Sunday, April 2, 2017: Bed Rest Day 6
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON!!
(33 weeks/2 days gestation)
The night was horrible. I was never able to really get to bed. My right leg hurt so bad that I couldn't even move it on my own. It felt like a 100 pound brick. My belly was so big that it prevented me from being able to get a full cough or full breath. The pressure from the increased fluid made it impossible to urinate. Contractions were peaking to the point of feeling like I was in full labor resulting in a 1 cm dilation (totaling 4 cm and 75% effaced). As my body processed all of these rather quick changes I began to shake uncontrollably. Finally, around 4:30am the torture was put to ease. The first pain med did not even touch the pain. They gave me a 1/2 dose of another, much stronger, pain med. This mildly eased the pain until they completed with a full dose. My body was finally able to rest.
We had the nurse call our doctor at two points during the night to consult and the on-call doc gladly came in to access the situation. I had made some progression but not enough that warranted a c-section at 5 in the morning. At this point, I was healthy and the baby was healthy. I slept for about 2 hours.
By 7am I was woken up by our nurse saying that our 12:30pm ultrasound got bumped up to 7am but only if we could leave immediately. Of course, we did. Our 1-hour appointment would be telling of our next course of action. It was a blessing and miracle that we could get this done first thing in the morning so that we could revise our game plan if needed.
The ultrasound tech measured my fluid levels...I was back up to 53 AFI (Thursday I was 40 and the day before 57...what the heck is going on?). Anyway, one of the major things the ultrasound would reveal is baby's respiratory function. For a 30-min window they needed to see him "breath" on his own. They were unable to see this. This is common or could have simply been missed.We were given a few new images of our sweet baby boy and then taken back up to our room.
I was super hungry at this point, roughly 8am. The last time I ate was "dinner" at 6pm which consisted of a few bites of fruit and a coffee from the hospital lobby. While they were trying to reach my doctor to determine if I could eat, the baby was put back on the monitor to measure his heart. With the excess fluid, it is difficult to keep him on the monitor because he has a big swimming pool to float around in. When he slowed down for a little while the nurses noticed that his heart was not accelerating the way it should. It was staying at his baseline but that was all.
I was getting a little anxious to hear the official ultrasound results, to further understand this "issue" with his heart and his breathing; and I was lightheaded because I needed food. Despite all of this, we waited patiently in our room until around 10:30am when the NICU doctor, Dr. Flood, and our OB/GYN Dr. Stearman appeared in our room to discuss all that was discovered and all that had changed (again) in the last 24-hours.
Per the the recommendation of both the NICU doc and my OB/GNY, around 11am, Tyler and I decided it was best for our family to have a baby today. It was a relatively ease decision as we reflected back on this whole week's set of events, risks vs. benefits as well was what was best for me and baby (especially in light of the night I had and the test results from baby). I was not anticipating a c-section until Friday yet it appeared that baby was doing just "ok" and not showing any signs of improving in the womb. Trying to push us both to make the 34-week mark would be of no benefit. It actually may have made things worse.
Shortly after this decision, the room cleared and it was just Tyler, me and my OB/GYN. She patiently and lovingly answered all of our questions. She even had tears in her eyes as she watched us process through the emotions of what was going to happen in the next hour or so. Going into this surgery to retrieve our son, we knew there was still a 50/50 chance of survival. I remember saying though tears and labored breathing, "But I just love our son so much already and I haven't even met him. I don't want to lose him," Tyler asked if our doctor would be okay if he prayed over me. She got a little smile on her face and joined us! As I laid on the bed, Tyler held my hand and our doctor laid hands on my belly and prayed over us. She prayed that this baby would be a fighter; she prayed for steady hands and wisdom; she prayed that I would do okay with the surgery. It was amazing. We said our amens' looking at each other with tears in our eyes, not knowing the fate of this baby boy.
Moments later things started happening rapidly. I was cleaned and changed for surgery. Still having pain, I was given a slight dose of pain meds (thank goodness! This helped with the pain and calmed my nerves). Tyler put on scrubs and within 20 minutes we were back in the OR. I was asked to sit on the OR table and hunch over my belly...yea, easier said than done!... so the epidural could be placed. I closed my eyes, focused on my breathing and squeezed Tyler's hands all while praying over our son and the traumatic events that my son and I would go through.
The OR was joined be another through clear glass doors. I remember sitting on the OR table and seeing the clock, 11:47am, as the NICU team started to appear and set up the OR next to mine for my unborn son. I was quickly lowered onto the table since the epidural was starting to kick in. Things from there were kinda a blur. I was a little loopy from the pain meds given prior to the surgery and the other IV meds began to really effect me as well. It was kinda a drunk/out-of-it feeling. As the surgeons began to cut I could feel no pain and I could feel the weight of the fluid coming off. It was an amazing sensation! It literally sounded like a shop vac in there as they suctioned all the fluids. I felt minimal tugging and pulling because my uterus was so stretched out. He came out very quickly and easily at 12:19pm. I vaguely remember seeing someone walking from my OR to my sons'...just steps away, but I didn't get to see him or hear any cries (which was expected). From that moment forward, Tyler was doing the best he could to be there for me as well as our son. I told him to just enjoy being with our son, especially since we had no idea what his condition was really like. Tyler took a few pictures of our son and walked back over to show me as they prepared to close my incision. That was the first time I got to "see" our son. I looked back up at the clock, 12:23pm. By 12:40 the NICU team and Tyler left their OR and I remained as they wrapped things up. As the rolled me down the hallway to the recovery, I ended up throwing up a bit. An unpleasant side effect of the epidural medication. Tyler and I FaceTimed while I was in recovery so I could get a better look at baby. During this conversation I learned that our son, not more than an hour old, would need to be transferred up to Seattle Children's Hospital.
I was so sad that I would not even get to see him or touch him for days since I just had a major surgery myself and was in recovery "lock down" for 2-hours post-op. I knew he needed to catch a ride to Seattle as soon as possible so I settled in mind that it would be at least two or three days before I would see him. Well, my wonderful dream-team of nurses "snuck" me up to the NICU at TG so that I could lock eye on him and touch his precious little feet. It literally felt like Christmas, only 1000x more exciting. I seriously was jumping out of my gurney with excitement to see him. I was wheeled into the room backwards and immediately began to cry tears of joy. All the physical pain I was feeling suddenly went away as I gently stroked his feet and called him by his name. I was the very first person to call him by name, OLIVER SINCLAIR!
When I began talking to him and saying his name, although intubated, his little tongue started to move backwards and forwards. He would do this only for me. HE KNEW HIS MOMMA! My heart melted. It was as if he was telling me that he was ready to fight. That he was strong. And that the battle was won in Jesus. I was overwhelmed by this moment! It was incredibly sad to be rolled out of the room with only getting such a short amount of time with him. My heart was breaking...what if he was in Seattle and took a turn for the worst and I wasn't there? I tried not to think on that too much...but instead tried to rest God's promises and scripture.
My friend Siobhan stayed with me every moment from being rolled out of the OR until the next day. It was a huge comfort to have someone who would pray over me, help me adjust my pillows, listen to my struggles or simply just sit in silence as I processed the whirlwind of a day. The day ended not nearly as dramatically as it started; however, it was strange that on my son's birthday I was without a son and without a husband. It was hard to realize that my body felt like I just gave birth but my baby was no where to be seen. I struggled with wanting to know what was happening at each moment with him to being so exhausted I fought to keep my eyes open.
We still have a LONG road ahead, counting each day we have with him a blessing and covering him with so much prayer that it is almost unfathomable. We do not know what will happen in front of us but we do know that God has given sweet Oliver Sinclair to us for today...in this moment. So we will soak it in. Enjoy this sweet personality and lean on Jesus even more!
Happy Birthday, our son, Oliver Sinclair.
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