Growing a family: What does it matter

It is still hard to believe that I am a mother to three children. Even typing out those words it seems foreign.

I often wonder what makes me qualified for this role. What did God see in me to grant me such responsibility?

To be honest, most days are a blur. Only through His strength am I able to endure the daily demands of a 3 year old, 22-month old and 6-month old. Wild.

Removing myself, it seems overwhelming. How can anyone handle such chaos and still exude love, patience and kindness? How can one manage life: housework, cooking, cleaning, bill-paying, friendships, work, and sleep-deprivation to top it off.

Jesus.

By no means am I saying I have it all together. I am blessed if I am able to remain "cool" throughout the day and react in love rather than frustration or annoyance. 

Some days I feel like I just go through the motions, not fully engaging with those around me or cherishing the moments of snuggles or hugs. This saddens me.

My friend's mother passed away earlier this month from cancer. I have know her since I was in 8th grade...practically a lifetime. What are the things she treasured the most? A clean house or basking in the warmth of a happy family? If she could answer, I am most certain she would say family.

In the light of eternity, what on earth really matters? This is a challenging and convicting thought. How would you answer it?

I'm sure like many of you, I get caught up in my to-dos, my social media, making things perfect or clean, well organized. But what does it matter? Do I spend time sharing Jesus? Breathing in each moment of my chaotic and sometimes overwhelmed life? What can I remove (mentally or physically) to make my life less overwhelmed and focused on the things that truly matter?

The practice of being present, no matter what my "present" looks like, clean , dirty, happy or fitful...it is my present. The one God has granted to me. In the chaos-- in the unknown--in the overwhelming--- GOD.

God. He is the only one who qualifies me for this role of motherhood. And I am blessed.