Worry: Pregnancy: What if I start bleeding...again?

Worry: the practice of trying to change or control the future by thinking and rethinking, planning and over planning for an event that has not and may not occur. To dwell on an unpredictable event in the future.

That is my definition. Yes, I have been worried...somewhat secretly... about pregnancy #3.

It all stated with pregnancy #1...

Pregnancy #1
Outcome- successful: yet at week 15 I woke up to bloody sheets on a Tuesday morning. Initially I was in shock. I called my close friend and told her I would be a "little late" to bible study that morning because I had blood on my sheets and had to change the bedding. Then...it hit me. I was pregnant and bleeding. My husband, then in medical school, was up in Seattle without transportation because he took the commuter bus. I felt stuck. I called my mom; she rushed over and took me to the doctor and supported me during this crazy, crazy day. My husband finally found a way back home by our scheduled "emergency" ultrasound. I had placenta previa and was placed on modified bed rest for less than a week. My bleeding stopped soon after and the rest of my pregnancy was normal.

Pregnancy #2
Outcome-successful: yet at week 11.5, again on a Tuesday, I was at summer bible study. As I sat on the couch listening to the DVD on the book of Malachi, I felt like I was "leaking." I casually slide off the couch just a few minutes into the video and headed to the bathroom. It was a bloody mess! I was incredibly shocked to see that much blood. I froze. For sure I was having a miscarriage, I thought. As calmly as I could, I walked out, grabbed my phone without saying anything to the ladies in the room and headed back to the bathroom. They must have sensed something was wrong because my good friend, whose NEW leather couch I just bled all over, followed me back into the bathroom. Thankfully my husband was in town at the local dentist. I called the office and he rushed over in what felt like just minutes with new clothes, lots of pads and the direct route to the doctor's office. It felt like forever until we were called back. I explained the large amount of continual bleeding; and I was prepared in my heart that we lost our second child. The doctor placed the heart Doppler on my belly...no heat beat. Instant tears welled up in my eyes as I was processing everything. The shadowing medical student brought in the office ultrasound machine so that we could verify what I felt in my heart was already decided...but then...we saw a heartbeat! Praise the Lord!! An ultrasound appointment was schedule for 2pm in a nearby city (the only place that had an appointment available). We quickly found childcare for our first born and drove as calmly as we could to the appointment. Upon review of the ultrasound, I had placenta previa...more sever than the last pregnancy. However, they were not all the way sure as they also saw a subchorionic hematoma. This time I was told I could not lift, run, be on my feet, etc. for at least a full 7-days, until me next ultrasound appointment. They said something like, "Well, you might be miscarrying but for now we see a heartbeat." Well, at least there was a heartbeat! Over the next week, support flooded in and friends came over to lift my first born in and out of her crib, changer her diaper, prepare our meals. ((See original blog post here: unborn-fight-for-my-child)  Our prayers were answered. Our darling second born....well, was born! No complications beyond those scary weeks in which we had no idea what was going to happen.

Pregnancy #3
Outcome: To be determined.
This pregnancy has been vastly, vastly different than the other two in more ways than one. First off, I was literally nauseated for the first 13-ish weeks. Thankfully I never threw up. At times I could only handle simple, bland foods. In someways that was great because it helped me keep my first trimester weight down. :) Yet with each passing week, approaching the 11.5 week mark, I was more and more worried. I had an early ultrasound around 8-weeks. The doctor called...the DOCTOR CALLED...with the results. Never a good sign, right? Well, I did (do)? have the same subchorionic hematoma (blood clot) as I had with pregnancy #2 but she did not seem at all concerned. She wanted to talk me through the results so I was not shocked or concerned when I saw the results posted online. I was thankful for her concern and explanation. Although it did put me at ease...it also made me worry. So, 11.5 weeks came and went with no bleeding. We went on our "babymoon" / family vacation yet with each passing week I grew anxious. What if I start bleeding again? Last week was my "victory" week 15. It came and went with no bleeding and now I am happy to say I am 16 weeks along...with NO bleeding. I am trying my best to turn my worry over to God but it is so hard. Honestly, though, who by worrying can add a single hour to the day? (Like 12:25). Lets say I do start bleeding....what really can I do? Life is in the hand of the Creator regardless of what I do or do not do. So, I am trying to rest in this amazing gift...this third pregnancy with no complications (as of yet).

There is a reason why the word "worry," in various forms, appears 365 times in the Bible. One verse for each day. So, I put my trust in Him who created all...big and small...in the One who is more concern about this precious life growing inside of me..more than I will ever know.

Thank you Jesus that You are the One we can put our trust and lay our worry down. You are Faithful at bringing us peace and hope and joy beyond measure.
~Amen~