Growing a Family: Teaching Gratitude

Luke 12:15"Then he said, 'Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own.'”

Proverbs 28:25"Greed causes fighting; trusting the Lord leads to prosperity.

Greed is not something you need to teach. It just so happens by our human nature we are inclined to want more, want what we don't have and want what someone else has. It is a deceitful condition of our heart.  

As adults, many of us have found ways to "hide" or justify this heart condition or make it seem like our greed is culturally acceptable. As an onlooker, we too have on our rosy colored glasses and dismiss this for what it really is: SIN.

Young children on the other hand have little to no filter. They have not yet learned the "art" of self-preservation when it comes to this sin. They see it. They want it. They take it. (And as parents and caretakers we are left with shepherding their young deceitful hearts).

So what do we do? Our children are fighting over a toy. They are not satisfied with the special, once-in-a-while dessert treat, requesting more. The toys, clothes, etc. are just simply not enough. The words formed out of their sweet mouths reflect the struggle and battle that is going on within their hearts. (Luke 6:45: for his mouthspeaks from the overflow of his heart.)

As a response, we turn to the scriptures for training and guidance. We fall on our knees in prayer seeking Wisdom from the One who holds the universe. We question God, seeking areas in our own life where we might be reflecting and unknowingly teaching this behavior to our children.

This is not a battle easily won. It is deeper than just "stuff." It is a lack of recognition and understanding of who God REALLY is and how He will ALWAYS provide for His children. In a way, it is saying that what Jesus did on the cross was not enough. Some reading this might think this is a stretch--- talking about the simple object of a toy to a deeper theological issue such as Christ's death--- yet it is connected. Going back to the 10 Commandments in Exodus 20, we can see that many of the commandments are rooted in this notion of greed which is why God warns us so that we can be on guard.

The challenge is figuring out how to translate this to a 3-year-old. The ideas of appreciating what you have, being content and satisfied, the concept of giving and sharing. And even more convicting, living these things out in our own lives before calling out our children. We can take away their stuff (natural consequences); we can minimize their closet full of toys; we can force them to give their things away but the root problem is still there: sin. The ugly three letter word that the enemy tries so hard to use to distract us from living our life as co-heirs with Christ. 

So I conclude this blog post with not a "10-simple ways" list to teach our children gratitude but rather a plea to see the deeper spiritual issue and pray. Pray. PRAY. for the wisdom that only God can give. As you do, PLEASE SHARE! :) Many of us struggle with this sin (whether it be us or our children). Lets join together, support each other and speak truth in love, sharing what the Lord Himself is revealing. 

Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Growing a Family: Saying Yes

Saying YES.

Who doesn't like to be told YES?

Yes, eat that ice cream! Yes, buy that shirt. Yes, go out with your friends sans kids.

It feels good to be told yes. It gives me a sense of worth, like I am noticed; like what I ask or do is important. It makes me feel heard. It makes me feel like the ideas I have are valid and valuable.

The opposite of the heart-warmth of a "yes" is a no. Being told no makes me feel shut down, like I don't matter; sometimes it even makes me feel like I am just not good enough for a yes.

Examining this, we are trying to adopt a new "say yes" parenting style, asking ourselves, "why not here? why not now?" "What could we miss out on if we say no?" "What would the effects, both positive and negative be, if we said yes?"  "Do those benefits outweigh the negative?"

It has been a hard transition for us, realizing that as parents we say "no" more often than "yes." It means setting aside our agenda or timetable and control to see the world from smaller, more curious and sometimes more aware eyes. It is embracing the interruption, teaching a skill, enjoying a completely unplanned moment. It is building trust and confidence. It is teaching independent thinking.

For example, leaving a friends house today our 3-year old daughter reached down for one of our "car" books (special books we only leave in the car). She looked at me as she was buckling herself in and asked if I could read her the story.  To set the scene: it was HOT. The car A/C was barely cooling and my tummy was grumbling. I gave her the quick, "no, I will read it at home" line before starting to buckle my own seatbelt. The look on her face was rejection. It was a quick look, one that most would probably miss if you didn't really know my daughter. So I asked myself, "why not here? why not now?" To be honest, it would take less than 5 minutes to read "Polar Bear, Polar bear what do you see." So, I did. I momentarily set aside the busyness of my mind, sat in between the two front seats facing the back and happily read her the book. She was excited, expressive and enthralled as each page turned. It really did take less than 5 minutes before we were on our way.

A "yes" is powerful. It builds up a relationship. It provides another shared experience to discuss. I find the more "yeses" I say, the more my daughter is coming to me and sharing her fears, hurts and joys.

This is not to say that we never say no. Come on, there are plenty of times and situations when a yes in completely inappropriate...."yes, go ahead and hit your brother over the head." ... Just joking. :)  It is setting up boundaries and rules, teaching and striving towards the bigger picture rather than trying to manage every little moment.

For a person who loves control, order, planned activity, things to be in there place, saying YES has been a spiritual discipline. Does it REALLY matter if my son wants to bring all of his toys from his room to the living room? No. Does it REALLY matter is my daughter wants to eat dinner on the grass in the front yard rather than in the stuffy, hot house? No. Saying yes to the little things shows me how much God has said yes to me. Over the years, God certainly has said "yes" to me more times that He as said no. He may have said, "not right now" or "maybe after you (blank)" but even in that, I have still felt His love and companionship. Saying YES has been showing me just how creative my children are and how much God has created their little minds to think.

So, learn to say yes! Learn to see things from the vantage point of the one asking. And remember, "Why not here? Why not now?"

Be encouraged fellow sojourners, greater things await!

Growing a Family: YET GOD

It is official, I no longer have three kids under the age of three. Although I would have hoped that things would change instantly, my hopes were unfilled.

It has been a journey to say the least having 3 children. Our young sure threw us for a loop in more ways than one but now he is a health 16.5 pound 4-month old who is sleeping roughly 4-5 hour stretches at night. His older siblings have adjusted well. The oldest asserting her independence and our second child learning how to use words and communicate;  and we are all finding what I like to call our new normal.

In the early days of our adjustment, I felt desperately that I would never be able to watch all three kids at the same time alone. How things have changed.

God has been teaching us more and more about trusting Him, letting the sometimes urgent but unimportant things pass us by, and the joy and significance of a messy house.  After almost losing our youngest at least 2 or three times, I have come to embrace, smell and be more than present in every. single. moment.

On the completion of some days... okay, lets be honest...most days...I feel like a total failure. I have NO IDEA what I am doing. In every new season of life, it is the first for me...the first time having a 3 year old; the first time having three kids; the first time potty training; the first time having to exclusively pump breastmilk for my son; first time loving and disciplining each child in the new stage they are in. The list goes on. Yet even when I feel like a failure, reflecting back on all the thing I could have done better or differently, God speaks to me:

 "I. Will. Teach. You." 

So powerful!! Reading books, articles, talking with others in the same season and those who have gone before are all helpful activities and do offer valuable insights, yet God. Yet God, Yet God wants to teach me. He is THE source to teach me.  So what does this mean?

It means I need to stop working in my own power. It means I need to pray more. Read more scripture. Teach my children more scripture. Seek God on disciplinary decisions. Yet God. Two powerful words that are changing my parenting style.

It means staying in the NOW...not looking ahead for tomorrow (for it is not guaranteed). It means not worrying about "messing up" my kids...because if I am in His presence, trusting HIM in each moment, He will teach me!

So at the end of the day, when I sit and reflect on the happenings of the day, I no longer recount my moments of failure. Instead, I pray for each child, replaying the special moments I had with each one of them (being intentional throughout the day to have one-on-one time with each of them). It means enjoying this season of life even though it is hard. It means being brave to take all three kids out by myself on visits or to the store or the library. It means staying focused on the call of Motherhood God has given me, forsaking many other "good" ministry activities so that I can embrace my small little humans. It means that I stop folding clothes or doing the dishes when my daughter asks me to play dolls with her. It means that I stop preparing dinner to play trucks with my son. It means sitting on the kitchen floor, as dirty as it maybe, and having a snack, a cuddle or a sing-song session. It means holding my youngest tightly as I sit on the couch and smell him, noticing his thick hair, the wrinkles on his forehead instead of examining the living room for the next thing that has to be done. It means making my marriage a priority in the midst of caring for these three humans. It means seeking God for the time and motivation for self-care: working out, studying the Bible, having visits with friends.

There is no way around it, it is a busy and sometimes tough season, YET GOD! He is so good to me in all that He provides. I have decided...I have chosen to be so very thankful for this difficult season, embracing my marriage and kids in the present moment. It is a difficult exercise but at the end of each day, I have little to no regrets. Praise the Lord.

YET. GOD!  "I WILL teach you..." It is a promise He gives. Lets embrace it!