*IF YOU WANT TO SKIP THE DETAILS, SCROLL DOWN*
(CAUTION: DOES CONTAIN [not so graphic] ACTUAL POOP IMAGES).
The beginning of January my maternity leave ended. I was thrown into the world of both motherhood and academia. Most people think my *paid* job is easy. From the outside perspective, I can see why. Only two days a week am I physically obligated to go to the office: one day for office hours and another for teaching. The rest of the week I get to work from home. I have a wonderful schedule which affords me ample time with my growing little snugga-monk daughter while still doing what I love (teaching). It also allows me time to sorta keep up with the housework too.
Before I go any further, please let me dispel the myth: I am actually working two (TWO!!) full-time jobs...three if you count being a wife. ;) Although I do get to work from home most days, it is so hard to divide my time and fit my *paid* work in during nap time, distracted playtime (I love our cats!!) or once my Wee-Bit is down for the night. I am not complaining, please don't take it that way, but it is hard.
Added to this dynamic is childcare (you knew it was coming!!). As most new parents know, this transition is more difficult than expected for many reasons. For my family, it has been difficult because of my husband's varied schedule...
- Do we pay someone for a few days a week?
- But what it my husband is home, what then?
- What if the college is closed? Do we still want childcare?
- How will we find this person?
- Will we be able to trust them?
- Can I pump and store enough milk to be away that long?
...as you can tell, the questions are endless. So, we decided to piece childcare together for the first month and make something work.
(*THIS IS WHERE THE REAL POOP STORY BEGINS*)
Childcare arrangements changed on this particular "office hour day" which meant, no childcare!!
"Well, I might as well just show her off then," I thought, dressing my daughter in the cutest dress and putting piggy-tails in her hair. Soon, we were traveling the 30-minutes to work. The office staff had been wanting to meet her anyway; and I did not have any appointments on the calendar so of all days, it was a perfect unplanned "Take Your Daughter to Work Day."
As I was driving the interstate, I caught a whiff of a smell stinkier than the "Aroma of Tacoma." As foul as it was, I didn't think much of it. My daughter had been passing bad gas for over a week, so I just figured that was what is was.
Side Note: Just three weeks prior, on New Year's Day, we started feeding Baby solid foods. Her digestive system was still trying to figure out what to do with this new introduction.
I pulled into the staff parking lot, grabbed the stroller out of the trunk, and transported baby (still in car seat) from the car to the stroller. As I walked up to the office, I remember feeling weird about having my personal/family life encounter my professional life. Anyway, I strolled into the office (still smelling the stink), and the office staff leapt up to see the tiny human I brought with me. Oh, they were SO excited to cuddle her!! They immediately wanted to hold her.
BUT something in my mommy superpowers told me to go back to my office and "get settled" before passing baby around.
AM I EVERY GLAD TO HAVE LISTENED TO THAT VOICE!!!
I pushed the stroller down the hall, fumbled to find my office key in the midst of the diaper bag, my lunchbox and teaching materials. Entering my office, I set-up a make-shift changing table on my desk setting out the wipes from the diaper bag and the changing pad we received at a baby shower. I was all set.
As I began to unstrap baby, I realized that there was something vastly different from the way I had placed her in the car seat 40 minutes ago. I laid her down on the changing pad, lifted her dress to begin the diaper change process and... I experienced the "Aroma of Tacoma" x100 and a Mount Saint Helen's eruption all at the same time. WOW! I never knew poop could stink so bad and explode so many places.
Shocked, I grabbed the box of tissues on my desk, the green plastic diaper-disposal bags, and the wet wipes. I think I used about 1/2 the tissue box and most of the wet wipes to clean this giggling little girl. If I was at home, I would have just bathed her!! (I was sad that this was not an option).
The adorable dress, kick-pants, and tights were all soiled...poo up the back, coming over the sides, tucked in her leg folds, and on the tummy. It was so impressive, I wasn't even mad. I did my best to clean her up and put the "evidence" in two black-plastic garbage bags to disguise the smell. Co-workers slowly walked passed my office to see what the commotion was all about. It was embarrassing to say the least. Not to mention the poop smell that wafted down the hall and filled my office. :(
Once the poop was clean, I had to change her outfit. I dug through the diaper bag to find the back-up outfit that I had so carefully picked out about 2 months ago....2 MONTHS AGO. You guessed it...it was too small. The onesie could barely snap...but at least it was cute. The pants kinda of fit around her waist but stopped just a little below her knees...why not wear capris in the middle of winter?! EPIC FAIL!
I think it took at least 20-mintues to get her all cleaned, changed, and the put all the cleaning supplies away. (Well, so much for utilizing my office hours for actual work!!). Once I had her all cleaned up, I took her to the front of the office. I was thankful that one of the office gals took her from me for a little over 20-30 minutes and gave her a tour of the whole office (upstairs and down).
So although it was a huge stinky mess, and occurred at my place of employment, I now consider myself fully initiated into motherhood! If you are a parents, I know that you can totally relate!
THE TAME version of Mt. St. Helen's Eruption
The too small clothes from the diaper bag.
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