A Reflection on Marriage
Written for a Bridal Shower
Just like your sparkly diamond on your
finger, marriage has many different facets. In different lights, you see
different aspects of the diamond. At first, you see nothing but sparkles and shine.
You are mesmerized by all the glitter. When in the car or sitting at work or
even grocery shopping (and should I confess, in church!), you notice this prism
out of the corner of your eye. You hold out your left hand and start to dream
about all this ring symbolizes. You quickly realize it is the ring that your
beloved has given you and also a promise of a new life together with him. You feel blessed, excited and maybe a bit
scared about what the future holds. Don’t worry, this is normal!
When taking a closer look at the diamond, you
see reflections of the things around you as well as a few imperfections in the
diamond. For a short moment, all you see are these flaws. Often times, pointing
out things that no one else can see. This is a great example of what we often
do to our self and also what we can do to our spouse. Picking out the flaws of
the other person or comparing the marriage with other couples creates a hostile
and uncomfortable environment. In marriage, it is so easy to see the faults of
the other person and/or avoid being vulnerable or transparent with our husbands
out of fear of rejection. If it is one thing that marriage has taught me, it
has been both my husband and I are flawed people. It is through being
transparent and vulnerable with each other that we have been able to work
through a lot of these flaws (or misunderstandings) to get to a point where
they are hardly noticed. Marriage (and Jesus) has taught me how to look past
the outwardly imperfections to appreciate the unseen facets of my husband. The
marriage, more often than not, reflects the sparkle and shine of the brand-new
diamond because of the vulnerability, transparency and communication invested
in the relationship. I pray this for you both!
As we move through life, there are also times
when the luster of the diamond is hidden because of dirt and grime that builds
up from baking cookies or doing yard work. However, thank goodness for the
jewelers who quickly work their magic to restore the shiny luster of the ring to
reveal the diamond we fell in love with. Confessing/forgiving regularly is even more
important than getting your ring cleaned regularly! Spending regular and quality
time with the “Jeweler of our Soul” will
help your marriage in so many ways! Often times, hurts or frustrations build up
until one day there is just piles of unspoken hurt. Just like your ring,
regular cleanings and maintenance are a must! It is important to schedule
special time for just the two of you to talk about where you are both at in the
marriage.
To say the least, we can certainly learn a
lot from a ring, but we can learn a whole lot more looking to the Creator of
the ring, our Lord Jesus.
Now that we have examined a few facets of
marriage, I would like to share with you a five things I wish I would have
known before I was married:
1)
God does the convicting! It is neither my job title nor my job
description! (2 Timothy 2:24-26)
·
Although, like Eve, I want to convince my husband that my way is
right (or even better), I have discovered that prayer works a whole lot better
than just telling my husband what to do. It might take an extra hour or even a
day, but the Holy Spirit is faithful to convict my husband of areas that need
to be corrected. This has also been a lot better for our relationship, too!
2)
It really is not all about me and my preferences, but rather
considering my husband above myself. Paul convinced me on this in Philippians
2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in
humility consider others better than yourselves.”
·
Things like: how to put the dishes away, how to fold the bath
towels, or what the word “clean” really
means.
·
I had to ask myself, “Will eternity be positively affected because
the dishes were put away “MY” way?” I have found that 99.9% of the time, the
answer to one of these issues is, “No!”
·
I was shocked when I learned this! J (But my way is still right! J/J)
3)
It was important to not only physically, but emotionally/mentally
leave my parents.
·
As Cristina Davidson says it, “Go to the throne and not the
phone.”
·
It was a hard transition to go from always seeking the advice from
my parents to seeking advice from my husband. It is important to learn to trust
your husband.
·
What I have learned is the best course of action is first prayer
and then talking with my husband. There was a heavy desire to go outside of my
marriage for advice (or to complain); however, I have learned that it is
important that I see my husband as my new best friend.
4)
I should be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become
angry.” James 1:19
·
Oops! I am still learning this one! J
5)
I have more power and influence over my husband than I thought.
·
Recognizing this, it became a huge responsibility.
·
Am I encouraging my husband or putting him down?
·
Am I steering him towards Christ or seeking to fill my own
desires/needs/wants?
Overall, marriage is a wonderfully designed
institute! Just like your sparkly diamond on your finger, marriage has many
different facets. It calls you to examine your heart and your motives for doing
or saying something. This is not always comfortable, but when God calls two
people together, it is amazing the transformation that takes place not only in
your own heart but in this newest season of your relationship.
Colossians 3:12-19 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,
compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing
with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each
other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all
these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let
the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one
body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and
admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual
songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or
deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the
Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the
Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
