On Saturday, Mar. 25, I had the most beautiful baby sprinkle. It could not have come at a more perfect time especially given the news of the past week and the still many unknowns about the recent discovery of my pregnancy complications. Having real, meaningful conversations with those I love lifted me up so much and encouraged my spirit!
Emotionally, I felt like I was doing okay...handling everything in stride, quoting, "It is what it is." Physically, on the other hand, the extra fluid started to take a toll on my body...requiring me to sit down more than I like, causing pain in my ribs and back... as well as JUST SIT...not lifting, carrying, or helping out in any way. If you know anything about my nature, this is no easy task. I love to jump in and help out. I practiced great restraint and focused on enjoying fellowship and fully embracing the warm wishes of those in attendance. Once the guests had left and my car was loaded, I was on my way back home to see my two other littles.
About 2 weeks ago, we made the decision to hire a mother's helper 5-days a week to support me, our kids and household as it was beginning to become too much for me to do all of that on top of work full-time. Little did I know I would have to rely on her help due to the future recommendation of my medical team of bed rest. (God is so good!) When I got home the kids were still asleep (thankful for afternoon naps!) and the house was spotless. Our helper unloaded the gifts and diapers from the van as we settled into the nightly routine.
I started to have a few contractions after our helper had left and once our kids were in bed (about 7pm). By the time my husband got home from work around 12:30am, some contractions were so bad that I found myself leaning forward, rocking back-and-forth, and breathing heavily through them. After having two babies, I knew these were different contractions than the typical Braxton Hicks, like the contractions I had with the other two and even in this pregnancy starting around 21-weeks.
The contractions finally settled down and I was able to "sleep" for the night. And when I say sleep, I mean my normal 1-2 hour "naps" at a time which result in about maybe 4 hours of sleep per night due to the great amount of physical discomfort I am in.
Sunday. The following day we opted out of attending church. It had been a crazy, emotional, and busy week. We had home church instead: reading the Bible together, having a yummy breakfast and lots of snuggles. The morning went by quickly as my husband had to be at work at 11am downtown. Our helper showed up right on-time at 11am, walking straight to the kitchen to clean up our breakfast dishes. At this point, my contractions started to pick-up again. I was having about 4-5 per hour with many of them feeling like they did the night before...big, tight, painful and having to breath through them. Listening to my body, I knew in my gut I had to go to the hospital and get checked out...if anything just for my sanity...
So I went.
Please stay tuned for the next portion of my story. More to come!
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Growing a boy: BACK STORY
On Monday, I was released from the hospital after a 26-hour stay and put on bed rest. I am 32.5 weeks pregnant with my third child, second boy, and am having some "wonderful" complications.
It all started last Wednesday, March 22 at my routine prenatal check-up (31.5 weeks pregnant). At this appointment my doctor discovered that my belly was measuring 40 to 41 weeks pregnant! Wow! I sure felt big but had no idea. At my previous 20 and 28 week appointments I was measuring just one week bigger which is pretty normal. So what happened?!?
There was talk that I might have late on-set gestational diabetes even though my previous glucose challenge came back negative. So, on Thursday morning, March 23, I took the three hour challenge test which involved fasting for 12 hours followed by drinking a 100ml sugar drink (on an empty stomach) and 4 blood draws. The next day, Friday, the results came back...negative. Leaving still more questions than answers.
My doctor also had me schedule a full scan ultrasound to measure baby, fluid and to check to make sure everything was forming properly. After my glucose testing, I headed straight to the ultrasound appointment. This ultrasound was very telling of some significant changes. Here is what I learned during this appointment:
My next blog post will reveal the events that lead up to my brief hospitalization and my first few days of bed rest....stay tuned.
It all started last Wednesday, March 22 at my routine prenatal check-up (31.5 weeks pregnant). At this appointment my doctor discovered that my belly was measuring 40 to 41 weeks pregnant! Wow! I sure felt big but had no idea. At my previous 20 and 28 week appointments I was measuring just one week bigger which is pretty normal. So what happened?!?
There was talk that I might have late on-set gestational diabetes even though my previous glucose challenge came back negative. So, on Thursday morning, March 23, I took the three hour challenge test which involved fasting for 12 hours followed by drinking a 100ml sugar drink (on an empty stomach) and 4 blood draws. The next day, Friday, the results came back...negative. Leaving still more questions than answers.
My doctor also had me schedule a full scan ultrasound to measure baby, fluid and to check to make sure everything was forming properly. After my glucose testing, I headed straight to the ultrasound appointment. This ultrasound was very telling of some significant changes. Here is what I learned during this appointment:
- I have 50+ AFI (level of amniotic fluid); normal range is 8-18 AFI!
- Baby's inputs (drinking/swallowing) and outputs (urine) look good
- Baby is measuring 6-7 lbs (with 8 more weeks to grow)-- YIKES!
- Received my very first 3D ultrasound...it was amazing to see baby boy
- The baby producing too much urine
- Decreased fetal swallowing (baby)
- Increased water transfer across the placenta by the mother"
- Taken from: https://midwifethinking.com/2013/08/14/amniotic-fluid-volume-too-much-too-little-or-who-knows/
- Premature birth
- Premature rupture of membranes — when your water breaks early
- Excess fetal growth
- Placental abruption — when the placenta peels away from the inner wall of the uterus before delivery
- Umbilical cord prolapse — when the umbilical cord drops into the vagina ahead of the baby
- C-section delivery
- Stillbirth
- Heavy bleeding due to lack of uterine muscle tone after delivery
- Taken from: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/polyhydramnios/basics/complications/con-20034451
My next blog post will reveal the events that lead up to my brief hospitalization and my first few days of bed rest....stay tuned.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
What Does It Mean: Making Time for "Me"
Yesterday was a luxury. My husband "gave me" the morning off from our sick kids so I could sneak out of the house to grade papers at Starbucks and run a few errands. It was an effort to get out of the house since I have been under the weather too but I desperately needed to get away.
I set-up shop at Starbucks with my piping hot coffee, steaming breakfast sandwich and laptop. It only took me an hour and a half to get caught up on emails and papers. I was excited to go to clothing shopping for the kids at the very last Quarter Sale at my favorite consignment shop followed by a quick trip to the Dollar Store to buy supplies for our upcoming neighborhood gathering.
Three hours later, I walked in the door to chaos. Children crying, house a mess, a husband rushing around trying to get out the door to hang out with a friend.
I sat on the couch scarfing down my leftover pizza accompanied by the screeches and cries of my 1 and 2 1/2 year old children who were "napping." What a relaxing homecoming. I wish I could say I felt refreshed and energized after my three hours away but I came home exhausted. Maybe it is being 24-weeks pregnant, recovering from being sick or the lack of sleep at night from my "I don't want to sleep at night" 1-year-old son. Either way it was not what I anticipated.
As I sat on the couch eating I began to think, "what does it mean to take time for me?" Reflecting on the day, I realized the my morning was filled with doing things for other people: grading papers for my students, shopping for clothing for my kids, buying supplies for my neighbors. Although I enjoy all of those things and they do bring me satisfaction to an extent...it was busy and non-refreshing.
So, what does it mean to take time for me?
Becoming a mother has changed how I think about time for me.
Here are 11 new ways I have discovered, "What it means to make time for me:"
I set-up shop at Starbucks with my piping hot coffee, steaming breakfast sandwich and laptop. It only took me an hour and a half to get caught up on emails and papers. I was excited to go to clothing shopping for the kids at the very last Quarter Sale at my favorite consignment shop followed by a quick trip to the Dollar Store to buy supplies for our upcoming neighborhood gathering.
Three hours later, I walked in the door to chaos. Children crying, house a mess, a husband rushing around trying to get out the door to hang out with a friend.
I sat on the couch scarfing down my leftover pizza accompanied by the screeches and cries of my 1 and 2 1/2 year old children who were "napping." What a relaxing homecoming. I wish I could say I felt refreshed and energized after my three hours away but I came home exhausted. Maybe it is being 24-weeks pregnant, recovering from being sick or the lack of sleep at night from my "I don't want to sleep at night" 1-year-old son. Either way it was not what I anticipated.
As I sat on the couch eating I began to think, "what does it mean to take time for me?" Reflecting on the day, I realized the my morning was filled with doing things for other people: grading papers for my students, shopping for clothing for my kids, buying supplies for my neighbors. Although I enjoy all of those things and they do bring me satisfaction to an extent...it was busy and non-refreshing.
So, what does it mean to take time for me?
Becoming a mother has changed how I think about time for me.
Here are 11 new ways I have discovered, "What it means to make time for me:"
- Taking a nap while the kids are sleeping.
- Enjoying a HOT cup of coffee while reading a quick devo or a page of a book as the kids eat breakfast.
- Watching Grey's Anatomy on Thursday nights while folding laundry (side note: this past weeks episode was so disappointing).
- Calling a friend to catch-up since getting together is a huge challenge with sickness, nap schedules, etc.
- Shopping without the kids, regardless of what I am buying.
- The splurge to get a pedicure...ALONE. (My husband supports this habit monthly when I am pregnant...I'm a blessed girl).
- Sitting in church service on Sundays and Tuesdays (with childcare) as I connect with others who share my beliefs.
- Taking a few extra minutes to wash my face in the morning and evening...I LOVE my new Arbonne Products!
- Blogging :) as my oldest plays on the floor and my son sleeps.
- Dancing along side my daughter in her mommy & me ballet class.
- Buying the "expensive" laundry soap and scent boosters for my clothing. It brings me joy to have the fresh, long lasting scent lingering on my clothes.
Whether you are a mother or not, work full-time or not, it can be hard to make time for "me." How do you do it? What do you do? Please leave comments here. I am always looking for new ways to make time to rest, reflect and rejuvenate in the craziness we call life!
Be blessed.
Monday, December 12, 2016
It's FINALLY over...
After three long months....it is finally over.
It is hard to imagine the number of keys and words my fingers have typed. The amount of emails exchanged back and forth. The time spent pouring over & reviewing submitted files, commenting on each.
The ideas that were changed, ideas that were formed, principles put into practice. Friendships that were made or reestablished.
We are all changed.
I am excited to announce that after three long months, FALL QUARTER IT FINALLY OVER!!
I will take a days break to rejoice in all the ideas and learning that was shared and exchanged...then...onto preparing winter quarter courses. My job is so fulfilling in the way that I have the opportunity to see lives transformed and ideas put into practice.
I am relieved to have a break but I am so thankful for the work I am allowed to do. :)
Until January.....
It is hard to imagine the number of keys and words my fingers have typed. The amount of emails exchanged back and forth. The time spent pouring over & reviewing submitted files, commenting on each.
The ideas that were changed, ideas that were formed, principles put into practice. Friendships that were made or reestablished.
We are all changed.
I am excited to announce that after three long months, FALL QUARTER IT FINALLY OVER!!
I will take a days break to rejoice in all the ideas and learning that was shared and exchanged...then...onto preparing winter quarter courses. My job is so fulfilling in the way that I have the opportunity to see lives transformed and ideas put into practice.
I am relieved to have a break but I am so thankful for the work I am allowed to do. :)
Until January.....
Friday, December 9, 2016
Life is Messy...and that is okay.
Life gets messy...
It does not mean that I live in a pigpen and things never get clean. It means I allow toys to be scattered on the floor throughout the day, picking up at the END of the day on most days instead of spending precious time picking them up and then picking up the same toys again... about 5 times a day. It means I teach and encourage my kids to clean up after themselves (and it works!!!! even at 11-months old!). I much rather spend time PLAYING with my kids rather than being their maid and always picking up after them.
It does not mean that flies are fluttering in my kitchen around the dirty dishes in the sink. It does mean that it might take a full 24-hours to unload the clean dishes, reload with the dirty ones and start the whole cycle over. For me, this is one of my most dreaded tasks...who knows why, but it is. Tag-teaming and communicating with my husband ensure that our sink is empty about 50% of the time during the week. Seriously, I much rather spend time with my kids playing than doing the dishes (and if my husband wants to do them...even better!)
It does not mean that mold and other undesirable "things" are growing in my bathroom. It means I wipe things as I go and about every month or so I do a deep clean of the bathroom. With potty training, blowout diapers and entering the muddy-outside weather, my bathrooms sees a lot of action. It is hard to keep them sparkling. I would literally have to spend at least an hour a day to keep them sparkling....sorry, not going to happen. But again, I assure you, are bathrooms are clean and they do get a deep scrub just not on the scale they use to. I much rather be spending time playing with my kids then on my pregnant hand and knees scrubbing the bathroom.
- toys scattered (and tripped over)
- piles of unclean clothes (that probably should have been washed WAY sooner)
- dirty dishes piled in the sink (because you are either too tired or too distracted to put the clean ones away)
- bathrooms are not sparkling clean
- papers piled up on the kitchen counter (but at least the bills are paid, right?)
- emails let unresponded to (the important one always get answered)
...yet it will all be okay.
Being currently sick and 17 weeks pregnant, already having a 2-year old and (almost) 1-year old, priorities change. I am resolved with the fact that life gets messy and that is okay.
I use to have such a high standard of "clean" and an even higher standard for communicating with the outside world, being over the top thoughtful...then I had kids. I realized that I can no longer do everything I once did...at least not to the standard I use to hold. I am sure that one day I will get back there but it is freeing in a sense to let go of these high standard and embrace this season on a messy life.
It does not mean that I have totally disregarded my responsibilities as an adult. On the contrary, I think I take my role as an adult more seriously now since I have two (well, three) creatures depending on me, a husband to love, an employer to fulfill my work obligation as well as my community/friends to connect with and serve. Life gets busy. The true priorities will also be taken care of with the right focus and heart. This may mean that piles of papers get unfiled and stacked on my kitchen counter for a week or two. I am okay with that.
So, here is the current view of my living room.
On most days it does not look like this but I must say we are making some great and fun memories among the mess. I love the saying, "Please excuse the mess. We are making memories here." Welcome to my new perpsective on life. As I continue to work on embracing this season of life, join me! It is more freeing than you think to let go of some of those high standards and ..... well..... just live!
On most days it does not look like this but I must say we are making some great and fun memories among the mess. I love the saying, "Please excuse the mess. We are making memories here." Welcome to my new perpsective on life. As I continue to work on embracing this season of life, join me! It is more freeing than you think to let go of some of those high standards and ..... well..... just live!
Pease be upon you.
~B~
Monday, December 5, 2016
Worry: Pregnancy: What if I start bleeding...again?
Worry: the practice of trying to change or control the future by thinking and rethinking, planning and over planning for an event that has not and may not occur. To dwell on an unpredictable event in the future.
That is my definition. Yes, I have been worried...somewhat secretly... about pregnancy #3.
It all stated with pregnancy #1...
Pregnancy #1
Outcome- successful: yet at week 15 I woke up to bloody sheets on a Tuesday morning. Initially I was in shock. I called my close friend and told her I would be a "little late" to bible study that morning because I had blood on my sheets and had to change the bedding. Then...it hit me. I was pregnant and bleeding. My husband, then in medical school, was up in Seattle without transportation because he took the commuter bus. I felt stuck. I called my mom; she rushed over and took me to the doctor and supported me during this crazy, crazy day. My husband finally found a way back home by our scheduled "emergency" ultrasound. I had placenta previa and was placed on modified bed rest for less than a week. My bleeding stopped soon after and the rest of my pregnancy was normal.
Pregnancy #2
Outcome-successful: yet at week 11.5, again on a Tuesday, I was at summer bible study. As I sat on the couch listening to the DVD on the book of Malachi, I felt like I was "leaking." I casually slide off the couch just a few minutes into the video and headed to the bathroom. It was a bloody mess! I was incredibly shocked to see that much blood. I froze. For sure I was having a miscarriage, I thought. As calmly as I could, I walked out, grabbed my phone without saying anything to the ladies in the room and headed back to the bathroom. They must have sensed something was wrong because my good friend, whose NEW leather couch I just bled all over, followed me back into the bathroom. Thankfully my husband was in town at the local dentist. I called the office and he rushed over in what felt like just minutes with new clothes, lots of pads and the direct route to the doctor's office. It felt like forever until we were called back. I explained the large amount of continual bleeding; and I was prepared in my heart that we lost our second child. The doctor placed the heart Doppler on my belly...no heat beat. Instant tears welled up in my eyes as I was processing everything. The shadowing medical student brought in the office ultrasound machine so that we could verify what I felt in my heart was already decided...but then...we saw a heartbeat! Praise the Lord!! An ultrasound appointment was schedule for 2pm in a nearby city (the only place that had an appointment available). We quickly found childcare for our first born and drove as calmly as we could to the appointment. Upon review of the ultrasound, I had placenta previa...more sever than the last pregnancy. However, they were not all the way sure as they also saw a subchorionic hematoma. This time I was told I could not lift, run, be on my feet, etc. for at least a full 7-days, until me next ultrasound appointment. They said something like, "Well, you might be miscarrying but for now we see a heartbeat." Well, at least there was a heartbeat! Over the next week, support flooded in and friends came over to lift my first born in and out of her crib, changer her diaper, prepare our meals. ((See original blog post here: unborn-fight-for-my-child) Our prayers were answered. Our darling second born....well, was born! No complications beyond those scary weeks in which we had no idea what was going to happen.
Pregnancy #3
Outcome: To be determined.
This pregnancy has been vastly, vastly different than the other two in more ways than one. First off, I was literally nauseated for the first 13-ish weeks. Thankfully I never threw up. At times I could only handle simple, bland foods. In someways that was great because it helped me keep my first trimester weight down. :) Yet with each passing week, approaching the 11.5 week mark, I was more and more worried. I had an early ultrasound around 8-weeks. The doctor called...the DOCTOR CALLED...with the results. Never a good sign, right? Well, I did (do)? have the same subchorionic hematoma (blood clot) as I had with pregnancy #2 but she did not seem at all concerned. She wanted to talk me through the results so I was not shocked or concerned when I saw the results posted online. I was thankful for her concern and explanation. Although it did put me at ease...it also made me worry. So, 11.5 weeks came and went with no bleeding. We went on our "babymoon" / family vacation yet with each passing week I grew anxious. What if I start bleeding again? Last week was my "victory" week 15. It came and went with no bleeding and now I am happy to say I am 16 weeks along...with NO bleeding. I am trying my best to turn my worry over to God but it is so hard. Honestly, though, who by worrying can add a single hour to the day? (Like 12:25). Lets say I do start bleeding....what really can I do? Life is in the hand of the Creator regardless of what I do or do not do. So, I am trying to rest in this amazing gift...this third pregnancy with no complications (as of yet).
There is a reason why the word "worry," in various forms, appears 365 times in the Bible. One verse for each day. So, I put my trust in Him who created all...big and small...in the One who is more concern about this precious life growing inside of me..more than I will ever know.
Thank you Jesus that You are the One we can put our trust and lay our worry down. You are Faithful at bringing us peace and hope and joy beyond measure.
~Amen~
That is my definition. Yes, I have been worried...somewhat secretly... about pregnancy #3.
It all stated with pregnancy #1...
Pregnancy #1
Outcome- successful: yet at week 15 I woke up to bloody sheets on a Tuesday morning. Initially I was in shock. I called my close friend and told her I would be a "little late" to bible study that morning because I had blood on my sheets and had to change the bedding. Then...it hit me. I was pregnant and bleeding. My husband, then in medical school, was up in Seattle without transportation because he took the commuter bus. I felt stuck. I called my mom; she rushed over and took me to the doctor and supported me during this crazy, crazy day. My husband finally found a way back home by our scheduled "emergency" ultrasound. I had placenta previa and was placed on modified bed rest for less than a week. My bleeding stopped soon after and the rest of my pregnancy was normal.
Pregnancy #2
Outcome-successful: yet at week 11.5, again on a Tuesday, I was at summer bible study. As I sat on the couch listening to the DVD on the book of Malachi, I felt like I was "leaking." I casually slide off the couch just a few minutes into the video and headed to the bathroom. It was a bloody mess! I was incredibly shocked to see that much blood. I froze. For sure I was having a miscarriage, I thought. As calmly as I could, I walked out, grabbed my phone without saying anything to the ladies in the room and headed back to the bathroom. They must have sensed something was wrong because my good friend, whose NEW leather couch I just bled all over, followed me back into the bathroom. Thankfully my husband was in town at the local dentist. I called the office and he rushed over in what felt like just minutes with new clothes, lots of pads and the direct route to the doctor's office. It felt like forever until we were called back. I explained the large amount of continual bleeding; and I was prepared in my heart that we lost our second child. The doctor placed the heart Doppler on my belly...no heat beat. Instant tears welled up in my eyes as I was processing everything. The shadowing medical student brought in the office ultrasound machine so that we could verify what I felt in my heart was already decided...but then...we saw a heartbeat! Praise the Lord!! An ultrasound appointment was schedule for 2pm in a nearby city (the only place that had an appointment available). We quickly found childcare for our first born and drove as calmly as we could to the appointment. Upon review of the ultrasound, I had placenta previa...more sever than the last pregnancy. However, they were not all the way sure as they also saw a subchorionic hematoma. This time I was told I could not lift, run, be on my feet, etc. for at least a full 7-days, until me next ultrasound appointment. They said something like, "Well, you might be miscarrying but for now we see a heartbeat." Well, at least there was a heartbeat! Over the next week, support flooded in and friends came over to lift my first born in and out of her crib, changer her diaper, prepare our meals. ((See original blog post here: unborn-fight-for-my-child) Our prayers were answered. Our darling second born....well, was born! No complications beyond those scary weeks in which we had no idea what was going to happen.
Pregnancy #3
Outcome: To be determined.
This pregnancy has been vastly, vastly different than the other two in more ways than one. First off, I was literally nauseated for the first 13-ish weeks. Thankfully I never threw up. At times I could only handle simple, bland foods. In someways that was great because it helped me keep my first trimester weight down. :) Yet with each passing week, approaching the 11.5 week mark, I was more and more worried. I had an early ultrasound around 8-weeks. The doctor called...the DOCTOR CALLED...with the results. Never a good sign, right? Well, I did (do)? have the same subchorionic hematoma (blood clot) as I had with pregnancy #2 but she did not seem at all concerned. She wanted to talk me through the results so I was not shocked or concerned when I saw the results posted online. I was thankful for her concern and explanation. Although it did put me at ease...it also made me worry. So, 11.5 weeks came and went with no bleeding. We went on our "babymoon" / family vacation yet with each passing week I grew anxious. What if I start bleeding again? Last week was my "victory" week 15. It came and went with no bleeding and now I am happy to say I am 16 weeks along...with NO bleeding. I am trying my best to turn my worry over to God but it is so hard. Honestly, though, who by worrying can add a single hour to the day? (Like 12:25). Lets say I do start bleeding....what really can I do? Life is in the hand of the Creator regardless of what I do or do not do. So, I am trying to rest in this amazing gift...this third pregnancy with no complications (as of yet).
There is a reason why the word "worry," in various forms, appears 365 times in the Bible. One verse for each day. So, I put my trust in Him who created all...big and small...in the One who is more concern about this precious life growing inside of me..more than I will ever know.
Thank you Jesus that You are the One we can put our trust and lay our worry down. You are Faithful at bringing us peace and hope and joy beyond measure.
~Amen~
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Pt. 2: When It Rains It Pours: The hardest season of life
The kids are down for the night. Husband is working late (until at least 1am). And I am drinking some peppermint tea in hopes of soothing my very sore and swollen throat. As I snuck in a shower, I began to reflect on my previous blog and all that this hard season is and has been teaching me...to be honest, something I have not done until just a few moments ago.
It is easy to complain about where God has us or just plain forget that God always has a plan. So, I am choosing to have a different attitude (...thanks for letting me vent in my past posting).
Trials, hard seasons, whatever you want to call them...they test us. I have found that four areas of my life have been testing quiet a lot in these past months:
1. My Faith: I wish I could say that I have been on my knees everyday petitioning to God about all the happenings in my life. I haven't. Who has time? (I cringe as I type that last question). I was so caught up in just surviving, especially this past month, that I have spent little to no time diving in the WORD myself. Conviction! I know that God is always with me and He guides my path everyday...I have seen glimpses of Him controlling my tongue or my attitude towards my kids or husband or making a way for me to get my grading done or prepare for my son's first birthday but it is sad that this, my faith, has not been my top priority. My faith in Jesus grounds me. Gives me peace. Gives me hope. Helps me put life into proper perspective. To serve others and look beyond what I consider "horrible" circumstances. I certainly have been failing this part of the "test" but I am thankful that His mercies renew everyday and that I love Jesus and He loves me without a checklist of dos and don'ts. Seriously, thank you Jesus!
2. My Marriage: Like ships passing in the night (or at the front door), I can certainly say that this is not the strongest point our marriage has ever seen. So many changes have happened (and will happen) in these months that it literally has felt like a bunch of mini-business interactions, logistics of getting life sorted out and taken care of. Date night has been nonexistent, minus last Monday when we went to the Banff Film Festival. We both have been sick, taking turns of course, and as a result, the other has willingly taken up the slack of the grocery shopping, laundry, child care, etc. Text messages have taken the place of most face-to-face conversations due to necessity of our schedules. When will life slow down? I am thankful for all of the pictures we have posted around our house of our great adventures, some local some aboard. They remind me of who we were as a couple, who I want us to be and all of the great qualities I love about the man I married nearly 7 years ago. We are certainly in it for the long haul. I am SO thankful to have him by myself and fighting for us just as hard as I am! This is not a test I will fail! :)
3. My Family: First, my children. What a blessing and joy they truly are. They both have such unique and amazing personalities that come out more and more everyday. It is a privilege to shepherd them and get a front row seat to view of every stage of development. Although I feel as though I have ages YEARS since having them due to sleepless nights and the worries that most parents have, I would not trade this journey in for anything. Being a mother to them, especially in this hard season, has taught me more about love, patience, respect and noticing the details. (Trust me, the love and patience things is a HUGE test with a 2-year old and an 11-month old who wants to chew on everything and destroy everything). It has offered me the new perspective of seeing these changes from their world's view instead of mine. It has allowed me to include them in the craziness of life as we deal with life and death, rearrange our house to accommodate a new baby brother or sister and to teach about giving as we sort through to get rid of toys/clothes/etc. It is a learning opportunity in which I can teach them both how to handle life's hard circumstances with grace. It is an opportunity to teach them about praying for those arounds them who might also be struggling with change and transition. Secondly, this hard season has tested the relationships we have with our immediate families. I am thankful for our immediate families who have so willingly taken the kids or sent text messages just to see how we are. It is a true testament to all those popular and well known says that we can lean on family in hard times. This is so true.
4. My Friends: In prior seasons, I have spent so much more time investing into friendships than I have in the past three months. I would arrange coffee or play dates, social gatherings or group events. I have been slacking in this area. Although my heart is craving this authentic one-on-one or group time with my closest friends, I just have not have the room in my mind to plan or take care of one more event. (But please, if you want to get together, please let me know!!!). A few friends in this particular season have really stepped up when our family needed it the most. (Literally) offering a shoulder to cry on, a good meal, or care for both of our kids so we could take care of the responsibilities that come with being an adult. Some friendships have been but aside with little to no interaction while others have seemingly survived with the occasional text message here or there. Despite the different seasons we (as humans) go through, often times our friendships go through seasons too. I must say that I have been so INCREDIBLY grateful for those who have personally invested their lives with our durning this hard season...who get it without having to ask questions or without needing an explanation for the reason I just might not seem "happy" on a particular day. It reminds me of Proverbs 18:24 "...but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." So for those of you who have done this for us, we are so, so grateful for your love and partnership as we share in this journey of life.
So there you have it...for now. I know there are many, MANY other areas of my life being tested (such as full-time-work vs. full-time-life balance and becoming a mother of three under three among other topics listed above), but for now, I rejoice! COME ON! It is Christmas time! A time when we get to focus of the miraculous gift of Baby Jesus...the amazing life Jesus lived and what He taught us through that life that carries on today. So, if you are facing a hard season: pray, focus on your marriage and those relationships that matter most. Learn to count your blessings and surround yourself with those who will willingly walk though life without...with no judgement or hesitation but but pure love, honesty and grace.
Peace be upon you, my friends.
It is easy to complain about where God has us or just plain forget that God always has a plan. So, I am choosing to have a different attitude (...thanks for letting me vent in my past posting).
Trials, hard seasons, whatever you want to call them...they test us. I have found that four areas of my life have been testing quiet a lot in these past months:
- My Faith
- My Marriage
- My Family
- My Friends
1. My Faith: I wish I could say that I have been on my knees everyday petitioning to God about all the happenings in my life. I haven't. Who has time? (I cringe as I type that last question). I was so caught up in just surviving, especially this past month, that I have spent little to no time diving in the WORD myself. Conviction! I know that God is always with me and He guides my path everyday...I have seen glimpses of Him controlling my tongue or my attitude towards my kids or husband or making a way for me to get my grading done or prepare for my son's first birthday but it is sad that this, my faith, has not been my top priority. My faith in Jesus grounds me. Gives me peace. Gives me hope. Helps me put life into proper perspective. To serve others and look beyond what I consider "horrible" circumstances. I certainly have been failing this part of the "test" but I am thankful that His mercies renew everyday and that I love Jesus and He loves me without a checklist of dos and don'ts. Seriously, thank you Jesus!
2. My Marriage: Like ships passing in the night (or at the front door), I can certainly say that this is not the strongest point our marriage has ever seen. So many changes have happened (and will happen) in these months that it literally has felt like a bunch of mini-business interactions, logistics of getting life sorted out and taken care of. Date night has been nonexistent, minus last Monday when we went to the Banff Film Festival. We both have been sick, taking turns of course, and as a result, the other has willingly taken up the slack of the grocery shopping, laundry, child care, etc. Text messages have taken the place of most face-to-face conversations due to necessity of our schedules. When will life slow down? I am thankful for all of the pictures we have posted around our house of our great adventures, some local some aboard. They remind me of who we were as a couple, who I want us to be and all of the great qualities I love about the man I married nearly 7 years ago. We are certainly in it for the long haul. I am SO thankful to have him by myself and fighting for us just as hard as I am! This is not a test I will fail! :)
3. My Family: First, my children. What a blessing and joy they truly are. They both have such unique and amazing personalities that come out more and more everyday. It is a privilege to shepherd them and get a front row seat to view of every stage of development. Although I feel as though I have ages YEARS since having them due to sleepless nights and the worries that most parents have, I would not trade this journey in for anything. Being a mother to them, especially in this hard season, has taught me more about love, patience, respect and noticing the details. (Trust me, the love and patience things is a HUGE test with a 2-year old and an 11-month old who wants to chew on everything and destroy everything). It has offered me the new perspective of seeing these changes from their world's view instead of mine. It has allowed me to include them in the craziness of life as we deal with life and death, rearrange our house to accommodate a new baby brother or sister and to teach about giving as we sort through to get rid of toys/clothes/etc. It is a learning opportunity in which I can teach them both how to handle life's hard circumstances with grace. It is an opportunity to teach them about praying for those arounds them who might also be struggling with change and transition. Secondly, this hard season has tested the relationships we have with our immediate families. I am thankful for our immediate families who have so willingly taken the kids or sent text messages just to see how we are. It is a true testament to all those popular and well known says that we can lean on family in hard times. This is so true.
4. My Friends: In prior seasons, I have spent so much more time investing into friendships than I have in the past three months. I would arrange coffee or play dates, social gatherings or group events. I have been slacking in this area. Although my heart is craving this authentic one-on-one or group time with my closest friends, I just have not have the room in my mind to plan or take care of one more event. (But please, if you want to get together, please let me know!!!). A few friends in this particular season have really stepped up when our family needed it the most. (Literally) offering a shoulder to cry on, a good meal, or care for both of our kids so we could take care of the responsibilities that come with being an adult. Some friendships have been but aside with little to no interaction while others have seemingly survived with the occasional text message here or there. Despite the different seasons we (as humans) go through, often times our friendships go through seasons too. I must say that I have been so INCREDIBLY grateful for those who have personally invested their lives with our durning this hard season...who get it without having to ask questions or without needing an explanation for the reason I just might not seem "happy" on a particular day. It reminds me of Proverbs 18:24 "...but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." So for those of you who have done this for us, we are so, so grateful for your love and partnership as we share in this journey of life.
So there you have it...for now. I know there are many, MANY other areas of my life being tested (such as full-time-work vs. full-time-life balance and becoming a mother of three under three among other topics listed above), but for now, I rejoice! COME ON! It is Christmas time! A time when we get to focus of the miraculous gift of Baby Jesus...the amazing life Jesus lived and what He taught us through that life that carries on today. So, if you are facing a hard season: pray, focus on your marriage and those relationships that matter most. Learn to count your blessings and surround yourself with those who will willingly walk though life without...with no judgement or hesitation but but pure love, honesty and grace.
Peace be upon you, my friends.
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