In a world of struggle, God calls us to do everything
without arguing or complaining. This is a very familiar passage to me that
comes from the Book of Philippians. Yet it is convicting in this season of
life. It is a thought I have pondered many times but during this Sabbath
Summer, God is bringing it back to my attention.
I am struggling to know the difference between complaining
verses sharing the struggle of being a mom of three toddlers among my role as a
wife, teacher, volunteer and leader. The brass tacks: life is a struggle YET
where is my focus?
Am I living a life of freedom and victory which comes from
Christ or living a life of struggle and strife? When I think of my life, what
do I think about first? When asked, what do I offer up first? The victory and triumphs
of Jesus or the hardships, challenges and struggles?
It comes down to perspective.
Growing out of a season of worry and fear of my son’s
medical conditions and all that this past year has brought to us, I felt that I
“had” to focus on the worst case, the “what-ifs”,” the struggles and the overwhelming
reality of the situation our family faced. Perhaps it was a coping mechanism or
something to shield the pain (you know, just in case something really bad
happened). It became a habit.
I may have mistaken “going deep” in relationship to mean sharing
my hardships and difficulties. That my vulnerability and transparency were the
means to arrive at these deeper rooted connections. I am afraid that my attempt
to “go deep” was overshadowed by my “negative Nancy” mindset. I am afraid that it
has turned people away, given them the wrong impression about me, my life and
the work God is doing in my life. I mean, come on, who really wants to be
around someone who overdramatizes their struggles and only talks about their
hardships. Yet to see God working is to know about the struggles and how He
provided in, through and despite the struggles. So I come back to my question:
what is the difference between complaining verse sharing the realities of my
days? My intent is certainly not to focus on my difficulties or be inward
focused. My intent is transparency as a means to cultivate deep, meaningful,
everlasting relationships in which honesty is the foundation. My intent is not
to give the culturally acceptable, “I’m fine” when asked how I am but rather divulge
that I am not fine, that life is hard and God is teaching me and forming me in
the midst of these struggles. He is a God, not me, who brings chaos back into
order. My response, surrender and submission. My response, prayerfulness. My
response, attentive ears to the convicting Holy Spirit when I travel down the
path of complaining.
My heart aches for the damage of friendships I have caused
in this attempt to build deep relationships. Have I pushed people away by being
too honest? By focusing on the hard instead of the good? Regardless of what I
think the damage is/was, God is giving me a re-do. His Word says that His
mercies are renewed everyday so I trust that. I ask your forgiveness and the
forgiveness of the Lord. I move into a new day aware of this struggle,
submitting and surrendering to God—living a life of victory instead of living a
life of struggle and defeat. Who wants to join me?
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