Reflection on Marriage

A Reflection on Marriage

Written for a Bridal Shower

Just like your sparkly diamond on your finger, marriage has many different facets. In different lights, you see different aspects of the diamond. At first, you see nothing but sparkles and shine. You are mesmerized by all the glitter. When in the car or sitting at work or even grocery shopping (and should I confess, in church!), you notice this prism out of the corner of your eye. You hold out your left hand and start to dream about all this ring symbolizes. You quickly realize it is the ring that your beloved has given you and also a promise of a new life together with him.  You feel blessed, excited and maybe a bit scared about what the future holds. Don’t worry, this is normal!

When taking a closer look at the diamond, you see reflections of the things around you as well as a few imperfections in the diamond. For a short moment, all you see are these flaws. Often times, pointing out things that no one else can see. This is a great example of what we often do to our self and also what we can do to our spouse. Picking out the flaws of the other person or comparing the marriage with other couples creates a hostile and uncomfortable environment. In marriage, it is so easy to see the faults of the other person and/or avoid being vulnerable or transparent with our husbands out of fear of rejection. If it is one thing that marriage has taught me, it has been both my husband and I are flawed people. It is through being transparent and vulnerable with each other that we have been able to work through a lot of these flaws (or misunderstandings) to get to a point where they are hardly noticed. Marriage (and Jesus) has taught me how to look past the outwardly imperfections to appreciate the unseen facets of my husband. The marriage, more often than not, reflects the sparkle and shine of the brand-new diamond because of the vulnerability, transparency and communication invested in the relationship. I pray this for you both!

As we move through life, there are also times when the luster of the diamond is hidden because of dirt and grime that builds up from baking cookies or doing yard work. However, thank goodness for the jewelers who quickly work their magic to restore the shiny luster of the ring to reveal the diamond we fell in love with.  Confessing/forgiving regularly is even more important than getting your ring cleaned regularly! Spending regular and quality time with the “Jeweler of our Soul”  will help your marriage in so many ways! Often times, hurts or frustrations build up until one day there is just piles of unspoken hurt. Just like your ring, regular cleanings and maintenance are a must! It is important to schedule special time for just the two of you to talk about where you are both at in the marriage.

To say the least, we can certainly learn a lot from a ring, but we can learn a whole lot more looking to the Creator of the ring, our Lord Jesus.

Now that we have examined a few facets of marriage, I would like to share with you a five things I wish I would have known before I was married:

1)     God does the convicting! It is neither my job title nor my job description! (2 Timothy 2:24-26)

·         Although, like Eve, I want to convince my husband that my way is right (or even better), I have discovered that prayer works a whole lot better than just telling my husband what to do. It might take an extra hour or even a day, but the Holy Spirit is faithful to convict my husband of areas that need to be corrected. This has also been a lot better for our relationship, too!

2)     It really is not all about me and my preferences, but rather considering my husband above myself. Paul convinced me on this in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

·         Things like: how to put the dishes away, how to fold the bath towels, or what the word “clean” really means.

·         I had to ask myself, “Will eternity be positively affected because the dishes were put away “MY” way?” I have found that 99.9% of the time, the answer to one of these issues is, “No!”

·         I was shocked when I learned this! J  (But my way is still right! J/J)

3)     It was important to not only physically, but emotionally/mentally leave my parents.

·         As Cristina Davidson says it, “Go to the throne and not the phone.”

·         It was a hard transition to go from always seeking the advice from my parents to seeking advice from my husband. It is important to learn to trust your husband.

·         What I have learned is the best course of action is first prayer and then talking with my husband. There was a heavy desire to go outside of my marriage for advice (or to complain); however, I have learned that it is important that I see my husband as my new best friend.

4)     I should be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19

·         Oops! I am still learning this one! J

5)     I have more power and influence over my husband than I thought.

·         Recognizing this, it became a huge responsibility.

·         Am I encouraging my husband or putting him down?

·         Am I steering him towards Christ or seeking to fill my own desires/needs/wants?

Overall, marriage is a wonderfully designed institute! Just like your sparkly diamond on your finger, marriage has many different facets. It calls you to examine your heart and your motives for doing or saying something. This is not always comfortable, but when God calls two people together, it is amazing the transformation that takes place not only in your own heart but in this newest season of your relationship.

Colossians 3:12-19  Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,  bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.