Father of Lies...

"You are wasting your time."

I spend most days sleep deprived, covered in spit up and singing crazy Raffi songs.

"These things don't 'really' matter."

I scoot around on the floor (more often than not in my jammies and with unbrushed hair), eat lunch over baby as I'm feeding her and pretty much sing my way through fussy tears and baby's tiredness with made up songs. (It seems singing our way through life makes the world a little easier to handle and diaper changes more bearable.)

"Don't you realize you are looking like a fool?!"

Piles of laundry and overflowing garbage often haunt me as does dust on the bookshelf and dust bunnies under the couch. (When have these things EVER been in my house before?!??)

"Keeping a clean house is the 'real' priority."

Unread magazines, unwatched movies, unpaid bill (not late bills!!), and the coupons I promised myself I would clip all sit on my coffee table beckoning for my attention.

"To be super mom, you really need to find time to do everything, including staying up on the latest gossip & TV shows and save every penny by clipping coupons."

Oh, yeah. I work full-time too! God has given me a perfect job, balanced with online and in-person hours. Even though I work mostly online from home, I still work full-time (despite what some people believe) while watching baby. Not an easy task when grading, lesson planning or advising. Oh- and the phone calls to students--I have resorted to shoving the pacifier in baby's mouth. (I hope I'm not doing permanent damage here!?) Really, it is working two full-time jobs at the same time while managing a household.

"Career should come first over raising a family, especially if you want to get anywhere in this life."

Some days after I put baby down for a nap or steal a mom-free moment while the cats entertain her (I love me some kitty entertainment!) and think, "Am I wasting my time? What in the world am I doing? Are any of these things in my chaotic life worth it?"

"Doing what you want over sacrificing for others is the only way to be truly happy."

LIES!!! LIES!!! LIES!!!

Everything I am doing IS worth it!! Why? Because it is a gift! EVERY BIT OF IT!! To working full-time as a mommy and wife to working full-time as an instructor to cleaning up after my husband, little human and kitties...it is all worth it!!

God reminded me of this verse in the Book of John 10:10,  "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." 

And, boy, is my life full! You see, God is the giver of our hearts' desire (Psalm 37:4) not the world. To some my priorities may seem backwards as I prefer relationships over earthly success. Time with my husband and child over a clean house and neatly folded laundry. However, scripture says friendship with the world makes me an enemy of God (James 4:4). God has rescued me from far too much for me to turn my back on Him and seek selfish pleasures and earthly pursuits! He is the only reason for my joy! When I trust Him and walk with Him daily, no matter what crosses my path during a day, I see it ALL as worth it. Not necessarily easy, but worth it. God's heart is directed towards investing in people not things or activities.

Daily I GET to make the choice: Will I give into the "Father of Lies?" or Will I choose Life (Deut. 30:19)?

Some days this battle is more difficult than others. The italic quotes above win and I believe my life is meaningless, but more often than not though the Holy Spirit, scripture, friends, and my sweet daughter's face, my Heavenly Father reveals Himself. He proves Himself faithful over and over again. So, at least for today, I choose LIFE. I choose to believe what I am doing is NOT worthless, but the biggest blessing and gift....I hope and pray I feel this same way tomorrow, the day after and for the rest this lifetime.

Blessings.
~B~

Dreary, exuberant or otherwise...

As I lay my head down on my purple covered pillow, I pray a desperate prayer for wisdom and sleep. Then I very slowly drift off to Never Never Land.

In between my husband's snoring & baby's crying every 2ish hours, I plea to the Maker for more than 30-minute stretches of uninterrupted sleep.

HE gently reminds me of my calling: to motherhood. 

He reminds me that He gives wisdom generously and without finding fault.

He reminds me I have more than enough in Him and an abundance of blessings.

He reminds me that He is bigger than sleep and more powerful than dreary eyes (and the highly caffeinated beverage I have been dreaming I will consume when the world is no longer dark!).

He reminds me that there is purpose in everything He allows and it is my job to trust His judgement over mine.

So although it is 5:30a and I have been up at 10p, 12a, 2a, 4:40a and still up...I know that I am dearly loved, respected, called and chosen by the One who created everything! What a powerful reminder!

So, when my husband's alarm goes off in less than 30-minutes, I will know that I am in God's will & He alone will give me the strength I need to endure another day...a day...a blessing that He alone ordains. 

Blessings & peace upon on who read this. Whether dreary, exuberant or otherwise, I pray that you will find yourself in God's will.

Good(Morning).

The best part of waking up...

...waking up in a warm bed.

...knowing God hears my morning prayers.

...looking over to see my handsome sleeping husband.

...snuggling my little human.

I have more than enough in this life. Thank you Jesus!

I will treasure these moments forever.

Motherhood...a forever changed life.

• I never thought I would appreciate nap time more than bedtime.
• I never thought I would be so okay with puke, pee and poo all over me at any given moment in the day.
• I never thought I would enjoy a quick 5-minute, peaceful shower as much as I do now.
• I never thought I would plan my day so structured around a little human's schedule.
• I never thought I would enjoy motherhood as much as I do.

My life has changed forever.

It was a long 4-year process to decide if I wanted to be a mother. Even after the decision was made I was unsure if this was the calling that God had for me. I wrestled with my selfishness, my own dreams and desires, and more than that with the fear that I might be a horrible mother.

I always thought I would choose a career over a family, sacrificing to travel and explore the world rather than sacrificing to buy diapers and baby clothes.

OH- how my world has changed.

After 9-months and over 50 hours of labor, my little human came into this world, giving me more joy and happiness than I had ever known possible. From the moment she stopped crying when I called her name in the operating room to our daily tradition of morning cuddles, I am amazed at how my heart keeps growing from loving her so much. I am surprised that my heart doesn't explored from loving her so much!

Today, at almost 6-months, she is doing new things everyday. Her newest thing...trying to crawl forwards! It simply amazes me how much she changes on a daily basis. But even though I just love her to pieces, motherhood is hard!!

Last Sunday (after my husband worked a 24-hour shift), I was simply exhausted. Despite using toothpicks to hold my eyes open, I made the decision to pack up my little and go to church. The main reason? To have a few moments of rest, peace, and no baby. (Can I get an "AMEN" for the church nursery!?!?!)

As I sat in the pew listening to the pastor, I was reminded of how great God's love is for us The way I love and cry over my baby is just a sliver of how our Heavenly Father does the same over us. I was reminded that the strength I need to parent well needs to come from the Lord, not my own strength....just as Jesus relied on His Heavenly Father when He accepted His life's calling.

Life is not easy....parenthood is not easy....Yet I am so fulfilled because, after 4-years, I finally surrendered to the Lord! He knows me better than I know myself! He has given my husband and I the greatest gifts imaginable in this life: a wonderful, supporting, nurturing marriage and a daughter who is teaching us so much about the character of our Creator!

So even in the hard days, filled with poo and puke, I praise the Lord. He had granted me the most honorable position and job title I could have ever accepted: Mother. Such a simple word but it implies so much. I thank the Lord for allowing me this great privilege of shepherding this sweet little girl and teaching her how great her Heavenly Father cares for her.

To HIM be all the glory, honor and power forever and ever. ~Amen`

Leaving my daughter...

Today is a big day for me....I will leave my daughter after 5 months and stand in front of a classroom...back to work I go! I never thought it would be hard to go back to work after having a baby, but that was proved wrong last week when it sank in that winter quarter was starting and I was needed back into the classroom.

But, the Lord is faithful!

He has called me to be both a mother and an instructor. I am blessed by the things God calls me to. No doubt it will be hard to balance being a wife, mother, and full-time lecturer but I am prepared, with the the Lord's equipping, to trust and obey as HE leads my life.

I am thankful for a supportive husband, friends, and church family who have encouraged me leading up to this major transition. To you all, thank you!

Well...here goes nothin'!

~B~

Emmanuel: God with Us

My LIFE with Jesus, I pray is a reflection of the amazing work that He is constantly doing in me. I am no good on my own. He makes me worthy of everything I do!

I pray Jesus that my life will continually reflect your goodness and faithfulness to me. I pray my outlook will be outward and in serving others, not caught up in the busy tasks of my to-do list, but rather of SERVING those around me. Help me see things, people, situations through your eyes. I am grateful how much You have transformed me. I ask Jesus that you remind me of Your faithfulness day after day. I pray that my heart will desire to spend time with you....to dive deep into the mysteries in which you have set out for me to discover.

I thank you Lord for always being with me. You are my Emmanuel. Thank you that I can find rest, peace, and security in You!

You are the only one who deserves my worship. May my life (in all areas) focus on knowing You, being BOLD to proclaim Your truth to others, and be a life worthy of the call you have given me.

I praise you Lord.

~Amen~

Life with Jesus: ONE TRUE GOD

A life with Jesus is not always perfect, easy, or quick to adapt to. It is, however, eventful! My life with Jesus has evolved so much since I first really began to walk with Him in middle school. I reflect back on all of my "hardships" as a 13-year old and compare God's faithfulness to my hardships now as an adult.

God's character is still the same.

Yesterday and tonight I was asked to give my testimony on the boundaries that God has placed on my life. Many topics came to my mind including both emotional and physical boundaries God has given me. It is so encouraging to discover that other ladies ALSO have boundaries that God has given them too, despite being different than mine.

Tonight, I feel victorious in the Lord. I stood in front on how many women and confessed my stubbornness  pride, frustration and all the like about on boundary...now I feel free! God calls us to confess our sins and also to carry the burdens of others. In fellowship, conversation, and pray this is accomplished.

I am SO grateful that God has given me ladies who I can trust, exposing these boundaries to. I am so grateful for the LOVE God Himself gives me as I trust in HIM to provide for my every need and bring me protection along with comfort.

So, I end this blog tonight feeling encouraged, blessed, excited, and wanting more than ever to keep sharing my story so that people can see the ONE TRUE GOD through it.

May God receive all of the glory.
~AMEN~