Postpartum Nesting: Art of Simplification

With my first child, nesting started months and months before her arrival. I cleaned and re-cleaned almost every surface of our home. I folded and re-folded most of her clothes...sorting them by size AND type, of course. I thought hours and days and weeks on her nursery design, rearranging the furniture over and over again. My husband's "honey-do" list was quiet extensive too, but he was more than happy to play the paternal role and make our home more "cozy" for baby...like she would notice and complain if the reusable shopping bags by the back door were not in order.

Things were vastly different with my second. By nature, I LOVE organizing. So I did spend a fair amount of time organizing and folding clothes and deciding on the nautical themed nursery but that is about as far as it went. I was busy chasing a toddler and too pregnant to spend more time cleaning and re-cleaning our home. My husband, however, kicked in high gear and started deep cleaning the basement (aka the man cave). He even voluntarily deconstructed his rock wall and built an indoor playhouse for our children...WOW! He was concerned about the nursery design, chiming in on how the decor was arranged. He just could not WAIT to meet his son!

Fast-forward to the present, 9-weeks postpartum, and the nesting is kicking in! Over the past month, I have had a new motivation like none before to simplify. Days that are overtaken by baby, I see the effects on our house too....baby stuff everywhere! Where are we going to put all the stuff needed for TWO babies!?!? Also, with full days and full hands, I ran out of time to search for needed items in the kitchen, in the garage, in the hall closest. I got tired of reach for something on the top shelf and having half the shelf contents fall on my head or near the child who was clinging to my legs.

It was time...SIMPLIFICATION! The art of becoming a minimalist.

I began to look around at my beloved possessions, soon realizing that I live in a place of abundance...OVER abundance (if there is such a thing). Wow! I look around at my home to realize that I have much to give (and much I do not even use!).  My sister sent me a few blogs about minimal living and some of the concepts really struck me:

• getting rid of one item a day for a whole year
• narrowing your wardrobe to 44 items
• turning hangers backwards for a set amount of time to see what you really wear
• reducing the amount of toys & books your kids have access to 
• pairing down office supplies to only what you use
• stop buying in bulk to have items sit in your storage for a year before it is used

In a effort to declutter (and fulfill my postpartum nesting) and live more simply...I have started to purge!

My husband and I started from the basement and moved up. The basement was a difficult space for me to start since it is mostly the "man cave" but I forced myself to see items in a new way (not just permanent, unused fixtures in our home). To my surprise, we loaded out at least three bins of donations items along with a few garage bins. Wow! It was feeling good! Over the next week or so, we moved our way up to the kitchen, living room, hallway and office. I felt like the first purge was a success, toting out at least 6-8 bags/bins for donation. And I am sure we could find more items to donate on our second round.

Most recently, I tacked my closet! YIKES! This was difficult for two reasons 1) I have memories attached to many of my clothes and 2) HELLO! Postpartum! Many of my clothes are still too small because I have yet to lose baby weight (which I WILL DO! It took my 7-months with my first so I still have 5-months to go). Regardless, I was ruthless! I ended up filling three bags for donation and one box of "I like you but I'm not sure I want to keep you" box to place in the attic for later review. I also turned all of my hangers around to see what I will actually wear in the month of March.

My closet is far from 44 items, but it feels so good to declutter! And to be honest, I can't remember half of what I got rid of!


So here are a few things I am learning from my postpartum nesting/simplification:

1. I really want to enjoy what I have. How can I enjoy what I can't see or use? 
2. Keep only things that a) are useful/used often and b) bring me joy/happiness...everything else is just clutter.
3. I want to teach my kids to enjoy what they have...not wanting more or "needing" more. I want them to be creative, imaginative using what they have...to teach them gratitude. 
4. Having more "stuff" does not make me happier...it is just more stuff to maintain and find a place for...everything should have a purpose.

I am not even close to where I want to be, but I love seeing my bookshelves, closets and cupboards thinned out. I love being able to find what I need when I need it without things falling on my head. I love seeing my daughter use her toys in new and creative ways. And I love being able to bless others by sharing our abundance. So, I ask you...are you living in abundance? In what areas of your life are you willing to simplify? Maybe it is not your house...maybe it is your schedule or your office at work. But whatever it is, take the bold step towards simple living. I still have a long ways to go, but I already feel freer! 

Playing the Victim

Good Morning World! It is Monday morning at 8:30am. I have had little sleep over the last week and have been struggling to take care of two sick littles and a husband who had his appendix removed 1-week ago.

Last Sunday, to our surprise, we were rushing to the ER at 6:30am. Our neighbor graciously came over to watch our two children as we were preparing our minds for potential surgery for my husband. After about an hour in the ER, we finally made it back to a room (with no official diagnosis yet). Here is were my struggle begins....

For the first time since I have had children, I had to choose between my husband and my children. It had already been an hour and I knew our 6-week old would need to nurse again soon and our 18-month old daughter would need breakfast. With a sad heart, I left the hospital room and rushed home to my babies. Shortly after I arrived at home, a good friend texted me and offered to take our oldest to church so that I could make my way back to the hospital before my husbands 10am surgery.

The day came and went and we survived the day. He made it out of surgery okay. A friend brought me lunch (THANK YOU!!) and baby boy slept on my chest almost the whole day in the baby carrier as I waited in the hospital for my husband. To my surprise, they let him out the same day...at 3pm! At least we could watch the Super Bowl. :)

The next day, Monday, was a huge challenge for me as I faced the real temptation to play the victim and over dramatize my life. You see, I had to take both sick kids to my daughter's 18-month old doctors appointment. Putting on my Wonder Woman panties, I fed both kids, prepared the diaper bag, loaded the car and made it to the appointment in one piece...with only a few tears and struggles along the way. After the appointment, I took two screaming kids through the pharmacy drive-thru to get pain meds/prescriptions for the husband...they would not be ready for 20-minutes! Seriously?!!?! Rushing home, I put the 18-month old down for a nap, loaded my 6-week old back into the car to pick to the drugs.

I feel like I have not been able to stop since then.

Last night I spent a "romantic" valentines day running to tend to the needs of my two very sick children, including the several screaming fits of my 18-month old because she was in so much pain (fever & virus on top of teething! What a combo!). And caring for my husband who worked two ER shifts, overdid it and is now back on the couch unable to help (although he really does want to help out!) But I am grateful for the 3-hours of sleep I got last night...lol.

In those sleepless nights and days this week, I have realized that it is easy to play the victim. Thinking I am the ONLY one in the history of humans to "suffer" this type of life. Between the laundry, dishes, making meals, nursing my son who apparently wants to nurse EVERY HOUR among trying to squeeze in Bible Study, grocery shopping, class prep (going back to work soon) and bill paying...all while my sick daughter SCREAMS at the top of her lungs in pain and my husband lays helpless on the couch (unable to do anything but tell me I am doing a good job)....I am overwhelming and exhausted to say the least!

But in all of this struggle, strife and temptation to play the victim, the Holy Spirit has been teaching me much about trials...

• James 1:2-4: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that this testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

• 2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about  my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 

• Psalm 28:7: The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.

It is in seasons like these that I am thankful for my faith. Thankful for the Holy Spirit whispering encouragement in my ear. Thankful for friends who have blessed us with meals (and doughnuts!). Thankful that God is the one who gives me strength.

So, I ask you....do you face the temptation to play the victim? To overdramatize your current situation? If so, trust the Lord. Trust His perfect timing for everything that is happening in your life. Trust that He is refining you. Trust that He works all things together for good. Trust the process...allowing your heart to be overwhelmed with His goodness rather than overwhelmed by the trials you face. Remember... "consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds...."

Giving Myself Grace

WAY back when (18-months ago), I was faced with a life-altering event. An event that would push, pull and stretch me in ways I never imagined. An event that would cause me to sacrifice in areas I never knew were so valuable. An event that influences me still to this day....and everyday.

The event, you might be wondering.....? Motherhood!

I felt like I made the adjustment fairly well. After 51 hours of labor, ending in a c-section, lack of milk production which led to formula supplementation for a few weeks, and a recovery that prevented me from directly caring for my child except for nursing, I celebrated the one-month milestone of keeping my daughter alive...all of which would have been VERY challenging without my husband being home during that time! :)

The months to follow did include sleeplessness and a completely altered schedule, but with the help of my amazing husband, life was good...not always easy but certainly manageable. My daughter was a solid napper, allowing me time to rest, shower, have a warm meal. I hardly ever had to drink cold coffee and (despite her spitting up all of the time and cloth diapers) I was able to keep up with the laundry and most of the housework. Everyday I was able to get outside to walk or run off my baby weight, enjoying the warm sun and time with my tiny human. Managing full-time work and home  responsibility seemed to balance out well.

Life was good! God had blessed us with a wonderful blessing and we were all the better for it!

Speeding ahead 18-months (which is today), we are blessed with another amazing creation of God...our 1-month old son! Not to compare, but he is quiet different than our daughter and sometime difficult to figure out. My labor was nothing short of a miracle of God's faithfulness and provision. The days to follow were so sweet and tender as we celebrated not only his birth but the birth of our Savior as well. My love for him keeps growing and growing as we get to know each other and as we celebrate each tiny milestone like lifting his head, tracking with his eyes, and cooing & talking more. It is simply amazing to see how God created human life including human development. I am in awe of HIM who created life and HIM who blessed us with our son.

Despite enjoying these wonderful moment and celebrating this tiny but profound milestones, the transition from one little human to two little humans has proven to be more of a challenge than I thought.

I am learning again how to sacrifice (even more) the things I once held as valuable. My house is not always clean (which is a BIG deal for me if you know how important cleanliness is to me!). Laundry baskets of unclean and unfolded clothes linger in the hallway and living room (something I use to judge others for). My bills don't get paid right when I receive them in the mail (but they are on-time!). Showering is certainly low on the priority list (gross, I know). Oh, hot coffee? What is that? My son desires to be held most of the time resulting in carrying him around the house in the baby carrier on my chest as I chase after my 18-month old. My body is sore and tired. My mind is not always as sharp as it once was. Most of the time I hear the "Hallelujah" chorus ringing in my ears when both children have (FINALLY) drifted to sleep...on their own, without being held...AT THE SAME TIME!

I cherish these moments of silence (although I am learning to cherish every waking moment we do have together as well...see my previous blog). These quiet moments allow for reflection, Bible Study, sleep or enjoying a meal while watching a TV episode. I find it important to recharge by chatting with a friend, writing a quick blog, working on my digital scrapbooks or begin the painful process of planning out my Spring Quarter classes (which isn't quiet recharging but necessary).

Through this process of becoming a mother of "two under two" I have learned to give myself grace. Take time for myself. Ask and accept help. And most of all enjoy the stages of my littles (including the good and bad days and stages.

So, what is the point of all of my rambling....? To remind all those mothers out there that none of us have it all together. Motherhood is hard. It requires so much of us that at times we feel we have little to give to anyone else...yet I also remind you that mothering the next generation is THE most important task we will ever be assigned to next to worshiping our God and honoring our marriage. So, give yourself grace. Learn to see humor in life's challenges and worship God for blessing you with the incredible life you have. For me, 18-months has gone by all too quickly.

When did our children grow up?

I was on a walk today (trying to walk off my baby weight...pushing one child and carrying the other). On my normal route to Starbucks, I pass a school. School had been out for a while but I saw two mothers talking in between their vans with their children running around. I had to pause.

On the rest of the walk home, I spent in reflection...when did my children grow up?

I looked down at the sweet face of my 5-week old infant who was strapped to my chest, sleeping with his face so relaxed resting on my chest...how has a month already gone by? When did he stop wanting to fall asleep on my chest while laying on the couch? Start rolling over? Staying awake longer in the day? Sleeping more at night....oh wait! I remember the day that happened!! :)

Although it has only been a month, he keeps growing...changing...eventaully become less dependant on me (which is a good thing, something I desire, a natural part of the process). It reminded me to cherish every single moment...before I know it, he will be like those boys running around my vehicle as I chat with a fellow mommy-warrior. A part of my heart became sad. Another part was so joyful as I prayed to God for the future of my son.

Then I looked down. Before my eyes over the last year and a half, my sweet daughter has grown into a little girl. Playing more independently, counting to 6, having an opinion about what she wears (especially her shoes!). :) There was once a time when all she wanted to do was snuggle in my lap and read books; a time when she needed more help getting dressed, eating, sitting in a chair...all of the million little things she can now do on her own. Now I am blessed if she can sit still through "Goodnight Moon" or snuggle as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes after a nap. It is amazing to see all that she is learning and how daily she is absorbing the world around her making it her own. I am proud of the little person she is become but mourn some of the cherished times we had together when she was younger.

Being a new "mother of two" has certainly been a challenge. My husband went back to work yesterday after a month off and managing bedtime with a overly tired toddler and a screaming "I need milk-now" infant has certainly proved to be a challenge; yet today I realized again that it is ALL worth it...every moment of it! It makes me want to embrace every moment of snuggling, every look of affection, every meal we have and every time I sit with my children reading stories.

Most days are long and hard but then I remember that God is the one who blessed me with this job...with this two precious children...and with the ability to manage all aspects of my life through HIS strength. He is the one who has reminded me over and over again to embrace each moment... pleasant or otherwise. The days go by too fast and our children grow up when we are not looking...so LOOK! ENJOY! EMBRACE! ...every moment we are given with those God has entrusted us with.

~B~