Not a day goes by that I don't think about my body. How it is changing. How I want it to change. Limitations from the things I used to do. And the comparisons to what the world thinks I should look like or what I should be able to do.
The wrinkles on my face deepen. The wire-like gray in my hair appears more and more each day causing me to either pluck it (eeekkk! I know!!) or use a lot of hair gel to calm it. My stretched out stomach skin and marks gives history of birthing three precious children. I am sure the traumatic end to my last pregnancy and spending 28 days in the NICU with my youngest didn't help. Now having a household full of three children under 2-years and three-quarters old doesn't help either. YIKES!
With my last pregnancy, at 33 weeks pregnant, my stomach was beyond stretched out...literally as tight like a water balloon about ready to burst. It was so large it was shiny and hurt at a single touch. Five weeks postpartum, and having just turned 35, my mind is shifting on how I (should) view my self image
In a world that is focused around self image, I realize that instead of fighting my body I need to embrace it!
My body has allowed me to do some pretty incredible things in this life! As a child I was able to dance ballet, run outside freely, climb on the jungle gym during recess, ride a bike among other things. As the years passed, my body has enabled me to travel to some incredible places and experience some amazing things like riding a camel in the Sahara desert, walking up all of the stairs of the Eiffel Tower, and carry a backpack to some pretty remote places through Europe. It has allowed me to teach at a community college and has allowed me to help shape the mind of university students. Now it allows me to chase after and care for three of God's most precious possession.
In the past three years, my body has enabled me to carry three children. Every stretch mark & varicose vein tells a story of great love and sacrifice for each child. The gray hair that seems to grow more rapidly these days is a sign that I am still alive and able to enjoy the children that God has blessed me with (and hopefully a sign of aging with wisdom)… Even on the days, when I struggle with my body aging and feel so overwhelmed that I feel like pulling out all of my hair including the grays, I am grateful.
It is so easy to dismiss the miracle the body truly is. The way it heals itself, the way it moves, and allows me to critically process through the world around me. I wish I could say that I don't struggle with body image, but I do. In this new year & new season, I want to focus more on who I am and not what I look like… Or think I should look like. That is not to say that exercise and a well balanced diet will be thrown out the window, but rather my life focus will be on enjoying those that God has blessed me with including my family as well as enjoying the body he has given me...each "imperfection" and all.
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