Convictions from a Lazy Heart

Hello Dear Ones-

It truly has been a long while since I have posted. My confession: my lazy heart.

In September, I committed to join and study the Book of Genesis with a Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) group. I did great.....until week nine came around. Yikes!

The typical things got in the way and the common phrase, "I am really busy" became my excuse. Yes, I was busy, but to my dismay, my busyness lead me to push out God.

So, now that I am on "break" from my job until January, I thought I would catch up on the 4 lessons I have missed, starting at Genesis chapter 10--- the Tower of Babel.

As I began to read the BSF notes on chapters 10 and 11, I felt a sadness in my heart for the people who deliberately chose to forsake God for their own selfish ambitions. They desired to be known and worshiped among their peers. They wanted the power and recognition  They wanted to be in control. They worked long and hard to build this beautiful and tall tower....for their own selfish confidence.

To be honest, I was appalled at their decision to chose selfish gain and selfish confidence over God. And then.......God showed me that I have been very much like these people that I loathed.

God revealed to me my personal expressions of pride, situations where I have called attention to myself (and away from God), and moments where I purposely chose to honor my own heart instead of God's heart.

How can we humans fall into the same repetitive traps (and so quickly?!?!)? How do our hearts become so lazy yet pride full?

The BSF lesson notes asked some very pointed questions:

• How have you taken satisfaction in other people's support more than in God's closeness?
• What are you doing right now that might really be for your own advancement and not for God?
• Where have you deliberately chosen NOT to exalt God's name or His Word?

These are all good questions to ask no matter where you are in your relationship with God. I know that my lazy heart has caused WAY more harm then good! Are you aware of the areas in your life that you tend to put off because of laziness, pride, selfishness, etc.?

God calls us to present ourselves to Him FULLY! I am more convicted of this then ever especially as we enter this special season of Christmas when God purposely sent His Son to live on this earth among the lazy-hearted.

The best gift that you can give this Christmas is a clean, pure heart with obedience, trust and faith. Jesus is waiting to receive this from each of us......

~B~

A Gift: Food Allergies

Paul, a well-known apostle of Jesus, once talked about the “thorn in his flesh,” the one thing that kept him reliant on the Lord. Although he never reveals to his readers what this metaphorical thorn was, we can certainly learn from his struggle and surrender.

Asking the Lord three times to remove this particular “thorn,” God never did. I wonder why.

I have many struggles that are hard, if not impossible to overcome. Some are emotional while others are physical…my food allergies!

In the recent weeks, I think I have developed an intolerance to dairy. The last two nights, you could find me either curled up on the floor or on my bed gasping from intense stomach cramps. The first night I think I got only 2 hours of sleep because of the pain.

At first, I felt self-pity….”Why me!?!?” “Really? One more thing to add to my list of 10 food allergies?!?!” “Why now, Lord?!”

This is the conversation occurred in my head as my husband rushed out to find some type of medical relief….I am now VERY thankful for the creators of Lactaid! J

Yet last night, day two of the stomach cramps, as a laid frustrated and restless in bed, the Lord revealed to me Paul’s story mentioned above. Just like Paul, God has “gifted” me with my food allergies (and now dairy intolerance) as a means to press more into Him and to draw me closer to Himself. Could it be that the Lord is saving me from something that I cannot see? Is he protecting me from something that could/would happen if I did not have these “presents?”

I believe that God works all things together for good…even food allergies and dairy intolerances! Whether these things came on simply because we live in a fallen world or because my body chemistry has changed, the reason does not matter. God uses all creation to testify about His glory.

It is easy to see allergies, lost jobs, sick kids, or any other obstacle as a pure burden. I have only found grief, frustration, and anger when I look at things like these as burdens. Instead, I am trying to see them as gifts, as presents, as God protecting me from something bigger…from something I cannot see.

What has God brought into your life that on the surface looks like a burden, but is actually a blessing?

Opportunity or Inconvenience?

God calls us to be a light to the seeing world, to represent Him everywhere we go. This often takes place during our normal work hours, a planned trip to the grocery store, or during a prayer meeting at church…in those regularly scheduled functions of our daily lives where we are readily seeking opportunities to share. Yet, how is our reaction when God brings about an opportunity to share with someone about His saving grace but it is at an inconvenient time?

For me, this happened twice in one day. And, boy, was I convicted about my reaction at the end of the day!

You see, I teach online classes during the summer; and more often than not you can find me at home, still in my pajamas at 2 in the afternoon. I sit on my cozy leather couch as I grade papers and answer emails.

On this particular day, someone knocked on my door around 9am. By this time, I have barely rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, had sipped my homemade latte, or fixed my “beautiful” morning out-of-bed pony tail. A little frustrated, I stood up, put my computer aside, and went to the door. “Who is it?” I asked…three times! No answer. I peeked out the side window and saw a young girl who looked like she was upset. I opened the door to find a woman standing in front of her…wanting to “evangelize” me. First I was frustrated because I was interrupted (and barely awake). Secondly because there was no reply when I asked who was at the door. Thirdly, I was upset to solicited by another religious group who ignored my nicely painted and prominent “No Soliciting” sign. Needless to say, I was not the sweetest person when a track was being forced into my hand. Cutting off the woman, I think I ended up harshly saying something like, “Please, just don’t bother me with your religious stuff! I have my faith. I love Jesus. Now, take me off your list or whatever. Have a nice day.” I shut the door, pick up my computer and continued to work. 

Failed opportunity #1!

Later in the day, maybe around 3:30pm, a young man from the Honeywell Home Security company comes walking up to my door. By this time, I had showered, gotten dress, and had a meal in my belly. I was not as frustrated as I was earlier in the day. In the middle of preparing dinner, I put down my kitchen utensil and opened the front door. He was a pleasant man, trying to diligently earn his pay by selling home security systems. After asking if I was interested, I kindly said no and pointed out that there was a “No Soliciting” sign posted on the front steps. Taking a step back, he located the sign. I could tell almost immediately that he felt bad for knocking on the door. After a quick exchange, he asked if I knew anyone else in the neighborhood who might be interested. I said no and gently closed the door, walking back into the kitchen. 

Failed opportunity #2!

In both of these stories (that just so happened on the same day!), I saw an inconvenience, not an opportunity. Towards the end of my day, I was wrestling with my reactions. In the first story, I had the amazing opportunity to share about how God moves in my life and answers my prayers daily. In the second story, I had the opportunity to share that God alone is my security, not necessarily a home alarm system (although there is nothing bad to have one or not to have one).

I was simply so caught up in MY life and MY order of business and MY priorities, that I quickly saw these God given opportunities as mere inconveniences and annoyances. I hope in the future I will react differently. I pray that my heart will be more in tune with God then with my schedule of events/planned activities.

Where in your life have you chosen to see God’s opportunities as inconveniences? In these moments, I have to realize that this world is not my home. My citizenship is in Heaven! I hope my heart and attitude in EVERY situation reflect this as well as God’s grace and love. 

On Grieving: Oh Glorious Day

One month ago yesterday, I lost a dear friend in a motorcycle accident. He was 31-years old; survived by his beautiful bride of 9 years and two adorable children, 9 and 7.

This month has been a month of processing, reflecting, grieving, and accepting what happened on July 4, 2012 around 4pm.

Like the ocean waves, my grief comes in waves. One moment I am doing okay; and the next, my heart breaks for the lost (and how it is affecting his family and my friends.)

Yesterday, a group from church held a garage sale to raise money for the family. I was overwhelmed by the generosity of the patrons, yet sad as I told them what we were raising money for. Some people knew about the purpose behind the sale and others were deeply saddened when they heard.

In a way, it was good to share what had happened…almost healing. Yet in another way, it made it real all over again. I know that grief has no timeframe and no real end point; but I pray that it will get easier with time for me and everyone affected (especially his family!).

Today in church we were singing “Oh Glorious Day.” Here are the lyrics that touched me:

Oh, Glorious Day

Oh, Glorious Day

One day the trumpet will

Sound for His coming

One day the skies with His

Glories will shine

Wonderful day

My beloved was bringing

Glorious Savior this Jesus is mine

Never more in my life have I desired Jesus to part the clouds and come down to earth. With recent events, my eyes have been opened to the hurt and sorrow in this world. How I would LOVE to see the Jesus that my friend is now enjoying in Heaven. How I would love to have Jesus as our focus. I guess that is the real hope of my faith, the promise of spending eternity with Jesus. This has also been the one hope that is getting me through this whole situation.

I am thankful to have a Jesus who hears me, comforts me, and never leaves me.

If you pray, please pray for all of us who are still grieving from this terrible lost. I know that His ways are not our ways; and His time not our time. 

“Lord, help us embrace this and turn to you daily as our hope!” ~Amen~

My Never Satisfied Thirst

Summer is finally here! As I spend more time in the sun, I also find myself thirsty. I walk into the kitchen, open the refrigerator and search for something cold to drink.... juice, lemonade, soda. Anything will do--as long as it is cold!

When I drive home from work, I have also been know to pull over at the closest gas station and pay a ridiculous amount of money for a bottle of fancy, super-purified water.

Regardless how thirsty I seem and how much I try to quench that thirst, the thirst always comes back. Always!

Reflecting on this, I began to draw a "spiritual" connection between my never satisfied thirst and my relationship with Jesus. 

Have I been substituting artificial, sugar-filled, tart drinks for the only true and pure "Water Source?"

Jesus says in John 4:13, 14 "Everyone who drinks of this water [the water at the well] will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life."

WOW! That sounds so much better than my sugary soft-drink or over priced gas station water! Jesus is promising a life forever with Him! He is promising that our deepest desires, those things we thirst and hunger for in this world, will be met by Him (and ONLY Him!). He promises us a life spent in relationship with Him, a sweetness that is sweeter than any sugary-drink or drink substitution. 

Jesus desires to life fully with and in each of us! He has created us to rely on Him.

So, what I have been relying on in my life to fill this space, hole or desire in my life? In the past, it has been relationships, shopping, gossip, a busy schedule, organizing, and cleaning. But what happens when relationships fail? New clothes get torn? People are hurt by my harsh words of gossip?  My schedule is empty? The things I just organized and cleaned get unorganized and dirt?

My reaction varied from depression, anger, and pride. I would just keep trying harder to maintain, do more, say more. Until......I found Jesus! Jesus takes away this desire to strive for earthly satisfaction and "doing more" to relying solely on Him. There is no substitution in the word that can replace what God has given me. 

What God has given me is an eternal, living water! Have you received this "Living Water?" Have you tried desperately to fill an empty hole in your own life by gossip, people pleasing, or maybe something else? God desires to your living water! He desires to be the one who fills every longing that you have. It comes through a relationship with Him! This does not mean your life will be perfect, or that you will never long for anything again. It does mean that God wants to partner with you in your life and  help you find the true value in Him.

Dear Lord-

Please forgive me for trying to find satisfaction in the wrong places. Please forgive me for those I have hurt while doing so. I thank you for giving me a living water (YOU!) so that I will never thirst again. May I continue to rely on you more and more each day instead of myself.

~Amen~

Representing Christ

Did you know that you may be the only Bible that people see or read?

I am convicted of this very question as I respond to a variety of student emails.

How do I come across to these students? Loving? Fair? Harsh? Strict? Caring? A combination?

My heart is so invested in these students; however, my Type-A personality has a tendency to take over, overseeing that everything is done "by the book."  Is that the heart of Jesus?

As a teacher, I deal with more moral and ethical dilemmas then I ever thought possible. I certainly did not learn about this in college!

Despite my position or yours, we have to remember that we are ambassadors of Christ. This means there will be times that we need to extend grace and mercy instead of punishment or discipline.

How my heart longs to be the grace and mercy-giver; the teacher who is known for compassion over strictly following the law.

I pray for you, too, that the Spirit of the Lord will speak these words to you and show you how you might be able to better display His character; I also pray that you will learn how to be a grace and mercy-giver, just like Jesus.

Dear Lord-

Oh! How I need you every day, especially in my work. Help me show compassion, mercy, kindness and grace to the students you have entrusted me with. Help me represent you and your kingdom. Help me see things from your perspective and not my own. Above all, Lord, let YOUR will be done in my lif and in the hearts of those you have entrusted me with. Thanks you Jesus for your love, compassion, kindness, and mercy. I love you.

~Amen~

Reflection on Marriage

A Reflection on Marriage

Written for a Bridal Shower

Just like your sparkly diamond on your finger, marriage has many different facets. In different lights, you see different aspects of the diamond. At first, you see nothing but sparkles and shine. You are mesmerized by all the glitter. When in the car or sitting at work or even grocery shopping (and should I confess, in church!), you notice this prism out of the corner of your eye. You hold out your left hand and start to dream about all this ring symbolizes. You quickly realize it is the ring that your beloved has given you and also a promise of a new life together with him.  You feel blessed, excited and maybe a bit scared about what the future holds. Don’t worry, this is normal!

When taking a closer look at the diamond, you see reflections of the things around you as well as a few imperfections in the diamond. For a short moment, all you see are these flaws. Often times, pointing out things that no one else can see. This is a great example of what we often do to our self and also what we can do to our spouse. Picking out the flaws of the other person or comparing the marriage with other couples creates a hostile and uncomfortable environment. In marriage, it is so easy to see the faults of the other person and/or avoid being vulnerable or transparent with our husbands out of fear of rejection. If it is one thing that marriage has taught me, it has been both my husband and I are flawed people. It is through being transparent and vulnerable with each other that we have been able to work through a lot of these flaws (or misunderstandings) to get to a point where they are hardly noticed. Marriage (and Jesus) has taught me how to look past the outwardly imperfections to appreciate the unseen facets of my husband. The marriage, more often than not, reflects the sparkle and shine of the brand-new diamond because of the vulnerability, transparency and communication invested in the relationship. I pray this for you both!

As we move through life, there are also times when the luster of the diamond is hidden because of dirt and grime that builds up from baking cookies or doing yard work. However, thank goodness for the jewelers who quickly work their magic to restore the shiny luster of the ring to reveal the diamond we fell in love with.  Confessing/forgiving regularly is even more important than getting your ring cleaned regularly! Spending regular and quality time with the “Jeweler of our Soul”  will help your marriage in so many ways! Often times, hurts or frustrations build up until one day there is just piles of unspoken hurt. Just like your ring, regular cleanings and maintenance are a must! It is important to schedule special time for just the two of you to talk about where you are both at in the marriage.

To say the least, we can certainly learn a lot from a ring, but we can learn a whole lot more looking to the Creator of the ring, our Lord Jesus.

Now that we have examined a few facets of marriage, I would like to share with you a five things I wish I would have known before I was married:

1)     God does the convicting! It is neither my job title nor my job description! (2 Timothy 2:24-26)

·         Although, like Eve, I want to convince my husband that my way is right (or even better), I have discovered that prayer works a whole lot better than just telling my husband what to do. It might take an extra hour or even a day, but the Holy Spirit is faithful to convict my husband of areas that need to be corrected. This has also been a lot better for our relationship, too!

2)     It really is not all about me and my preferences, but rather considering my husband above myself. Paul convinced me on this in Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

·         Things like: how to put the dishes away, how to fold the bath towels, or what the word “clean” really means.

·         I had to ask myself, “Will eternity be positively affected because the dishes were put away “MY” way?” I have found that 99.9% of the time, the answer to one of these issues is, “No!”

·         I was shocked when I learned this! J  (But my way is still right! J/J)

3)     It was important to not only physically, but emotionally/mentally leave my parents.

·         As Cristina Davidson says it, “Go to the throne and not the phone.”

·         It was a hard transition to go from always seeking the advice from my parents to seeking advice from my husband. It is important to learn to trust your husband.

·         What I have learned is the best course of action is first prayer and then talking with my husband. There was a heavy desire to go outside of my marriage for advice (or to complain); however, I have learned that it is important that I see my husband as my new best friend.

4)     I should be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19

·         Oops! I am still learning this one! J

5)     I have more power and influence over my husband than I thought.

·         Recognizing this, it became a huge responsibility.

·         Am I encouraging my husband or putting him down?

·         Am I steering him towards Christ or seeking to fill my own desires/needs/wants?

Overall, marriage is a wonderfully designed institute! Just like your sparkly diamond on your finger, marriage has many different facets. It calls you to examine your heart and your motives for doing or saying something. This is not always comfortable, but when God calls two people together, it is amazing the transformation that takes place not only in your own heart but in this newest season of your relationship.

Colossians 3:12-19  Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,  bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.