Growing TWO boys: What is a gentleman

I have two boy, 15-months apart. Wow, huh? It sometimes even surprises me. As these boys get older, I desire to teach them how to be gentlemen. This looks vastly different (in some ways) than it use to look but regardless, I began a small-ish list of things I want to teach my boys. What am I missing? Can this really be achieved? I'm interested in your thoughts.

A Gentleman (in no particular order):

• To have fun but not at the expense of others
• Stands by his word: his yes is yes and his no is no.
• Knows that no means no
• Lets ladies go first: holds open doors, offers his seat, allows her to order at a restaurant first, considers the needs of others above his own
• Is willing to be/go last to allow others to go ahead of him 
• Makes decisions confidently and with much thought
• Is honest, truthful--not leading other on
• In conversation: Asks interesting questions, learns how to listen without interruption
• Gives eye contact when speaking or when being spoken to
• Understands (and executes) being well-groomed/taking care of appearance
• Knows how to cook and conduct normal household chores
• At the table: knows table manners, says please and thank you, allows the women to be seated first
• Pays attention to the small details
• Is friendly and respectful to everyone
• Recognizes that character is more favorable than position
• Knows how to offer an introduction in social settings
• Can critically think/problem solve 
• Excuses himself from a table/social setting to blow his nose or take a phone call
• Takes care of what he owns: appreciates it, fixes it, puts it away
• Offers to help those in need--whether it be to life a bag into a car or purchase a hot cup of coffee to the homeless on the street.

This list seems lofty, doesn't it? I have been thinking a lot about my boys and how I can best serve them as their momma, I want them both to be passionate and kind. To be gentle yet fierce. To be respectful and fun-loving. I want them to stand out in personality because of their thoughtfulness. Yes, these are lofty dreams for my boys. They both have such different personalities that I am not exactly sure how to even teach them these things. In all honesty, they are just 15-mo and 2 1/2 years old. I am not expecting brilliance but I do require respect. It is hard to find a balance between fun and respect, rule and joy but the more the boys follow to the basic rules, the more joy they seem to have. I delight in the challenge to help my boys become gentlemen. It is through writing lists like this, making it concrete for myself, that I can encourage them in small ways towards this end. It is an exciting and overwhelming task but as their biggest fan, I will be with them with encouragement and love every step of the away.

Summer Sabbath: Patience & Trust

Last week, June, my 14-month old son had a follow-up appointment with the gastrointestinal department. Up until a few months ago it has been a struggle to get him to eat certain foods due to reflux and to teach him to drink from a bottle/sippy cup (he was born prematurely, with little chance of survival at birth).  Due to an overwhelmed schedule we MISSED his scheduled early December appointment. I have NEVER missed any appointment or follow-up.

I received a letter in the mail notifying me of the missed appointment and I was devastated! I was so anxious to have this appointment as well as meet with a dietitian but we some how overlooked it on our busy schedule and could not get rescheduled until last week.

At the time of receiving the letter, I called the office and gladly accepted the June appointment...even more anxious because it was 4-months out and anxious because I was concerned about my son.

Fast forward to the appointment: As I prepared the diaper bag to head out to the medical office, I had a smile on my face. I KNEW that my son no longer needed this service from the gastrointestinal department at the children's hospital. This appointment, which happened to occur during Sabbath Summer, made me realize the lack of patience and trust in my own life towards God and His plans/ways.

Since birth I have been concerned about my son's eating and digestion. I kept detailed charts and logs of medications, formula in-takes, solid foods consumed. Throughout his 14-months of life, doctors told me that our son would eventually grow out of many of these digestive issues and his three medications. Was it that I didn't want to believe them? Was it that I wanted to rush the process? I wanted answers then and there. I wanted our son to be "fixed" NOW! I was (still am) an exhausted, sleep deprived mother of three, stretched thin by my marriage, kids, full-time work, church involvement, friends... (the list goes on). I confess, I wanted it...him...to be fixed so that I could "move on" to other things. (I confess my pride here too!).

Now our son is a growing, healthy boy who is eating anything and everything without any restrictions (except for the size of his finger foods). I know that perspective is always 20/20 but this experience made me realize my lack of trust in God's ability to take care of our son (and us!).

It was a very good revelation that God showed me...that God is good even when we can't see it. He is working things out in His timing and in His way. He requires us to patiently endure in long-suffering and steadfastness in Him...even when we don't know the outcome or the path is not yet made clear. This is the same "skill" required for developing deepened relationships--steadfastness and patiently enduring the good and hard in relationships.

This experience also revealed to me that we cannot force God's hand. Outside His will, we might be able to force a solution, an outcome or control the situation in some way yet the results are unsatisfying, challenging and often times end up creating more stress and anxiety. Some situations just require TIME and PATIENCE. No matter how badly I wanted my son to be "fixed" or how many appointments I forcefully scheduled nothing would change the fact that God required TIME for my son to outgrow the struggles he as enduring which required me to patiently accept where our son was. Instead of wanting him to be at the end of this, to enjoy the PROCESS of reaching the end...pressing deeper into God rejoicing in His favor and embracing the discipline of patience.

Moving forward in this Sabbath Summer, I wish to adopt this discipline of patience: with God, with my husband, with my kids, with my friendships, with communication, with purchasing, with everything. I will attempt to see God moving before I predetermine my will verses God's will and His way.  I will practice patience which will also help me practice trust.

Growing a family: Blood, Boogers & Boys

Three years ago, I started the life long journey of motherhood. My darling daughter entered the world in a very unexpected way stealing a part of my heart in the process. We had 16-months of bonding, just her and I (and her Daddy, of course), before our second child, a son, was born. When I thought my heart could not possibly love another little human as much as I loved the first, I embraced our first born son and rejoiced to God, for this little creature was an answer to so many prayers. To our delight, when our son was 15-months old, we experienced the birth of our three child, another son.

Although a small part of me longs for the days of bonding with just my darling first, now my life is rich and full having the responsibility of caring for two other children... my sons. I was shocked and surprised that God thought I would be a good "boy mom." Just recently, I saw a post for activewear with the logo #BOYMOM. Then it dawned on me....I AM A BOY MOM! I some how never put those terms to my role as a mother or accepted that identity for myself...wow! I am not just a mother, but a mother to not one but TWO boys!

Seriously though, what do I know about being a "boy mom."

My oldest son is a month and a half shy of being two. My youngest son is 7-months. In just this short time, I have experienced more blood, boogers and blenches from these two little human than from my first child. These boys are rough and tough; they like to rumble, be loud, be thrown. They like to be tackled, headlocked and wrestled with. Everything is about kicking and throwing. (Okay, this is mostly describing my almost 2-year old....my 7-month old can hardly sit up by himself). :)

Just the other day, my aggressive second and I were jumping on the trampoline out back. He laughed loader and harder the higher I launched him. At one point he bit either his lip or tongue (I couldn't tell). I, of course, stopped. I pounced over to him, scooped him up into my arms...and he began to laugh, blood lining the outer outline of his lips. He locked eyes with me, wiped the boogers from his nose onto his sleeve and then from his sleeve on to my arm. Then he shouted, "more, more." To my amazement, he got into the bouncing position and was quickly ready for more bouncing fun despite his bloody injury and extremely runny nose.

Today we spend a good hour crashing trucks into each other...seriously, what fun is that? But I obliged and joined in the smashing fun. The light in his eye was astounding. It brought him a joy that I will never understand.

I will not begin to pretend I know what I am doing, raising two sons. They are so different than me. They stretch me, growing me, make me think about the world around me in a different way. They cause me to pause and thank God for the creativity, tenderness and compassion growing in their spirits along with their ability and drive to play hard, laugh enormously, and compete fearlessly. I pray through all the blood and boogers that they will find peace, joy and strength in Jesus. Until then, I will try my best to love them with Jesus' love, embracing who God has created them to be...blood, booger and all.