- I never thought I would appreciate nap time more than bedtime.
- I never thought I would be so okay with puke, pee and poo all over me at any given moment in the day.
- I never thought I would enjoy a quick 5-minute, peaceful shower as much as I do now.
- I never thought I would plan my day so structured around a little human's schedule.
- I never thought I would enjoy motherhood as much as I do.
My life has changed forever.
It was a long 4-year process to decide if I wanted to be a mother. Even after the decision was made I was unsure if this was the calling that God had for me. I wrestled with my selfishness, my own dreams and desires, and more than that with the fear that I might be a horrible mother.
I always thought I would choose a career over a family, sacrificing to travel and explore the world rather than sacrificing to buy diapers and baby clothes.
OH- how my world has changed.
After 9-months and over 50 hours of labor, my little human came into this world, giving me more joy and happiness than I had ever known possible. From the moment she stopped crying when I called her name in the operating room to our daily tradition of morning cuddles, I am amazed at how my heart keeps growing from loving her so much. I am surprised that my heart doesn't explored from loving her so much!
Today, at almost 6-months, she is doing new things everyday. Her newest thing...trying to crawl forwards! It simply amazes me how much she changes on a daily basis. But even though I just love her to pieces, motherhood is hard!!
Last Sunday (after my husband worked a 24-hour shift), I was simply exhausted. Despite using toothpicks to hold my eyes open, I made the decision to pack up my little and go to church. The main reason? To have a few moments of rest, peace, and no baby. (Can I get an "AMEN" for the church nursery!?!?!)
As I sat in the pew listening to the pastor, I was reminded of how great God's love is for us The way I love and cry over my baby is just a sliver of how our Heavenly Father does the same over us. I was reminded that the strength I need to parent well needs to come from the Lord, not my own strength....just as Jesus relied on His Heavenly Father when He accepted His life's calling.
Life is not easy....parenthood is not easy....Yet I am so fulfilled because, after 4-years, I finally surrendered to the Lord! He knows me better than I know myself! He has given my husband and I the greatest gifts imaginable in this life: a wonderful, supporting, nurturing marriage and a daughter who is teaching us so much about the character of our Creator!
So even in the hard days, filled with poo and puke, I praise the Lord. He had granted me the most honorable position and job title I could have ever accepted: Mother. Such a simple word but it implies so much. I thank the Lord for allowing me this great privilege of shepherding this sweet little girl and teaching her how great her Heavenly Father cares for her.
To HIM be all the glory, honor and power forever and ever. ~Amen`
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