Every. Single. Little. Thing.
It all seems so complex with our little miracle boy. From a twitch to a cough to not eating enough to eating too much...my mind goes to the worst possible scenario and the worst possible diagnosis.
I am an emotional mess. I shouldn't be, right? This is my third child. But every thing IS different.
Over the past week, our sweet almost 15-month old cut an upper tooth, screaming ALL day last Sunday. Over this week he has had a slight fever, excessive grumpiness and a shoulder-to-ear "twitch-thing" which seemed to progress throughout the day yesterday (I did capture it on video). I was unable to get a same-day appointment so I had to wait until today.
My mind and body whirled as I waited for the time to drop off the "bigs" at Gram-Gram's house so I could have an uninterrupted conversation with the doctor about these concerns. In the meantime, I consulted a few friends and the on-call nurse at the peds office to see what I may have been missing.
Am I overreacting? What can I do better to help my son? Are these symptoms simply nothing? I hoped to find out.
My 1:50pm arrival time came. Just my son and I. We checked in a few minutes early. The normal vitals were taken. So far so good. The "sick-doctor" on-call was one I had never seen before. She knew nothing of our boy's complex arrival (birth) and his even more complex medical history. I showed her the "shoulder-ear twitch" video (as she half watched it while she typed notes) and I talked about my concerns. Her exam was quick, removing some excessive ear wax from his right ear. The exam did not produce any remarkable results only swollen gums...."It's probably just teething. We get at least one case a day related to this. There is nothing to worry about."
I began to cry. (Why am I crying? Because EVERY, Every. Single. Little. Thing. It all seems so complex with our little miracle boy).
Really...nothing to worry about?!? Do you know my son? Do you know that I thought he was close to death on at least 2-3 occasions? Worry? I worry about EVERYTHING with this boy (despite what the Bible says about this). I worry when he sleeps on his face. I worry that he will have to wear leg braces to walk. I worry about the two cavities he has and how I could have done better at keeping his mouth clean regardless of all of those sugary medications he was on for almost a year. I worry about his oxygen levels when his lips turn slightly blue because he is cold. I now worry about this shoulder-ear twitch "thing" that the doctor did not seemed too interested in. Maybe she is right. Maybe it is nothing. Maybe it is just teething. Or maybe it is more than that. Either way, I must put my trust in the Lord and also trust the instincts He has given to me.
For now, I am exhausted, Our littlest is now sleeping and the "bigs" tear up the house. And here I am, typing. I guess I am just not over what happened last year leading up to his birth and the months that followed. It is a process, I guess I just have to keep trusting the Lord for all of the things He spoke to me, His unfailing promises. And time...and patience. I have to trust that time (whether a few hours, or a few days) will reveal if there is truly something wrong or if it is simply "nothing to worry about."
So...just teething and an emotional, exhausted momma....that is the diagnosis.
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