I try to control my schedule, food in-take, finances, job status, lifestyle, relationship, household cleaning schedule. (I am sure you can think of a more comprehensive list, but you get the idea.) In some areas and on some days, I feel like I have mastered each one, mounting to a 'perfect' day.
I have a tendency to set-up these controls, fully attached with high expectations, in my mind (usually not communicating them with those around me). I get so determined to see these expectations through (even at a high price--of time, relationship, etc.) but in reality one of those great life lessons I am learning right now is the power and freedom of improvisation.
Unspoken expectations always equals bad news.
unspoken expectations + controlling behavior = bad news
Those around me suffer; and I drive myself crazy with anxiety. What really gets accomplished is regret, stress, and forsaking the 'imperfect' but beautiful moments life gives us when things DON'T go the way we planned them.
I am slowly learning the art of letting go
and embracing the art of improvisation.
I had a moment to practice this yesterday, on Valentine's day.
About a week ago I injured my right knee. BOO! Okay, who really plans for their whole life to be derailed by such a seemingly minor thing, right? (Yet one more thing I cannot control!). I have been hobbling around, wearing an ace bandage while icing and elevating when I can. Talk about a major inconvienance! Also, I am unable to participate in my weekly exercise class which I have come to dearly love even after just a few weeks of attending. How in the WORLD will I meet my weight goal by next weekend if I am unable to exercise?!?! (I'm participating in a 6-week challenge and we are in our last week).
Improvisation....
My daughter just had her 6-month vaccines and flu shot. This has caused a slight temperature, runny nose and overall "ickiness." She is grumpy, crabby, and sleepy. On top of that with the introduction of solid foods last month, her body is still trying to figure out how to process food. Last month we had wicked blow outs. This month.....um, let's get say there is not really any action going on. Of course, this happens on the same days as her shots. Another BOO! She has been up crying in pain and I feel like a horrible mother (not the truth, I know, but I still feel like a horrible mother...if you are a mom, I know you can relate). So, how do I survive this mentally while comforting my hurt baby....?
Improvisation....
Valentines Day!! Since our dating years, the hubs and I have always bypassed the chocolates, flowers, and fancy dinners and opt for snowshoeing instead. This year was no different. We planned to go with two other couples who also have babies. We were SO excited to share our tradition with them and enjoy God's beautiful creation. As you might guess, this did not happen. :( Baby was up almost ALL night in pain (and the elevation would not help her poo-poo problems); and I have been limping around like crazy (needless to say, snowshoeing would not be the best for my healing process). We were all going to meet at our house for our epic V-Day adventure but the morning of we had to make other plans...
Improvisation....
Our friends were SUPER gracious and understanding. One couple decided to create their own adventure by finding a local hike and the other couple came over for an impromptu V-Day breakfast (bacon, eggs, Swedish pancakes, hash-browns and mimosas!!). I was able to throw together a beautifully decorated table while my love went to the store for ingredients. It was a great morning of fellowship and love between friends.
Our friends made us feel so loved and realized the power and freedom and love that can come from improvisation.
In the Bible, Jesus calls us to love one another, to carry each others burdens, to consider others before yourself. On this day, our friends not only displayed God's love toward us but made us feel cared for, heard, recognized, and understood. No one got mad, upset or angry. No one bad mouthed us for having to change plans. No one made a big deal about it....out of love and compassion we all improvised and were able to enjoy 'imperfect' but beautiful moments that life gave us when things DON'T go the way we have planned them. This was the BEST Valentine's gift!
A powerful message and one that I will probably need to keep learning as I move through this earthly life.
So, what have I learned? Here are a some thoughts that are worth pondering:
- Have a plan but be flexible.
- Remember: expectation vs. reality
- The world DOES NOT revolve around me and my unspoken expectations
- Improvisation can lead the imperfect but beautiful life moments
- Learn to consider others above myself, despite my expectations
- Love, grace and good communication are keys to maintaining a great relationship.
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