo. My son not sleeping through the night (waking 3-5 times was slightly obnoxious too)...so here we were in tropical paradise struggling to embrace this so-called "vacation." To be honest, we almost left 4-days early but decided to stick it out. Overall, we were glad that we went for those few and far between fun memories we made but it certainly was not relaxing and we did not come back tan!
The day after we got back, I jumped right back into my role as Relay Center Coordinator for Operation Christmas Child. I coordinate a team of volunteers every year to help collect shoebox gifts that are sent around the world. It is a great project but a lot of work to organize. I was exhausted with little rest but really, what are you going to do? The day after was my families Thanksgiving which involved shopping and preparing a few side dishes for the festivities...seriously...one thing after another after another. We enjoyed the gathering and the food but were thankful to come home and rest once the evening was done. The following week was real Thanksgiving. We were glad to purchase our side dish and bring it instead of making it from scratch.
Thanksgiving has always been a great time of year for my family and a stepping stone to Christmas. Which this year seemed to approach quicker than any other year due to the craziness of life.....OH YEA! And our son's first birthday! December has started off trying to catch up....decorating, buying gifts, planning my son's first birthday party, planning a gender reveal party for the end of the month for baby 3, finishing our "big bedroom move"...did I mention I started this month off being sick? Knock down, don't touch me or talk to me sick? Just one more thing. I am praying that the craziness of this life's season will pass quickly while trying to embrace the great memories in between but it sure has been hard to remain upbeat, positive and mentally together dealing with all of these challenges.
I guess the saying is right, when it rains it pours!
PS- when my husband got into his car today to drive to his 12-hour shift...he sat on a bee and got stung... IN DECEMBER!! Seriously, Lord, please have mercy on us.
Friday, October 14, 2016
Retaining "me" in the midst of everything
It is 3:45pm on a Friday afternoon. Both kids are sleeping (YES! at the same time!!). And I have re-warmed my morning coffee (for the second time) in hopes to finally finish just one-cup before the caffeine keeps me awake all night.
After a day of wind breezing through the sky and rain filling the earth, the sun peeks through my kitchen window. I breathe.
It has been a long week. A week of balancing one-sick infant and a very active toddler, caring for and grading multiple assignments for over 150 students, remembering to (finally) put the clothes in the dryer. After 5-loads of backed-up laundry waiting to be put away...it happened! Everything is back in its proper home. My to-do list is still long...seems like it always is yet I take a moment to enjoy the silence of my house. No one wanting me. The house not beckoning for attention (I am ignoring the toys scattered on the living room floor behind me). In this moment, I reflect on why it matters to still retain "ME" in the midst of the demands the world brings.
After a day of wind breezing through the sky and rain filling the earth, the sun peeks through my kitchen window. I breathe.
It has been a long week. A week of balancing one-sick infant and a very active toddler, caring for and grading multiple assignments for over 150 students, remembering to (finally) put the clothes in the dryer. After 5-loads of backed-up laundry waiting to be put away...it happened! Everything is back in its proper home. My to-do list is still long...seems like it always is yet I take a moment to enjoy the silence of my house. No one wanting me. The house not beckoning for attention (I am ignoring the toys scattered on the living room floor behind me). In this moment, I reflect on why it matters to still retain "ME" in the midst of the demands the world brings.
- My passions allow me to get excited.
- My hobbies recharge me which in turn makes me a better wife, mommy, and friend.
- My relationship with Jesus often suffers at the constant tugging or crying of my children. Investing in this daily (although it doesn't always happen), allows me to maintain a godly point of view (when all I really want to do is overreact).
- Connecting with friends via text, email or phone allows me to encourage others which in turn encourages me.
This is a very short list (because I know my kids will soon be stirring and seeking snacks, dinner, etc.) but this concept of "retaining me" in the midst of everything is so important to explore. Just because I am a wife, mom, friend, teacher, leader, etc. I do not want to forsake the gifts and passions God has instilled in me. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who supports my crazy (and over abundance) of party planning or my new organizational idea. As often as he can due to his work schedule he watches the kids so I can sneak away to a coffeeshop to read, do Bible Study or simply sit. I am blessed to have the love and support of a wonderful family who also helps me "retain me." Although the "me" now looks drastically different than my "me" before kids, I have to be okay with how my life has changed...it certainly has changed for the better so why do I look to the past? Anyway....embrace who you are...in the season you are in. Find ways to continue to "retain you" in the midst of the world's demands. I am curious, how are you able to do this? (I am always looking for new ideas!).
Thanks for reading and Happy Epic Fall Storm of 2016!
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Eager to Sacrifice
Eager to Sacrifice?
...one thing I am not so eager to do.
Sacrifice it HARD! It means giving up something (and often something I enjoy). It means setting up boundaries. Saying no. Being disciplined. It means believing in WHO I am sacrificing to and for what purpose. It means surrender.
God calls us in our life to surrender to Him. To sacrifice not only what we have but who we are to His purposes and for His glory. You know, sometimes that just doesn't make sense to me. The Bible says that all things are permissible....right? Well, the next line says "but not all things are beneficial." (1 Corinthians 10:23). This is where faith is strengthened and our allegiance is tested...when we are asked to sacrifice.
In a season where God is "simply" (and what I really mean is not "simply" at all!!) challenging me with IDEAS of possible change, I find myself unyielding, stubborn, set in MY ways...grappling if (if or when called) I should embrace said changes. Yet, "if God is for me then who can be against me?" (Romans 8:31).
When in the past has God EVER failed me? Scripture repeats over and over that He will NOT fail us...and I cannot recount one time (not one!) that He has left me to fend for myself. Every challenge I have endured, every hardship I have overcome, I have become stronger in Him able to encourage those around me as well as proclaim the faithfulness of God.
Sacrifice.
Is it worth the struggle? The stress? The uncertainty? Is sacrifice needed to grow in my faith? Become more selfless? To better care for those in whom I have been entrusted with? Am I willing to learn how to sacrifice, surrender to Him and for Him in my marriage, parenthood, friendships...in my community, places of employment and circles of influence?
Wow! Hard questions to answer.
I will leave it to you to answer those questions for yourself.
But if I am (we are) called by God to sacrifice, is my (our) heart willing?
Is the call to sacrifice to the Lord worth it?
If it is....why not embrace it eagerly!!! With joy, tenacity, and a hope beyond anything this world can offer...learning to find satisfaction in Him Only.
For HIM ONLY do we eagerly offer our sacrifices. So are you ready to join me in kneeling before the Lord, seeking if/when HE might be calling us to sacrifice...praying boldly to HIM to soften our hearts to receive the blessings that come through obedience and sacrifice, making us tender towards His voice, to His call and to His plan? If so, let us kneel together as members of one body, the body of Christ, and LETS PRAY!
Amen.
sac·ri·fice ˈsakrəˌfīs/ (noun)
- noun: sacrifice; plural noun: sacrifices
- an act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure.
...one thing I am not so eager to do.
Sacrifice it HARD! It means giving up something (and often something I enjoy). It means setting up boundaries. Saying no. Being disciplined. It means believing in WHO I am sacrificing to and for what purpose. It means surrender.
God calls us in our life to surrender to Him. To sacrifice not only what we have but who we are to His purposes and for His glory. You know, sometimes that just doesn't make sense to me. The Bible says that all things are permissible....right? Well, the next line says "but not all things are beneficial." (1 Corinthians 10:23). This is where faith is strengthened and our allegiance is tested...when we are asked to sacrifice.
In a season where God is "simply" (and what I really mean is not "simply" at all!!) challenging me with IDEAS of possible change, I find myself unyielding, stubborn, set in MY ways...grappling if (if or when called) I should embrace said changes. Yet, "if God is for me then who can be against me?" (Romans 8:31).
When in the past has God EVER failed me? Scripture repeats over and over that He will NOT fail us...and I cannot recount one time (not one!) that He has left me to fend for myself. Every challenge I have endured, every hardship I have overcome, I have become stronger in Him able to encourage those around me as well as proclaim the faithfulness of God.
Sacrifice.
Is it worth the struggle? The stress? The uncertainty? Is sacrifice needed to grow in my faith? Become more selfless? To better care for those in whom I have been entrusted with? Am I willing to learn how to sacrifice, surrender to Him and for Him in my marriage, parenthood, friendships...in my community, places of employment and circles of influence?
Wow! Hard questions to answer.
I will leave it to you to answer those questions for yourself.
But if I am (we are) called by God to sacrifice, is my (our) heart willing?
Is the call to sacrifice to the Lord worth it?
If it is....why not embrace it eagerly!!! With joy, tenacity, and a hope beyond anything this world can offer...learning to find satisfaction in Him Only.
For HIM ONLY do we eagerly offer our sacrifices. So are you ready to join me in kneeling before the Lord, seeking if/when HE might be calling us to sacrifice...praying boldly to HIM to soften our hearts to receive the blessings that come through obedience and sacrifice, making us tender towards His voice, to His call and to His plan? If so, let us kneel together as members of one body, the body of Christ, and LETS PRAY!
Amen.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
When your mouth says otherwise
True confession: sometimes my mouth says things my mind says I should not say.
In a world with rapid access to news and quick postings on social media, I find myself blurting out things that I otherwise should know are not appropriate. My desire in life is to honor the Lord first and foremost. And then to honor my husband, family, and then friends. It is challenging when my mind goes 1,000,000 miles a minute and my mouth catches up quickly.
So how do I stop this fire out of my tongue? Scripture says that it can never be tamed. Is it hopeless?
With prayer and discernment, I pray that my mouth will align with God's heart. I really do want to lift up those around me with kind, compassionate words. What example do a set for my family and children with the words that I say? Although I am not cursing, I say things that inevitably can cut deep without even realizing it.
We are an example. We do have influence on those around us. I desire my influence to be one that uplifts and brings honor to those around me. So in a quest to find the Lord's voice in mine, I go to prayer. There are many examples of those in my life who have learned to either keep their mouth shut or honor those they love with her words. I desire to learn both skills. It is an on going process, one in which I need grace.
I encourage you as well as myself to take pause. To be still. To listen. And to be slow to speak and quick o listen. Words can't either build up or tear down. What do your words do?
In a world with rapid access to news and quick postings on social media, I find myself blurting out things that I otherwise should know are not appropriate. My desire in life is to honor the Lord first and foremost. And then to honor my husband, family, and then friends. It is challenging when my mind goes 1,000,000 miles a minute and my mouth catches up quickly.
So how do I stop this fire out of my tongue? Scripture says that it can never be tamed. Is it hopeless?
With prayer and discernment, I pray that my mouth will align with God's heart. I really do want to lift up those around me with kind, compassionate words. What example do a set for my family and children with the words that I say? Although I am not cursing, I say things that inevitably can cut deep without even realizing it.
We are an example. We do have influence on those around us. I desire my influence to be one that uplifts and brings honor to those around me. So in a quest to find the Lord's voice in mine, I go to prayer. There are many examples of those in my life who have learned to either keep their mouth shut or honor those they love with her words. I desire to learn both skills. It is an on going process, one in which I need grace.
I encourage you as well as myself to take pause. To be still. To listen. And to be slow to speak and quick o listen. Words can't either build up or tear down. What do your words do?
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
Honoring Marriage in Parenthood
It all started when my husband and I realized that we had no time for each other. It was like ships passing in the night with his work schedule and my sleepless nights caring for our seven month old son & crazy days chasing our 2-years old toddler.… our conversations would mostly be through text or at 1 AM when he rolled into bed after working a 10 hour shift (most of which he would forget because he was so tired). Dialogs in the morning consisted of getting the kids fed and changed before sending my husband off to yet another long shift.
Something had to change!
So we took out our calendars and decided to tackle the cultural problem with being too busy.
Last month we instituted "surprise date day" which once a month one spouse plans a surprise date...(no hints allowed!!), finds childcare and works out all the details. The other spouse willingly follows.
Last month I planned a movie-theater, popcorn eating, air conditioned, snuggle my man in comfy theater seats date! Something we have both wanted to do more frequently than we have. Pre-kids, we enjoyed going to the movies at least once or twice a month. Post kids, we are lucky if we get out to the theater once every six months. It was a real treat!
This month was my husband's turn. The only hint that he gave me was to dress in active wear. I had no idea what he had in mind. Rockclimbing maybe? As I walked out the front door I saw the kayak on top of our vehicle! We own a double kayak we affectionately called "the yellow banana." I was getting pretty excited about where he might be taking me.
He said to get cozy because the drive might be a little while. Shortly there after I guessed that we were kayaking through the Ballard Locks! It was such a wonderful surprise date! We stopped at Trader Joe's to grab lunch, pushed off the kayak into the crystal clear lake water and headed towards the locks. The breeze was warm and the water calm. We enjoyed laughing, talking, and splashing each other just a bit as we paddled each stroke. Before we knew it, we were in the lineup to enter the locks. It was such a fascinating experience especially with the salmon running. A little nervous at first, our little kayak did very well! Once we got through the locks, we paddled a little further and pulled off to a quaint little beach where we ate our lunch and enjoyed a spectacular water view.
Our stop wasn't too long as we had to paddle back and drive the hour and a half home to relieve the babysitter. But it is so special to carve out time with the man I fell love with well over 8 years ago.
I'm and thankful for our new tradition. We still go on other dates within the month, but there is something special about being surprised and also surprising the one you love. We have also been more intentional about planning a family day once a week. This family day consists of two hours to a full day of just spending time enjoying life as a family of four!
Below are a few pictures from our adventure today.
Many Blessings.
Monday, August 1, 2016
Crabs, Coffee & Shrieks in the Night
Camping. America's favorite past time.
A time to rest, reflect, and find reprieve from the normal routine of life. A time to relax as the wind wrestles through the trees. Watching the rays of sun filter through the evergreens overhead.…
...unless you have two children under two!
...unless you have two children under two!
Yes that is right, we braved our first camping trip as a family of four! I wish I could say that this overnight venture provided us with the rest, reflection, and reprieve that we were looking for… However when nighttime came things all fell apart.
.
We arrived promptly at 2:30 PM to the campground for check-in. The grandparents were coming with their fifth-wheel and provided much the comforts that we could not provide ourselves. They thoughtfully brought a second pack and play (which we ended up using!!). They supplied much of the food for our quick overnight camping trip. And our friends supported this crazy venture by letting us borrow a large six person tent... (which thankfully fit two grown adults and two pack and plays). We were set up for success!
When we arrived, our two-year-old was beyond herself. She literally jumped out of her car seat soon as it was unbuckled and began running around the campsite shouting, "run, run, run!" Tripping over tree roots did not even stop her from enjoying being outside! She quickly got up, brushed off her hands, and continue to run. She was even more excited when she saw our new house (our tent) being put up by her daddy. She quickly claimed it as her own. Our seven month old son was placed in a large plastic tub with a pillow behind him just in case he fell backwards. He was fascinated by the trees overhead and the work his daddy was doing.
When we arrived, our two-year-old was beyond herself. She literally jumped out of her car seat soon as it was unbuckled and began running around the campsite shouting, "run, run, run!" Tripping over tree roots did not even stop her from enjoying being outside! She quickly got up, brushed off her hands, and continue to run. She was even more excited when she saw our new house (our tent) being put up by her daddy. She quickly claimed it as her own. Our seven month old son was placed in a large plastic tub with a pillow behind him just in case he fell backwards. He was fascinated by the trees overhead and the work his daddy was doing.
Before we knew it, our new home for the day and night was set up. The grandparents came shortly after setting up their "home" too. Our daughter was so excited when she saw them pull in, "Papa! Papa's house! PAPA!!"
What could possibly go wrong with so much excitement…
As soon as camp was set up a few short hours later, the boys went out to throw their crab pots in hopes that we would have crab for dinner. This was the beginning of a challenging night.
The boys took longer than expected, arriving back to the campsite well after sunset. We were waiting on them for dinner which would either be crab or hamburgers. Our darling two-year-old was wearing down quickly. Thankful for the microwave in the fifth wheel, we threw in a hotdog and filled her plate with vegetables and fruit. She did not seem too interested in eating...as with the routine the last day and a half. Unsure if she was tired, uninterested in the food we provided or if she was just being a picky toddler, we didn't think much of it.
After her few bird bites of food, we began her bedtime routine, putting her in the pack and play that the grandparents brought. She settled in nicely without complaint. I was thankful and looking forward to a relaxing evening. As per our typical schedule, our son was put down about an hour and a half after our daughter. With the boys back out on the water to check the crab pots, I was enjoying conversation and two sleeping kids!
… That was until the ice cream man came cruising through our campsite at 8:30 PM! Seriously! Who in their right mind would drive an ice cream truck through a campsite that late at night! It wasn't even that hot outside.
This was the turning point for our evening. The loud blaring music from the ice cream truck woke my daughter causing a fit of crying.… since she was sharing sleeping space with our son, this caused him to wake up too.
So, it was 8:30 at night and both kids were back up. With all of the excitement, our two-year-old ended up socializing until about 11 PM. Our son dozed in and out of sleep but was fussy from not only being woken up but also by his top left tooth that was coming in. It was time to bring out the Tylenol!
By midnight, all four of us were nestled in our tent and asleep. I was awoken 2 1/2 hours later to my two-year-olds shrieks. She had such bad stomach pain and we felt helpless to do anything. As before, her cries woke up our sleeping seven-month-old son (I guess it was OK since I had to nurse him anyway... I justified...but I was really hoping to get just a little more sleep!).
My daughter did not easily calm down. We decided to give her Tylenol, rub her tummy, and cuddle with her as she would let us. Intermittently she would let out big shrieks. Again, feeling helpless, I suggested that my husband take her into the car to see if the change in environment would help. Also I wanted to spare all of the campers surrounding us her shrieks and screams in the early morning hours. So, at 3 AM, my husband carried her to the car, secured her into the car seat, and curled up in the reclined passenger seat with his sleeping bag. And there they stayed the rest of the night.
My son woke up again at 5:30 and then again at seven. Needless to say I had a very restless night and my husband had very uncomfortable sleeping quarters. I especially felt bad for him since he had to work that same day.
The morning greeted us with a slow wake up, I was thankful for the Keurig machine in the fifth wheel which provided me with a delicious cup of coffee; I was also thankful for the toasty camp fire in the center of our site which provided warmth on a cool summer morning.
Soon, both of the kids were out of their respective sleeping stations and the grandparents were preparing breakfast.
Our sweet little family of four had to leave the site at 11 AM so that my husband could arrive on time to his shift at 1 PM. Tired and exhausted, we packed up our things, said our goodbyes, strapped our sleepy children in the backseat, and drove away.
As we were on the way home, we reflected on our short 18-hour camping trip. It certainly could have been a lot worse, but it certainly was not the success that we were hoping for. Although we did not find the rest and relaxation we were looking for, we enjoyed seeing our two children exploring a new environment on our first camping trip as a family of four...
We might just be crazy, but our second camping trip is coming up in just a few short weeks. We are hoping things go a little differently than this time around but...
Every experience is an opportunity to learn!
Good night.
Every experience is an opportunity to learn!
Good night.
.
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Firehoses & Aimless Driving: Momma Needs a Time-Out
It is only 10:30am and what a day it has been already! The husband decided to go on a hike today. I was scheduled to bring both kids with me to my eye doctor appointment at 9:30am. Oh boy!
This morning I encountered an episode of the terrible two's! Running, hitting and tantrum throwing accompanied getting both kids dressed and fed while packing the diaper bag and loading the car... all in hopes of getting out of the door on time for my eye appointment. (Seriously child, pants are NOT optional, little human, when we leave the house).
Arriving on-time with both kids intact: Mission One Accomplished.
Despite my daughter pulling off all of the pink framed glasses at the eye doctors, things went surprisingly well. With the help of crackers and her toy iPad, she was mostly entertained. My sons sat in his car carrier half asleep and half awake as sister jostled him about in his car seat. It was hard to pay attention to what the doctor was asking as my daughter insisted on the NEED to be in my lap. (I think I answered all of the doctor's questions?)
Completing the eye appointment without children throwing a fit: Mission Two Accomplished.
This morning I encountered an episode of the terrible two's! Running, hitting and tantrum throwing accompanied getting both kids dressed and fed while packing the diaper bag and loading the car... all in hopes of getting out of the door on time for my eye appointment. (Seriously child, pants are NOT optional, little human, when we leave the house).
Arriving on-time with both kids intact: Mission One Accomplished.
Despite my daughter pulling off all of the pink framed glasses at the eye doctors, things went surprisingly well. With the help of crackers and her toy iPad, she was mostly entertained. My sons sat in his car carrier half asleep and half awake as sister jostled him about in his car seat. It was hard to pay attention to what the doctor was asking as my daughter insisted on the NEED to be in my lap. (I think I answered all of the doctor's questions?)
Completing the eye appointment without children throwing a fit: Mission Two Accomplished.
The reward for being well-behaved at the doctor's office was "fa-fee" at Starbucks. My daughter loves the steamed foam (aka her version of fa-fee -- coffee) and scoops it out with a spoon...getting most in her mouth. I had to nurse my son in the busyness of the Saturday morning at Starbucks, but overall it was success.
As I loaded both the kids in the car after our epic morning adventure, my daughter insisted that she drive the car instead of me. I obviously had to veto this for a variety of reasons which caused a series of more two-year-old tantrums. Reluctantly, I promised her that she could "drive" when we got home.… With the car turned off, keys out of the ignition and parked safely in our driveway.
Getting the kids in their proper seats without losing "it" too much: Mission Three Accomplished.
To be honest, at this point, I needed a mommy time-out. I decided to take an extended route home… Honestly driving way far out of my way just to have a few moments without my little ones needing me to do anything for them. So I drove around in a nearly silent car. I am so thankful for crackers and the library and the "Under the Sea" lift and flap book that we checked out a few days ago. I am so thankful for the still hot cuppa coffee I purchased at Starbucks. And a sleeping baby.
As I drove, I had time to reflect again on my purpose as a mother. I fall short every day at being a stellar mom. Today I overreacted to my daughter's multiple tantrums at home. I used harsh tones and unkind words to her as I was trying to get her dressed (the whole "I don't want to wear pants" thing). And I became frustrated at the littlest things that on a normal day really would not be that big of a deal. As I drove, God reminded me of the things He endured to save me from sin and death. He reminds me daily that in Him I am purpose to be a great mother. When I try to rest on my own strength & I don't rely on his power and His word, I fail... fail miserably. I'm thankful that His mercies are new every day. And I'm also thankful that every day He reveals Himself to me! He also reminds me that He has made me to be the perfect mother for the children that He is given me. So despite all of my shortfalls, my bouts of frustration, and overreactions, my children still love me and God is still showing me His grace.
Refocusing on what REALLY matters: Mission Four Accomplished.
So, I got right with God on my extended, out-of-the-way-home mommy time-out. I apologized to my two-year-old for my "tantrums," and was ready to go back home. I had no plans for today besides the eye appointment. My neck was still a little stiff/sore from a recent trip (...about a week ago I couldn't even move it!) so I figured home would be the best option. As I was driving, I saw a street closed. A small-town street fair!! Literally, a gift from God...to help us all refocus on what is truly important...relationships! Faith into action. I want my kids to know me not only as a loving and fair mother but a FUN momma too! So, impromptu.....street fair! I loaded my kids out of the car yet again. This time my daughter wanted to "run, run, run" while brother lounged in the stroller. The first thing we saw as a police car (lights and all!... the real crowd pleaser) and all of the tactical gear for the kids to touch and learn about. So fun! About a block away was the fire truck! My daughter just laughed and giggled as she climbed inside and sat in the driver's seat. The firefighters even had the hose out for kids to spray a few targets! Oh, what a great way to spend a morning and what great redemption God brings.
Allowing God to work on my heart & loving on my kids by making them a priority: Mission Five Accomplished.
So for all of you mothers out there, you are not alone! When days get long and children get cranky and your temper overflows, just know that God's grace is more than enough! God has gifted us mommas with the ability to endure trials of various kinds for His sake so that He might be glorified in our lives! He gives us moments to stop, pause, reflect and reset. The Holy Spirit is kind and gentle to correct us and even if we fail today..God's mercy and grace renews everyday! So mothers, be encouraged you were not alone. In HIM and with His strength we can do ALL things.
Happy Saturday.
As I loaded both the kids in the car after our epic morning adventure, my daughter insisted that she drive the car instead of me. I obviously had to veto this for a variety of reasons which caused a series of more two-year-old tantrums. Reluctantly, I promised her that she could "drive" when we got home.… With the car turned off, keys out of the ignition and parked safely in our driveway.
Getting the kids in their proper seats without losing "it" too much: Mission Three Accomplished.
To be honest, at this point, I needed a mommy time-out. I decided to take an extended route home… Honestly driving way far out of my way just to have a few moments without my little ones needing me to do anything for them. So I drove around in a nearly silent car. I am so thankful for crackers and the library and the "Under the Sea" lift and flap book that we checked out a few days ago. I am so thankful for the still hot cuppa coffee I purchased at Starbucks. And a sleeping baby.
As I drove, I had time to reflect again on my purpose as a mother. I fall short every day at being a stellar mom. Today I overreacted to my daughter's multiple tantrums at home. I used harsh tones and unkind words to her as I was trying to get her dressed (the whole "I don't want to wear pants" thing). And I became frustrated at the littlest things that on a normal day really would not be that big of a deal. As I drove, God reminded me of the things He endured to save me from sin and death. He reminds me daily that in Him I am purpose to be a great mother. When I try to rest on my own strength & I don't rely on his power and His word, I fail... fail miserably. I'm thankful that His mercies are new every day. And I'm also thankful that every day He reveals Himself to me! He also reminds me that He has made me to be the perfect mother for the children that He is given me. So despite all of my shortfalls, my bouts of frustration, and overreactions, my children still love me and God is still showing me His grace.
Refocusing on what REALLY matters: Mission Four Accomplished.
So, I got right with God on my extended, out-of-the-way-home mommy time-out. I apologized to my two-year-old for my "tantrums," and was ready to go back home. I had no plans for today besides the eye appointment. My neck was still a little stiff/sore from a recent trip (...about a week ago I couldn't even move it!) so I figured home would be the best option. As I was driving, I saw a street closed. A small-town street fair!! Literally, a gift from God...to help us all refocus on what is truly important...relationships! Faith into action. I want my kids to know me not only as a loving and fair mother but a FUN momma too! So, impromptu.....street fair! I loaded my kids out of the car yet again. This time my daughter wanted to "run, run, run" while brother lounged in the stroller. The first thing we saw as a police car (lights and all!... the real crowd pleaser) and all of the tactical gear for the kids to touch and learn about. So fun! About a block away was the fire truck! My daughter just laughed and giggled as she climbed inside and sat in the driver's seat. The firefighters even had the hose out for kids to spray a few targets! Oh, what a great way to spend a morning and what great redemption God brings.Allowing God to work on my heart & loving on my kids by making them a priority: Mission Five Accomplished.
So for all of you mothers out there, you are not alone! When days get long and children get cranky and your temper overflows, just know that God's grace is more than enough! God has gifted us mommas with the ability to endure trials of various kinds for His sake so that He might be glorified in our lives! He gives us moments to stop, pause, reflect and reset. The Holy Spirit is kind and gentle to correct us and even if we fail today..God's mercy and grace renews everyday! So mothers, be encouraged you were not alone. In HIM and with His strength we can do ALL things.
Happy Saturday.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Fish Sticks, Songs and Lots of Cuddles
Tonight I received two priceless, precious gifts.
Days like today can get long. Sure, there are only 24-hours in a day but some days seem longer when the weather is hot (in the 90s!) and the kids get cranky. I admit that I used the TV as a distraction tool today for my two-year-old because I had to take-away pool privileges due to her continually dumping water over her helpless, 7-month-old brother's head. (Poor boy thought he was drowning!)
Fussing and crying were our dinner guests. Apparently baby pureed food seemed more interesting to my two-year-old than her fish sticks....baked in a 425 degree oven I might add. Wow!! I didn't see that one coming! And of course, after just one spoonful of pureed peas she happily went back to eating her fish sticks. POINT ONE MOM! Phew! Skated through that one.
Bed time for both kids was surprisingly easy....until.....
My daughter woke-up around 8:30pm saying, "Out please. All done. Hung-gee (translated into hungry)." To be honest, she was so sweet about it. How could I possibly turn her down. So, I picked her up out of the crib and she snuggled in tight. My heart melted. I walked with her in my arms to the kitchen and sat her on the countertop for a little post-dinner snack: apple slices, yogurt, a few Cheerios and ice water. She was kind, funny and was generous in sharing her snack with me. (Gotta love those sticky fingered Cheerios). Soon, it was time to take her back to her crib. It isn't often, but I decided to climb over the crib rail and snuggle for just a few minutes. Her favorite bedtime song is "Jesus Loves Me." As I gently stroked her face and nose, I sang softly her nite-nite song.
When I got to the part, "Yes, Jesus Loves You" I substituted her name for the word "you." As I sang the chorus, she sweetly sang back to me, "Yes, Jesus Loves Mommy. Yes, Jesus Loves Mommy,"
My heart melted again for the second time tonight.
My daughter is my priceless gift #1.
While all of this was going on, my dear son was needing attention of the same sorts. He must be growing and teething. His comfort? Food. And I am his food source. Another honest moment: there are times when I get a little frustrated at his need to (what feels like) constantly nurse but in the last few weeks my milk supply has begun to drop a bit and I have had to supplement with either formula or stored milk....so tonight, I chose to consider these moments of nursing as a gift rather than an interruption. In the cool of his air conditioned room, I gently rocked and sang as he found comfort from my milk. His sweet little body stopped wiggling around. He threw out his left arm in pure relaxations and just drank. (And at this feeding I had enough to satisfy him!!). When he was done, he rolled his little 18 pound body into my chest, snuggling in as tightly as he could. Falling quickly asleep. I could feel his heart beating. Each breathe he took reminded me of God's faithfulness and His love.
My son in my priceless gift #2.
Even when days get long, it is God that I see. He is my provider, my strength. He allows me to experience these priceless gifts every. single. day. I pray my mind will forever be focused on Him so that I will see these cranky and hot days as nothing short as a miracle from Him.
Good Night.
Days like today can get long. Sure, there are only 24-hours in a day but some days seem longer when the weather is hot (in the 90s!) and the kids get cranky. I admit that I used the TV as a distraction tool today for my two-year-old because I had to take-away pool privileges due to her continually dumping water over her helpless, 7-month-old brother's head. (Poor boy thought he was drowning!)
Fussing and crying were our dinner guests. Apparently baby pureed food seemed more interesting to my two-year-old than her fish sticks....baked in a 425 degree oven I might add. Wow!! I didn't see that one coming! And of course, after just one spoonful of pureed peas she happily went back to eating her fish sticks. POINT ONE MOM! Phew! Skated through that one.
Bed time for both kids was surprisingly easy....until.....
My daughter woke-up around 8:30pm saying, "Out please. All done. Hung-gee (translated into hungry)." To be honest, she was so sweet about it. How could I possibly turn her down. So, I picked her up out of the crib and she snuggled in tight. My heart melted. I walked with her in my arms to the kitchen and sat her on the countertop for a little post-dinner snack: apple slices, yogurt, a few Cheerios and ice water. She was kind, funny and was generous in sharing her snack with me. (Gotta love those sticky fingered Cheerios). Soon, it was time to take her back to her crib. It isn't often, but I decided to climb over the crib rail and snuggle for just a few minutes. Her favorite bedtime song is "Jesus Loves Me." As I gently stroked her face and nose, I sang softly her nite-nite song.
When I got to the part, "Yes, Jesus Loves You" I substituted her name for the word "you." As I sang the chorus, she sweetly sang back to me, "Yes, Jesus Loves Mommy. Yes, Jesus Loves Mommy,"
My heart melted again for the second time tonight.
My daughter is my priceless gift #1.
While all of this was going on, my dear son was needing attention of the same sorts. He must be growing and teething. His comfort? Food. And I am his food source. Another honest moment: there are times when I get a little frustrated at his need to (what feels like) constantly nurse but in the last few weeks my milk supply has begun to drop a bit and I have had to supplement with either formula or stored milk....so tonight, I chose to consider these moments of nursing as a gift rather than an interruption. In the cool of his air conditioned room, I gently rocked and sang as he found comfort from my milk. His sweet little body stopped wiggling around. He threw out his left arm in pure relaxations and just drank. (And at this feeding I had enough to satisfy him!!). When he was done, he rolled his little 18 pound body into my chest, snuggling in as tightly as he could. Falling quickly asleep. I could feel his heart beating. Each breathe he took reminded me of God's faithfulness and His love.
My son in my priceless gift #2.
Even when days get long, it is God that I see. He is my provider, my strength. He allows me to experience these priceless gifts every. single. day. I pray my mind will forever be focused on Him so that I will see these cranky and hot days as nothing short as a miracle from Him.
Good Night.
Monday, July 11, 2016
Purposed for Motherhood
That was not me......never was it my dream or goal, yet it happened....God made it happen. He changed my heart.
From a young age, many girls play "imaginary" cradling her dolls, lovingly changing pretend diapers and dressing baby up for the day. Softly brushing baby's hair and repeatedly putting baby nite-nite. Baby doll in hand, the little mother-figure takes baby shopping while of course making sure baby is secure in the cart.
That was not me....
I could be found (NO JOKE) lining up my dolls, hand on hip, hunched forward, pointer finger out....yell at my dolls. Don't get me wrong, I did have tender moments with my dollies but they were few and far between. When I came into the "Barbie-stage" things changed and I no longer yelled at my dolls. Instead I played teacher and real estate agent with them, cruising Barbie & Ken around in their magenta Barbie Corvette.
Decades later, I was married. God gifted me with the man of my dreams. He wanted about a million children right after we were married....I was not so sure...
That was not me...
In church on Sunday our Pastor was preaching on John the Baptist, stating that he KNEW his purpose...to prepare the way for the Lord Jesus. As I reflected on his purpose, I struggled with mine. What is my purpose? Am I helping prepare the way for Lord Jesus to be seen and experienced by those in my life?
Over four years, my husband and I struggled with the conversation about having children. Many tears, arguments, sleepless night, chats with our mentors and friends...no resolve. I embraced the "that is not me" attitude and resisted assuming the role as mother. In that fourth year of marriage, God began working on my heart. All of the fears I had about being a mother were selfish, self-centered, focused on my ability to perform and fulfill the "PTA-always perfect-top cookie Mom-always prepared-always have it together" mom stereotype the world had projected on me.
I was finally at a point to start trying for a family...hesitantly starting the very delicate conversation with my husband. I was still struggling with the "that is not me" attitude but I began to open my heart up to the Lord....one month later....GUESS WHAT!?!?! I was pregnant.
To be honest, I struggles with the positive pregnancy test results. I looked in disbelief at the two little pink lines...God had purposed me for motherhood (yet I was still unsure). Nine-months later, I had my sweet little daughter in my arms, overcoming the fears that I had about not being a good-enough mother.
Eight-months later, I was pregnant with our second, after God's prompting and direction to start trying for a second baby (which, just like the first, look only a month).
As of now, my daughter is just shy of her 2-year birthday and my son is 6-months young. The past two years have certainly been a struggle, trying to embrace my new identity and role; being responsible for teaching my young how to follow Jesus in such a crooked world; balancing motherhood, marriage, full-time work and church involvement.
It is a tough job yet someone I find it so rewarding...
WOW...did I just say...."REWARDING?!?!"
I never thought I would find pleasure in teaching my almost 2-year old the alphabet, numbers, bible verses; teaching her to say please and thank-you; showing her how to put a puzzle together and then a day later (without help) seeing her put the same puzzle together. With my son, seeing him learn to reach for objects, crawl backwards and start "talking." I have even began to consider (please note: CONSIDER) homeschooling....another WOW, considering I told my husband, 'ABSOLUTELY NOT!" about three years ago.
Through the sermon on Sunday, God revealed his purpose for me: I am purposed for Motherhood. It is sometimes hard to embrace fully, to fully understand...does this mean I should have more kids? adopt? pour into the kids I have? pour into other kids? ..... I am still seeking answers from the Lord on these questions, but it is amazing that God so clearly changed my heart from 4-years ago, my "that is not me attitude" to entertaining the idea of having a third child (and even homeschooling).
God is amazing how He works. He brings us close to Him when we surrender our will in exchange for His will to rule in our hearts. It might be a process, but allow Him to do it!
From a young age, many girls play "imaginary" cradling her dolls, lovingly changing pretend diapers and dressing baby up for the day. Softly brushing baby's hair and repeatedly putting baby nite-nite. Baby doll in hand, the little mother-figure takes baby shopping while of course making sure baby is secure in the cart.
That was not me....
I could be found (NO JOKE) lining up my dolls, hand on hip, hunched forward, pointer finger out....yell at my dolls. Don't get me wrong, I did have tender moments with my dollies but they were few and far between. When I came into the "Barbie-stage" things changed and I no longer yelled at my dolls. Instead I played teacher and real estate agent with them, cruising Barbie & Ken around in their magenta Barbie Corvette.
Decades later, I was married. God gifted me with the man of my dreams. He wanted about a million children right after we were married....I was not so sure...
That was not me...
In church on Sunday our Pastor was preaching on John the Baptist, stating that he KNEW his purpose...to prepare the way for the Lord Jesus. As I reflected on his purpose, I struggled with mine. What is my purpose? Am I helping prepare the way for Lord Jesus to be seen and experienced by those in my life?
Over four years, my husband and I struggled with the conversation about having children. Many tears, arguments, sleepless night, chats with our mentors and friends...no resolve. I embraced the "that is not me" attitude and resisted assuming the role as mother. In that fourth year of marriage, God began working on my heart. All of the fears I had about being a mother were selfish, self-centered, focused on my ability to perform and fulfill the "PTA-always perfect-top cookie Mom-always prepared-always have it together" mom stereotype the world had projected on me.
I was finally at a point to start trying for a family...hesitantly starting the very delicate conversation with my husband. I was still struggling with the "that is not me" attitude but I began to open my heart up to the Lord....one month later....GUESS WHAT!?!?! I was pregnant.
To be honest, I struggles with the positive pregnancy test results. I looked in disbelief at the two little pink lines...God had purposed me for motherhood (yet I was still unsure). Nine-months later, I had my sweet little daughter in my arms, overcoming the fears that I had about not being a good-enough mother.
Eight-months later, I was pregnant with our second, after God's prompting and direction to start trying for a second baby (which, just like the first, look only a month).
As of now, my daughter is just shy of her 2-year birthday and my son is 6-months young. The past two years have certainly been a struggle, trying to embrace my new identity and role; being responsible for teaching my young how to follow Jesus in such a crooked world; balancing motherhood, marriage, full-time work and church involvement.
It is a tough job yet someone I find it so rewarding...
WOW...did I just say...."REWARDING?!?!"
I never thought I would find pleasure in teaching my almost 2-year old the alphabet, numbers, bible verses; teaching her to say please and thank-you; showing her how to put a puzzle together and then a day later (without help) seeing her put the same puzzle together. With my son, seeing him learn to reach for objects, crawl backwards and start "talking." I have even began to consider (please note: CONSIDER) homeschooling....another WOW, considering I told my husband, 'ABSOLUTELY NOT!" about three years ago.
Through the sermon on Sunday, God revealed his purpose for me: I am purposed for Motherhood. It is sometimes hard to embrace fully, to fully understand...does this mean I should have more kids? adopt? pour into the kids I have? pour into other kids? ..... I am still seeking answers from the Lord on these questions, but it is amazing that God so clearly changed my heart from 4-years ago, my "that is not me attitude" to entertaining the idea of having a third child (and even homeschooling).
God is amazing how He works. He brings us close to Him when we surrender our will in exchange for His will to rule in our hearts. It might be a process, but allow Him to do it!
So I leave you with this..... what is your "that is not me" attitude that needs to be surrender to the Lord?
You just never know what He has purposed for you...
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Day 8 of Self-Denial
Today marks day 8... day 8 of obedience, disciple, trust and faith in the Lord. ...day 8 of self-denial, strict steadfastness and the ability to say, "NO" multiple times a day. It has been a week of denying the flesh and learning to abide in Him for my strength...
Day 8 of no coffee, soda, caffeine...the only drink: H20.
Of course I still consumed food but last week I was convicted that mainly coffee was my "go-to" for strength and reliance to get though some pretty difficult days. I would wake up in the morning...first thing: COFFEE! (Let the kids scream for just a few more minutes...I just need ONE sip and the world will be made right).
About mid-morning: "I can't handle this. I need an escape. A sense of peace: coffee."
Running errands: "It has been a tough day. Let me just treat myself to a little (okay...16 ounce, triple shot) Americano.
Anyone see a pattern here??!
While I was driving to visit a friends last Saturday, God convicted me of this pattern (as I was sipping a cup of coffee on my one-hour drive). He reminded me that HE is my ONLY source. He should be my ONLY strength. He should be my sense of peace in a world of chaos.
It was hard at first (and my husband thought that I was crazy for not wanting my morning coffee...and he did not know about my vow to God to deny these beverages for a week). When I found myself tempted, Jesus would remind me of the strength HE has given me to endure. He reminded me that He alone has given me all I need to handle daily challenges as I walk in relationship with Him. He reminded me that anything that causes me not to rely on Him is sin. He reminded me that my children (knowingly or unknowingly) watch the patterns of my life and will eventually copy what I do. So I denied myself. Every. Single. Day.... for 7 days (and counting).
It is a good feeling to know that God gave me the gift of restraint. It is a picture for all areas of my life (eating, exercising, etc) that I need to rely on Him for more discipline. You know... all those things we know we should be doing but just can't seem to either do or get under control or find time for.
God is the ultimate satisfaction. In denying the flesh I found that I actually had more time to serve Him. I had more energy to chase around my toddler and care for my 6-month old (even though I encountered some sleepless nights over this past week). I found myself somewhat free from the bondage of "needing" something other than God. I am not sure how long this caffeine fast will last (I might just get a cup of coffee today), but the end result is drawing closer to Jesus. The goal of our live is to glorify Him and if anything is distracting us from that goal we need to be bold enough to say NO...move on and deny ourselves so that Jesus can be glorified in every action, thought and attitude.
To God be the Glory, forever and ever.
Day 8 of no coffee, soda, caffeine...the only drink: H20.
Of course I still consumed food but last week I was convicted that mainly coffee was my "go-to" for strength and reliance to get though some pretty difficult days. I would wake up in the morning...first thing: COFFEE! (Let the kids scream for just a few more minutes...I just need ONE sip and the world will be made right).
About mid-morning: "I can't handle this. I need an escape. A sense of peace: coffee."
Running errands: "It has been a tough day. Let me just treat myself to a little (okay...16 ounce, triple shot) Americano.
Anyone see a pattern here??!
While I was driving to visit a friends last Saturday, God convicted me of this pattern (as I was sipping a cup of coffee on my one-hour drive). He reminded me that HE is my ONLY source. He should be my ONLY strength. He should be my sense of peace in a world of chaos.
It was hard at first (and my husband thought that I was crazy for not wanting my morning coffee...and he did not know about my vow to God to deny these beverages for a week). When I found myself tempted, Jesus would remind me of the strength HE has given me to endure. He reminded me that He alone has given me all I need to handle daily challenges as I walk in relationship with Him. He reminded me that anything that causes me not to rely on Him is sin. He reminded me that my children (knowingly or unknowingly) watch the patterns of my life and will eventually copy what I do. So I denied myself. Every. Single. Day.... for 7 days (and counting).
It is a good feeling to know that God gave me the gift of restraint. It is a picture for all areas of my life (eating, exercising, etc) that I need to rely on Him for more discipline. You know... all those things we know we should be doing but just can't seem to either do or get under control or find time for.
God is the ultimate satisfaction. In denying the flesh I found that I actually had more time to serve Him. I had more energy to chase around my toddler and care for my 6-month old (even though I encountered some sleepless nights over this past week). I found myself somewhat free from the bondage of "needing" something other than God. I am not sure how long this caffeine fast will last (I might just get a cup of coffee today), but the end result is drawing closer to Jesus. The goal of our live is to glorify Him and if anything is distracting us from that goal we need to be bold enough to say NO...move on and deny ourselves so that Jesus can be glorified in every action, thought and attitude.
To God be the Glory, forever and ever.
Why I turned off the baby monitor...
Since August of 2014 I have had the buzz of a baby monitor next to my ear on my night stand. I needed it for comfort, to spy on my first born, able to care for every and any need she may have during the dark hours of the night. Soon we added a sound machine to her room...adding either crashing waves, whales "talking" or the sound of a "delightful" tropical rain. Needless to say it took me a while to get use to each noise. My sleep was already lacking due to her demanding nighttime feeding schedule especially in those early months.
About 11 months after she was born we moved her downstairs so that we could redecorate her nursery to accommodate baby #2. OF COURSE I HAD to have the baby monitor on now that she was ALLLLLLL the way downstairs...the restless nights continued not because she was still waking during the night but rather because the sounds coming from the machine that was helping her fall asleep was waking me during the night. But I still insisted that the baby monitor stay on....just in case.
When baby boy arrived in December 2016 we purchased a second camera for our baby monitor. Now I could spy on BOTH of them as the screen rotated to allow the picture and sound of each room to come through the unit. The sound machine in my daughter's room has been replaced by the babbling filter of a fish tank and my son's room is graced with the sounds of a VERY loud air conditioning unit (since it only gets to be about a million degrees on the top floor during our recent summer heat spell). In addition, the demanding nighttime feeding are back and so is the lack of sleep. Seriously....two nights ago my "sweet" little 6-month old was practically up from 12:45am-5:30am!
So I decided... ENOUGH IS A ENOUGH!
Do I really need to hear every restless sound of each child? Those moments where they toss and turn in their sleep which wake me up. Or the times when my daughter randomly wakes up in the middle of the night and starts signing then falls back asleep? And my baby boy? Well, come on...let's face it. His nursery is seriously not EVEN 50 feet away from our bed! If he cries loud enough I know I will hear him.
So from their pediatricians prompting and for my own sanity, I have decided to turn off the baby monitor....and feel NO guilt. It has actually allowed me to get a bit more sleep and for my children (mainly my 6-month old) to soothe themselves back to sleep from those small little tosses and turned.
After two years of a constant buzz in my ear (not to the mention their sweet little "buzzes" all day, everyday), I have silence when I go to sleep. And that is why I turned off the baby monitor....for sanity. sleep. peace. Pure bliss my friends, pure bliss!
Saturday, July 2, 2016
My children are my mission field
Being a mom is no joke. We endure sleepless nights, dirty-diapers and back-talking toddlers. Our new "perfume" is free of charge consisting of spit up, splattered sweet pureed green beans and my most favorite (ugh!!) poop! Nights seem long and days offer little relief as the duties of a mother are 24/7...there are no real vacations or sick days, moments of silence or moments of pure relaxation. Even when we do get a "break" we are either worrying about our littles or replaying the conversation with the sitter to make sure we told them every little important detail about caring for our children. Most days we feel like we are either losing our minds or losing our patience (seriously, JUST PUT ON YOUR SHOES!).
Then...what is the point?
God has called us mothers to the important job of raising up the next generation, teaching them and training them in HIS ways. It is easy to rely on the earthly pleasures to help us endure (um...can I get another cup of coffee, please?!). But ultimately, our rest and strength are gained when we abide in HIM and in HIM only. He is teaching us mothers sacrifice in a way that we have never understood before. He is allowing us to be pruned and trimmed so that we can bear more fruit in the proper season. Pruning hurts. It is difficult. "WHEN WILL THIS FRUIT COME?!?!" I scream under my tongue on most days but then I realize the fruit is growing and the roots are being planted deep.
I am not the same person I was two years ago...the person pre-toddler and baby. My focus and conversations have change. My passions are still there but are less of a priority as they once were. My daily goal (amidst not falling asleep on my dinner plate) is to display and teach Christ to my children...in every interaction I have with them and those around me.
My children are my mission field.
Just as a missionary is called overseas to an unreached people group, I realize that God has gifted me with my children who need training, discipling, and who need to be taught the love of Jesus in practical ways. It might not be in Africa or Asia. It might not be in a small grass hut or a large unreached Eurpoean city. But God is teaching me to grow where I am planted...to not long for what I don't have (or what I did have)... to not compare to myself to those formed days when my life was so drastically different...to not complain but embrace this very difficult season...to not rely on anything but HIM for my strength and endurance...above all to be in prayer, handing over my life to HIM so that HE can do His work in me so that I can teach, guide and lead my children.
So, although it may not seem like it in those looooooooong sleepless nights (Oh, wait? Is it day already?!) God is doing a new thing in you. Do not lose hope. He has a plan and a destiny for you. He works all things (did you get that...ALL things) together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Mothers, embrace your purpose knowing that God is able to supply EVERYTHING you need in the hard seasons of motherhood! God loves you more than you know.
Then...what is the point?
God has called us mothers to the important job of raising up the next generation, teaching them and training them in HIS ways. It is easy to rely on the earthly pleasures to help us endure (um...can I get another cup of coffee, please?!). But ultimately, our rest and strength are gained when we abide in HIM and in HIM only. He is teaching us mothers sacrifice in a way that we have never understood before. He is allowing us to be pruned and trimmed so that we can bear more fruit in the proper season. Pruning hurts. It is difficult. "WHEN WILL THIS FRUIT COME?!?!" I scream under my tongue on most days but then I realize the fruit is growing and the roots are being planted deep.
I am not the same person I was two years ago...the person pre-toddler and baby. My focus and conversations have change. My passions are still there but are less of a priority as they once were. My daily goal (amidst not falling asleep on my dinner plate) is to display and teach Christ to my children...in every interaction I have with them and those around me.
My children are my mission field.
Just as a missionary is called overseas to an unreached people group, I realize that God has gifted me with my children who need training, discipling, and who need to be taught the love of Jesus in practical ways. It might not be in Africa or Asia. It might not be in a small grass hut or a large unreached Eurpoean city. But God is teaching me to grow where I am planted...to not long for what I don't have (or what I did have)... to not compare to myself to those formed days when my life was so drastically different...to not complain but embrace this very difficult season...to not rely on anything but HIM for my strength and endurance...above all to be in prayer, handing over my life to HIM so that HE can do His work in me so that I can teach, guide and lead my children.
So, although it may not seem like it in those looooooooong sleepless nights (Oh, wait? Is it day already?!) God is doing a new thing in you. Do not lose hope. He has a plan and a destiny for you. He works all things (did you get that...ALL things) together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Mothers, embrace your purpose knowing that God is able to supply EVERYTHING you need in the hard seasons of motherhood! God loves you more than you know.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Please Forgive Me
Dearest Friends-
Please forgive me. After much evaluation and prayer, I have come to realize that my priorities have been all wrong.
Forgive me for not inviting you over for a cup of tea or coffee...but when I did, I profusely apologized for the dishes piled in my sink, the toys strewn across the living room floor or the basket of unfolded laundry.
Forgive me for not texting you back or returning your phone calls...but when I did, I over-dramatized the difficulty of my life and made excuses about why your efforts to reach out to me were not returned.
Forgive me for my thoughtlessness...instead of thinking how I might be able to serve you as I ran errands, my mind was focused more at the long list of my "to-dos" instead of serving you, my brothers and sisters.
Forgive me for my lack of effort...instead of being willing to meet you, I have asked you to meet me at my home or simply said my schedule was just too busy (which at times it has been).
Although this season of motherhood is hard and despite my house being a bit of a mess (how can it not be with two kids under two plus two fill-time working parents!!), there is no good excuse for my lack of effort and lack of graciousness towards you. I have been really thinking about my purpose in life and the only repeated theme is to GLORIFY GOD. Yes, God does desire me to glorify Him through caring for the THINGS, possessions, He has given me but really when it comes down to it, it is relationships that really matter.
The Bible mentions time again about the little value our stuff actually has. It is easy to get caught up in wanting to obtain more, have better/newer house decorations, more stylish clothes...more! MORE! MORE! As I go through the book "UnStuffed" by Ruth Soukup, I realize that I was actually starting to suffocate and drown in my sea of stuff. On the surface, my house seemed organized but you did not see the pile of platters brimming out of my cabinets or the box full of "too small" clothes that I just couldn't get rid of. The duplicates of unused office supplies. The pile of books I would never read again but just could not get rid of.....All of this stuff made it easy for me to make up excuses about why I could not meet with friends or have them over...."I have too much laundry to catch up on." "I have to clean my house." "Naptime is two hours away, I just can't make it."
Excuse after excuse I let my physical stuff overrule my life and my "stuffed" schedule made it easy to say no to making friends a priority. I clearly had it ALL wrong!
Over the last month, I have been going through my house...room by room, drawer by drawer, cupboard by cupboard. I set a "get-rid-of" limit per section and created a "get-rid-of" station where all the unwanted items would be placed for donation. At first the process was slow...almost emotional at times but I did it. After about 1-month, I was able to comb through my whole house making donations trips throughout the weeks.
On Mother's Day, for the first time I can remember, I walked into my house after a day away and I actually sighed a BIG sigh....."I'm Home!" I thought. My home has become more comfortable with less stuff. My mind did not float to all of the things I had to do or had to clean or had to organize....I was simply home! It was an amazing feeling.
This journey to becoming uncluttered, unstuffed and more of a minimalist is certainly not over. It takes intention to define what I want my home to be used for and what physical possessions I keep to accomplish those goals. It takes protecting my schedule and being mindful about my priorities and keeping those items a priority...like most good things it takes effort and intention.
So, please forgive me for all of the above mentioned. If you have struggled with any or all of the things mentioned above, please join me! Please join me in creating a more comfortable home by getting rid of our over abundance. Join me in reviewing the weekly schedules of our families to make the true priorities...the TRUE priorities. And lastly, but most importantly, please join me as we attempt to glorify God in every attitude and action.
As we stand together, we can accomplish much, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed." Ecc. 4:9
Please forgive me. After much evaluation and prayer, I have come to realize that my priorities have been all wrong.
Forgive me for not inviting you over for a cup of tea or coffee...but when I did, I profusely apologized for the dishes piled in my sink, the toys strewn across the living room floor or the basket of unfolded laundry.
Forgive me for not texting you back or returning your phone calls...but when I did, I over-dramatized the difficulty of my life and made excuses about why your efforts to reach out to me were not returned.
Forgive me for my thoughtlessness...instead of thinking how I might be able to serve you as I ran errands, my mind was focused more at the long list of my "to-dos" instead of serving you, my brothers and sisters.
Forgive me for my lack of effort...instead of being willing to meet you, I have asked you to meet me at my home or simply said my schedule was just too busy (which at times it has been).
Although this season of motherhood is hard and despite my house being a bit of a mess (how can it not be with two kids under two plus two fill-time working parents!!), there is no good excuse for my lack of effort and lack of graciousness towards you. I have been really thinking about my purpose in life and the only repeated theme is to GLORIFY GOD. Yes, God does desire me to glorify Him through caring for the THINGS, possessions, He has given me but really when it comes down to it, it is relationships that really matter.
The Bible mentions time again about the little value our stuff actually has. It is easy to get caught up in wanting to obtain more, have better/newer house decorations, more stylish clothes...more! MORE! MORE! As I go through the book "UnStuffed" by Ruth Soukup, I realize that I was actually starting to suffocate and drown in my sea of stuff. On the surface, my house seemed organized but you did not see the pile of platters brimming out of my cabinets or the box full of "too small" clothes that I just couldn't get rid of. The duplicates of unused office supplies. The pile of books I would never read again but just could not get rid of.....All of this stuff made it easy for me to make up excuses about why I could not meet with friends or have them over...."I have too much laundry to catch up on." "I have to clean my house." "Naptime is two hours away, I just can't make it."
Excuse after excuse I let my physical stuff overrule my life and my "stuffed" schedule made it easy to say no to making friends a priority. I clearly had it ALL wrong!
Over the last month, I have been going through my house...room by room, drawer by drawer, cupboard by cupboard. I set a "get-rid-of" limit per section and created a "get-rid-of" station where all the unwanted items would be placed for donation. At first the process was slow...almost emotional at times but I did it. After about 1-month, I was able to comb through my whole house making donations trips throughout the weeks.
On Mother's Day, for the first time I can remember, I walked into my house after a day away and I actually sighed a BIG sigh....."I'm Home!" I thought. My home has become more comfortable with less stuff. My mind did not float to all of the things I had to do or had to clean or had to organize....I was simply home! It was an amazing feeling.
This journey to becoming uncluttered, unstuffed and more of a minimalist is certainly not over. It takes intention to define what I want my home to be used for and what physical possessions I keep to accomplish those goals. It takes protecting my schedule and being mindful about my priorities and keeping those items a priority...like most good things it takes effort and intention.
So, please forgive me for all of the above mentioned. If you have struggled with any or all of the things mentioned above, please join me! Please join me in creating a more comfortable home by getting rid of our over abundance. Join me in reviewing the weekly schedules of our families to make the true priorities...the TRUE priorities. And lastly, but most importantly, please join me as we attempt to glorify God in every attitude and action.
As we stand together, we can accomplish much, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed." Ecc. 4:9
Friday, March 11, 2016
Product Testing: Reusable KCup
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What could be better tasting, more cost-effective and save the planet from those plastic K cups? The answer is the reusable kcup! I have been highly enjoying this gift from influencer. It allows me to use my favorite coffee, save time waiting in the line at a local coffee shop, and it allows me to support local business by purchasing ground coffee from my favorite coffee place.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Postpartum Nesting: Art of Simplification
With my first child, nesting started months and months before her arrival. I cleaned and re-cleaned almost every surface of our home. I folded and re-folded most of her clothes...sorting them by size AND type, of course. I thought hours and days and weeks on her nursery design, rearranging the furniture over and over again. My husband's "honey-do" list was quiet extensive too, but he was more than happy to play the paternal role and make our home more "cozy" for baby...like she would notice and complain if the reusable shopping bags by the back door were not in order.
Things were vastly different with my second. By nature, I LOVE organizing. So I did spend a fair amount of time organizing and folding clothes and deciding on the nautical themed nursery but that is about as far as it went. I was busy chasing a toddler and too pregnant to spend more time cleaning and re-cleaning our home. My husband, however, kicked in high gear and started deep cleaning the basement (aka the man cave). He even voluntarily deconstructed his rock wall and built an indoor playhouse for our children...WOW! He was concerned about the nursery design, chiming in on how the decor was arranged. He just could not WAIT to meet his son!
Fast-forward to the present, 9-weeks postpartum, and the nesting is kicking in! Over the past month, I have had a new motivation like none before to simplify. Days that are overtaken by baby, I see the effects on our house too....baby stuff everywhere! Where are we going to put all the stuff needed for TWO babies!?!? Also, with full days and full hands, I ran out of time to search for needed items in the kitchen, in the garage, in the hall closest. I got tired of reach for something on the top shelf and having half the shelf contents fall on my head or near the child who was clinging to my legs.
It was time...SIMPLIFICATION! The art of becoming a minimalist.
I began to look around at my beloved possessions, soon realizing that I live in a place of abundance...OVER abundance (if there is such a thing). Wow! I look around at my home to realize that I have much to give (and much I do not even use!). My sister sent me a few blogs about minimal living and some of the concepts really struck me:
In a effort to declutter (and fulfill my postpartum nesting) and live more simply...I have started to purge!
My husband and I started from the basement and moved up. The basement was a difficult space for me to start since it is mostly the "man cave" but I forced myself to see items in a new way (not just permanent, unused fixtures in our home). To my surprise, we loaded out at least three bins of donations items along with a few garage bins. Wow! It was feeling good! Over the next week or so, we moved our way up to the kitchen, living room, hallway and office. I felt like the first purge was a success, toting out at least 6-8 bags/bins for donation. And I am sure we could find more items to donate on our second round.
Most recently, I tacked my closet! YIKES! This was difficult for two reasons 1) I have memories attached to many of my clothes and 2) HELLO! Postpartum! Many of my clothes are still too small because I have yet to lose baby weight (which I WILL DO! It took my 7-months with my first so I still have 5-months to go). Regardless, I was ruthless! I ended up filling three bags for donation and one box of "I like you but I'm not sure I want to keep you" box to place in the attic for later review. I also turned all of my hangers around to see what I will actually wear in the month of March.
My closet is far from 44 items, but it feels so good to declutter! And to be honest, I can't remember half of what I got rid of!
So here are a few things I am learning from my postpartum nesting/simplification:
Things were vastly different with my second. By nature, I LOVE organizing. So I did spend a fair amount of time organizing and folding clothes and deciding on the nautical themed nursery but that is about as far as it went. I was busy chasing a toddler and too pregnant to spend more time cleaning and re-cleaning our home. My husband, however, kicked in high gear and started deep cleaning the basement (aka the man cave). He even voluntarily deconstructed his rock wall and built an indoor playhouse for our children...WOW! He was concerned about the nursery design, chiming in on how the decor was arranged. He just could not WAIT to meet his son!
Fast-forward to the present, 9-weeks postpartum, and the nesting is kicking in! Over the past month, I have had a new motivation like none before to simplify. Days that are overtaken by baby, I see the effects on our house too....baby stuff everywhere! Where are we going to put all the stuff needed for TWO babies!?!? Also, with full days and full hands, I ran out of time to search for needed items in the kitchen, in the garage, in the hall closest. I got tired of reach for something on the top shelf and having half the shelf contents fall on my head or near the child who was clinging to my legs.
It was time...SIMPLIFICATION! The art of becoming a minimalist.
I began to look around at my beloved possessions, soon realizing that I live in a place of abundance...OVER abundance (if there is such a thing). Wow! I look around at my home to realize that I have much to give (and much I do not even use!). My sister sent me a few blogs about minimal living and some of the concepts really struck me:
- getting rid of one item a day for a whole year
- narrowing your wardrobe to 44 items
- turning hangers backwards for a set amount of time to see what you really wear
- reducing the amount of toys & books your kids have access to
- pairing down office supplies to only what you use
- stop buying in bulk to have items sit in your storage for a year before it is used
In a effort to declutter (and fulfill my postpartum nesting) and live more simply...I have started to purge!
My husband and I started from the basement and moved up. The basement was a difficult space for me to start since it is mostly the "man cave" but I forced myself to see items in a new way (not just permanent, unused fixtures in our home). To my surprise, we loaded out at least three bins of donations items along with a few garage bins. Wow! It was feeling good! Over the next week or so, we moved our way up to the kitchen, living room, hallway and office. I felt like the first purge was a success, toting out at least 6-8 bags/bins for donation. And I am sure we could find more items to donate on our second round.
Most recently, I tacked my closet! YIKES! This was difficult for two reasons 1) I have memories attached to many of my clothes and 2) HELLO! Postpartum! Many of my clothes are still too small because I have yet to lose baby weight (which I WILL DO! It took my 7-months with my first so I still have 5-months to go). Regardless, I was ruthless! I ended up filling three bags for donation and one box of "I like you but I'm not sure I want to keep you" box to place in the attic for later review. I also turned all of my hangers around to see what I will actually wear in the month of March.My closet is far from 44 items, but it feels so good to declutter! And to be honest, I can't remember half of what I got rid of!
So here are a few things I am learning from my postpartum nesting/simplification:
- I really want to enjoy what I have. How can I enjoy what I can't see or use?
- Keep only things that a) are useful/used often and b) bring me joy/happiness...everything else is just clutter.
- I want to teach my kids to enjoy what they have...not wanting more or "needing" more. I want them to be creative, imaginative using what they have...to teach them gratitude.
- Having more "stuff" does not make me happier...it is just more stuff to maintain and find a place for...everything should have a purpose.
I am not even close to where I want to be, but I love seeing my bookshelves, closets and cupboards thinned out. I love being able to find what I need when I need it without things falling on my head. I love seeing my daughter use her toys in new and creative ways. And I love being able to bless others by sharing our abundance. So, I ask you...are you living in abundance? In what areas of your life are you willing to simplify? Maybe it is not your house...maybe it is your schedule or your office at work. But whatever it is, take the bold step towards simple living. I still have a long ways to go, but I already feel freer!
Monday, February 15, 2016
Playing the Victim
Good Morning World! It is Monday morning at 8:30am. I have had little sleep over the last week and have been struggling to take care of two sick littles and a husband who had his appendix removed 1-week ago.
Last Sunday, to our surprise, we were rushing to the ER at 6:30am. Our neighbor graciously came over to watch our two children as we were preparing our minds for potential surgery for my husband. After about an hour in the ER, we finally made it back to a room (with no official diagnosis yet). Here is were my struggle begins....
For the first time since I have had children, I had to choose between my husband and my children. It had already been an hour and I knew our 6-week old would need to nurse again soon and our 18-month old daughter would need breakfast. With a sad heart, I left the hospital room and rushed home to my babies. Shortly after I arrived at home, a good friend texted me and offered to take our oldest to church so that I could make my way back to the hospital before my husbands 10am surgery.
The day came and went and we survived the day. He made it out of surgery okay. A friend brought me lunch (THANK YOU!!) and baby boy slept on my chest almost the whole day in the baby carrier as I waited in the hospital for my husband. To my surprise, they let him out the same day...at 3pm! At least we could watch the Super Bowl. :)
The next day, Monday, was a huge challenge for me as I faced the real temptation to play the victim and over dramatize my life. You see, I had to take both sick kids to my daughter's 18-month old doctors appointment. Putting on my Wonder Woman panties, I fed both kids, prepared the diaper bag, loaded the car and made it to the appointment in one piece...with only a few tears and struggles along the way. After the appointment, I took two screaming kids through the pharmacy drive-thru to get pain meds/prescriptions for the husband...they would not be ready for 20-minutes! Seriously?!!?! Rushing home, I put the 18-month old down for a nap, loaded my 6-week old back into the car to pick to the drugs.
I feel like I have not been able to stop since then.
Last night I spent a "romantic" valentines day running to tend to the needs of my two very sick children, including the several screaming fits of my 18-month old because she was in so much pain (fever & virus on top of teething! What a combo!). And caring for my husband who worked two ER shifts, overdid it and is now back on the couch unable to help (although he really does want to help out!) But I am grateful for the 3-hours of sleep I got last night...lol.
In those sleepless nights and days this week, I have realized that it is easy to play the victim. Thinking I am the ONLY one in the history of humans to "suffer" this type of life. Between the laundry, dishes, making meals, nursing my son who apparently wants to nurse EVERY HOUR among trying to squeeze in Bible Study, grocery shopping, class prep (going back to work soon) and bill paying...all while my sick daughter SCREAMS at the top of her lungs in pain and my husband lays helpless on the couch (unable to do anything but tell me I am doing a good job)....I am overwhelming and exhausted to say the least!
But in all of this struggle, strife and temptation to play the victim, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me much about trials...
Last Sunday, to our surprise, we were rushing to the ER at 6:30am. Our neighbor graciously came over to watch our two children as we were preparing our minds for potential surgery for my husband. After about an hour in the ER, we finally made it back to a room (with no official diagnosis yet). Here is were my struggle begins....
For the first time since I have had children, I had to choose between my husband and my children. It had already been an hour and I knew our 6-week old would need to nurse again soon and our 18-month old daughter would need breakfast. With a sad heart, I left the hospital room and rushed home to my babies. Shortly after I arrived at home, a good friend texted me and offered to take our oldest to church so that I could make my way back to the hospital before my husbands 10am surgery.
The day came and went and we survived the day. He made it out of surgery okay. A friend brought me lunch (THANK YOU!!) and baby boy slept on my chest almost the whole day in the baby carrier as I waited in the hospital for my husband. To my surprise, they let him out the same day...at 3pm! At least we could watch the Super Bowl. :)
The next day, Monday, was a huge challenge for me as I faced the real temptation to play the victim and over dramatize my life. You see, I had to take both sick kids to my daughter's 18-month old doctors appointment. Putting on my Wonder Woman panties, I fed both kids, prepared the diaper bag, loaded the car and made it to the appointment in one piece...with only a few tears and struggles along the way. After the appointment, I took two screaming kids through the pharmacy drive-thru to get pain meds/prescriptions for the husband...they would not be ready for 20-minutes! Seriously?!!?! Rushing home, I put the 18-month old down for a nap, loaded my 6-week old back into the car to pick to the drugs.
I feel like I have not been able to stop since then.
Last night I spent a "romantic" valentines day running to tend to the needs of my two very sick children, including the several screaming fits of my 18-month old because she was in so much pain (fever & virus on top of teething! What a combo!). And caring for my husband who worked two ER shifts, overdid it and is now back on the couch unable to help (although he really does want to help out!) But I am grateful for the 3-hours of sleep I got last night...lol.
In those sleepless nights and days this week, I have realized that it is easy to play the victim. Thinking I am the ONLY one in the history of humans to "suffer" this type of life. Between the laundry, dishes, making meals, nursing my son who apparently wants to nurse EVERY HOUR among trying to squeeze in Bible Study, grocery shopping, class prep (going back to work soon) and bill paying...all while my sick daughter SCREAMS at the top of her lungs in pain and my husband lays helpless on the couch (unable to do anything but tell me I am doing a good job)....I am overwhelming and exhausted to say the least!
But in all of this struggle, strife and temptation to play the victim, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me much about trials...
- James 1:2-4: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that this testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
- 2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
- Psalm 28:7: The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
It is in seasons like these that I am thankful for my faith. Thankful for the Holy Spirit whispering encouragement in my ear. Thankful for friends who have blessed us with meals (and doughnuts!). Thankful that God is the one who gives me strength.
So, I ask you....do you face the temptation to play the victim? To overdramatize your current situation? If so, trust the Lord. Trust His perfect timing for everything that is happening in your life. Trust that He is refining you. Trust that He works all things together for good. Trust the process...allowing your heart to be overwhelmed with His goodness rather than overwhelmed by the trials you face. Remember... "consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds...."
Friday, February 5, 2016
Giving Myself Grace
WAY back when (18-months ago), I was faced with a life-altering event. An event that would push, pull and stretch me in ways I never imagined. An event that would cause me to sacrifice in areas I never knew were so valuable. An event that influences me still to this day....and everyday.
The event, you might be wondering.....? Motherhood!
I felt like I made the adjustment fairly well. After 51 hours of labor, ending in a c-section, lack of milk production which led to formula supplementation for a few weeks, and a recovery that prevented me from directly caring for my child except for nursing, I celebrated the one-month milestone of keeping my daughter alive...all of which would have been VERY challenging without my husband being home during that time! :)
The months to follow did include sleeplessness and a completely altered schedule, but with the help of my amazing husband, life was good...not always easy but certainly manageable. My daughter was a solid napper, allowing me time to rest, shower, have a warm meal. I hardly ever had to drink cold coffee and (despite her spitting up all of the time and cloth diapers) I was able to keep up with the laundry and most of the housework. Everyday I was able to get outside to walk or run off my baby weight, enjoying the warm sun and time with my tiny human. Managing full-time work and home responsibility seemed to balance out well.
Life was good! God had blessed us with a wonderful blessing and we were all the better for it!
Speeding ahead 18-months (which is today), we are blessed with another amazing creation of God...our 1-month old son! Not to compare, but he is quiet different than our daughter and sometime difficult to figure out. My labor was nothing short of a miracle of God's faithfulness and provision. The days to follow were so sweet and tender as we celebrated not only his birth but the birth of our Savior as well. My love for him keeps growing and growing as we get to know each other and as we celebrate each tiny milestone like lifting his head, tracking with his eyes, and cooing & talking more. It is simply amazing to see how God created human life including human development. I am in awe of HIM who created life and HIM who blessed us with our son.
Despite enjoying these wonderful moment and celebrating this tiny but profound milestones, the transition from one little human to two little humans has proven to be more of a challenge than I thought.
I am learning again how to sacrifice (even more) the things I once held as valuable. My house is not always clean (which is a BIG deal for me if you know how important cleanliness is to me!). Laundry baskets of unclean and unfolded clothes linger in the hallway and living room (something I use to judge others for). My bills don't get paid right when I receive them in the mail (but they are on-time!). Showering is certainly low on the priority list (gross, I know). Oh, hot coffee? What is that? My son desires to be held most of the time resulting in carrying him around the house in the baby carrier on my chest as I chase after my 18-month old. My body is sore and tired. My mind is not always as sharp as it once was. Most of the time I hear the "Hallelujah" chorus ringing in my ears when both children have (FINALLY) drifted to sleep...on their own, without being held...AT THE SAME TIME!
I cherish these moments of silence (although I am learning to cherish every waking moment we do have together as well...see my previous blog). These quiet moments allow for reflection, Bible Study, sleep or enjoying a meal while watching a TV episode. I find it important to recharge by chatting with a friend, writing a quick blog, working on my digital scrapbooks or begin the painful process of planning out my Spring Quarter classes (which isn't quiet recharging but necessary).
Through this process of becoming a mother of "two under two" I have learned to give myself grace. Take time for myself. Ask and accept help. And most of all enjoy the stages of my littles (including the good and bad days and stages.
So, what is the point of all of my rambling....? To remind all those mothers out there that none of us have it all together. Motherhood is hard. It requires so much of us that at times we feel we have little to give to anyone else...yet I also remind you that mothering the next generation is THE most important task we will ever be assigned to next to worshiping our God and honoring our marriage. So, give yourself grace. Learn to see humor in life's challenges and worship God for blessing you with the incredible life you have. For me, 18-months has gone by all too quickly.
The event, you might be wondering.....? Motherhood!
I felt like I made the adjustment fairly well. After 51 hours of labor, ending in a c-section, lack of milk production which led to formula supplementation for a few weeks, and a recovery that prevented me from directly caring for my child except for nursing, I celebrated the one-month milestone of keeping my daughter alive...all of which would have been VERY challenging without my husband being home during that time! :)
The months to follow did include sleeplessness and a completely altered schedule, but with the help of my amazing husband, life was good...not always easy but certainly manageable. My daughter was a solid napper, allowing me time to rest, shower, have a warm meal. I hardly ever had to drink cold coffee and (despite her spitting up all of the time and cloth diapers) I was able to keep up with the laundry and most of the housework. Everyday I was able to get outside to walk or run off my baby weight, enjoying the warm sun and time with my tiny human. Managing full-time work and home responsibility seemed to balance out well.
Life was good! God had blessed us with a wonderful blessing and we were all the better for it!
Speeding ahead 18-months (which is today), we are blessed with another amazing creation of God...our 1-month old son! Not to compare, but he is quiet different than our daughter and sometime difficult to figure out. My labor was nothing short of a miracle of God's faithfulness and provision. The days to follow were so sweet and tender as we celebrated not only his birth but the birth of our Savior as well. My love for him keeps growing and growing as we get to know each other and as we celebrate each tiny milestone like lifting his head, tracking with his eyes, and cooing & talking more. It is simply amazing to see how God created human life including human development. I am in awe of HIM who created life and HIM who blessed us with our son.
Despite enjoying these wonderful moment and celebrating this tiny but profound milestones, the transition from one little human to two little humans has proven to be more of a challenge than I thought.
I am learning again how to sacrifice (even more) the things I once held as valuable. My house is not always clean (which is a BIG deal for me if you know how important cleanliness is to me!). Laundry baskets of unclean and unfolded clothes linger in the hallway and living room (something I use to judge others for). My bills don't get paid right when I receive them in the mail (but they are on-time!). Showering is certainly low on the priority list (gross, I know). Oh, hot coffee? What is that? My son desires to be held most of the time resulting in carrying him around the house in the baby carrier on my chest as I chase after my 18-month old. My body is sore and tired. My mind is not always as sharp as it once was. Most of the time I hear the "Hallelujah" chorus ringing in my ears when both children have (FINALLY) drifted to sleep...on their own, without being held...AT THE SAME TIME!
I cherish these moments of silence (although I am learning to cherish every waking moment we do have together as well...see my previous blog). These quiet moments allow for reflection, Bible Study, sleep or enjoying a meal while watching a TV episode. I find it important to recharge by chatting with a friend, writing a quick blog, working on my digital scrapbooks or begin the painful process of planning out my Spring Quarter classes (which isn't quiet recharging but necessary).
Through this process of becoming a mother of "two under two" I have learned to give myself grace. Take time for myself. Ask and accept help. And most of all enjoy the stages of my littles (including the good and bad days and stages.
So, what is the point of all of my rambling....? To remind all those mothers out there that none of us have it all together. Motherhood is hard. It requires so much of us that at times we feel we have little to give to anyone else...yet I also remind you that mothering the next generation is THE most important task we will ever be assigned to next to worshiping our God and honoring our marriage. So, give yourself grace. Learn to see humor in life's challenges and worship God for blessing you with the incredible life you have. For me, 18-months has gone by all too quickly.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
When did our children grow up?
I was on a walk today (trying to walk off my baby weight...pushing one child and carrying the other). On my normal route to Starbucks, I pass a school. School had been out for a while but I saw two mothers talking in between their vans with their children running around. I had to pause.
On the rest of the walk home, I spent in reflection...when did my children grow up?
I looked down at the sweet face of my 5-week old infant who was strapped to my chest, sleeping with his face so relaxed resting on my chest...how has a month already gone by? When did he stop wanting to fall asleep on my chest while laying on the couch? Start rolling over? Staying awake longer in the day? Sleeping more at night....oh wait! I remember the day that happened!! :)
Although it has only been a month, he keeps growing...changing...eventaully become less dependant on me (which is a good thing, something I desire, a natural part of the process). It reminded me to cherish every single moment...before I know it, he will be like those boys running around my vehicle as I chat with a fellow mommy-warrior. A part of my heart became sad. Another part was so joyful as I prayed to God for the future of my son.
Then I looked down. Before my eyes over the last year and a half, my sweet daughter has grown into a little girl. Playing more independently, counting to 6, having an opinion about what she wears (especially her shoes!). :) There was once a time when all she wanted to do was snuggle in my lap and read books; a time when she needed more help getting dressed, eating, sitting in a chair...all of the million little things she can now do on her own. Now I am blessed if she can sit still through "Goodnight Moon" or snuggle as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes after a nap. It is amazing to see all that she is learning and how daily she is absorbing the world around her making it her own. I am proud of the little person she is become but mourn some of the cherished times we had together when she was younger.
Being a new "mother of two" has certainly been a challenge. My husband went back to work yesterday after a month off and managing bedtime with a overly tired toddler and a screaming "I need milk-now" infant has certainly proved to be a challenge; yet today I realized again that it is ALL worth it...every moment of it! It makes me want to embrace every moment of snuggling, every look of affection, every meal we have and every time I sit with my children reading stories.
Most days are long and hard but then I remember that God is the one who blessed me with this job...with this two precious children...and with the ability to manage all aspects of my life through HIS strength. He is the one who has reminded me over and over again to embrace each moment... pleasant or otherwise. The days go by too fast and our children grow up when we are not looking...so LOOK! ENJOY! EMBRACE! ...every moment we are given with those God has entrusted us with.
~B~
On the rest of the walk home, I spent in reflection...when did my children grow up?
I looked down at the sweet face of my 5-week old infant who was strapped to my chest, sleeping with his face so relaxed resting on my chest...how has a month already gone by? When did he stop wanting to fall asleep on my chest while laying on the couch? Start rolling over? Staying awake longer in the day? Sleeping more at night....oh wait! I remember the day that happened!! :)
Although it has only been a month, he keeps growing...changing...eventaully become less dependant on me (which is a good thing, something I desire, a natural part of the process). It reminded me to cherish every single moment...before I know it, he will be like those boys running around my vehicle as I chat with a fellow mommy-warrior. A part of my heart became sad. Another part was so joyful as I prayed to God for the future of my son.
Then I looked down. Before my eyes over the last year and a half, my sweet daughter has grown into a little girl. Playing more independently, counting to 6, having an opinion about what she wears (especially her shoes!). :) There was once a time when all she wanted to do was snuggle in my lap and read books; a time when she needed more help getting dressed, eating, sitting in a chair...all of the million little things she can now do on her own. Now I am blessed if she can sit still through "Goodnight Moon" or snuggle as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes after a nap. It is amazing to see all that she is learning and how daily she is absorbing the world around her making it her own. I am proud of the little person she is become but mourn some of the cherished times we had together when she was younger.
Being a new "mother of two" has certainly been a challenge. My husband went back to work yesterday after a month off and managing bedtime with a overly tired toddler and a screaming "I need milk-now" infant has certainly proved to be a challenge; yet today I realized again that it is ALL worth it...every moment of it! It makes me want to embrace every moment of snuggling, every look of affection, every meal we have and every time I sit with my children reading stories.
Most days are long and hard but then I remember that God is the one who blessed me with this job...with this two precious children...and with the ability to manage all aspects of my life through HIS strength. He is the one who has reminded me over and over again to embrace each moment... pleasant or otherwise. The days go by too fast and our children grow up when we are not looking...so LOOK! ENJOY! EMBRACE! ...every moment we are given with those God has entrusted us with.
~B~
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