Giving Myself Grace

WAY back when (18-months ago), I was faced with a life-altering event. An event that would push, pull and stretch me in ways I never imagined. An event that would cause me to sacrifice in areas I never knew were so valuable. An event that influences me still to this day....and everyday.

The event, you might be wondering.....? Motherhood!

I felt like I made the adjustment fairly well. After 51 hours of labor, ending in a c-section, lack of milk production which led to formula supplementation for a few weeks, and a recovery that prevented me from directly caring for my child except for nursing, I celebrated the one-month milestone of keeping my daughter alive...all of which would have been VERY challenging without my husband being home during that time! :)

The months to follow did include sleeplessness and a completely altered schedule, but with the help of my amazing husband, life was good...not always easy but certainly manageable. My daughter was a solid napper, allowing me time to rest, shower, have a warm meal. I hardly ever had to drink cold coffee and (despite her spitting up all of the time and cloth diapers) I was able to keep up with the laundry and most of the housework. Everyday I was able to get outside to walk or run off my baby weight, enjoying the warm sun and time with my tiny human. Managing full-time work and home  responsibility seemed to balance out well.

Life was good! God had blessed us with a wonderful blessing and we were all the better for it!

Speeding ahead 18-months (which is today), we are blessed with another amazing creation of God...our 1-month old son! Not to compare, but he is quiet different than our daughter and sometime difficult to figure out. My labor was nothing short of a miracle of God's faithfulness and provision. The days to follow were so sweet and tender as we celebrated not only his birth but the birth of our Savior as well. My love for him keeps growing and growing as we get to know each other and as we celebrate each tiny milestone like lifting his head, tracking with his eyes, and cooing & talking more. It is simply amazing to see how God created human life including human development. I am in awe of HIM who created life and HIM who blessed us with our son.

Despite enjoying these wonderful moment and celebrating this tiny but profound milestones, the transition from one little human to two little humans has proven to be more of a challenge than I thought.

I am learning again how to sacrifice (even more) the things I once held as valuable. My house is not always clean (which is a BIG deal for me if you know how important cleanliness is to me!). Laundry baskets of unclean and unfolded clothes linger in the hallway and living room (something I use to judge others for). My bills don't get paid right when I receive them in the mail (but they are on-time!). Showering is certainly low on the priority list (gross, I know). Oh, hot coffee? What is that? My son desires to be held most of the time resulting in carrying him around the house in the baby carrier on my chest as I chase after my 18-month old. My body is sore and tired. My mind is not always as sharp as it once was. Most of the time I hear the "Hallelujah" chorus ringing in my ears when both children have (FINALLY) drifted to sleep...on their own, without being held...AT THE SAME TIME!

I cherish these moments of silence (although I am learning to cherish every waking moment we do have together as well...see my previous blog). These quiet moments allow for reflection, Bible Study, sleep or enjoying a meal while watching a TV episode. I find it important to recharge by chatting with a friend, writing a quick blog, working on my digital scrapbooks or begin the painful process of planning out my Spring Quarter classes (which isn't quiet recharging but necessary).

Through this process of becoming a mother of "two under two" I have learned to give myself grace. Take time for myself. Ask and accept help. And most of all enjoy the stages of my littles (including the good and bad days and stages.

So, what is the point of all of my rambling....? To remind all those mothers out there that none of us have it all together. Motherhood is hard. It requires so much of us that at times we feel we have little to give to anyone else...yet I also remind you that mothering the next generation is THE most important task we will ever be assigned to next to worshiping our God and honoring our marriage. So, give yourself grace. Learn to see humor in life's challenges and worship God for blessing you with the incredible life you have. For me, 18-months has gone by all too quickly.