When It Rains It Pours: The hardest season of life

You have heard the saying, "when it rains it pours." Well, that is the most accurate description of my life right now. Let me explain...

It all started in late August when we were surprised with the news of baby #3. In many ways it was an answer to our prayers because we were truly undecided if we should have a third.  Well, God answered that for us and in His perfect timing. Literally at day one of this pregnancy I felt nauseous...immediately I knew I was pregnant.

The month quickly transitioned from summer to fall which is a season of new beginnings and lots of planning. After having almost 3 months off of teaching, I was thrusted into the full swing of teaching 4 university level courses in addition to being a full-time stay at home mom...pregnant again with non-stop nausea. Fun. With the husband working mostly afternoon into evening shifts that left me feeding, bathing and putting our VERY two-years-old and 10-month old to sleep most nights. Talk about exhausting. I will confess that I made way too much mac & cheese or fish sticks for dinner. Mom of the year award for frozen & processed foods! When I had just my daughter I would have NEVER DREAMED of giving her these types of foods. Sorry son. To top the craziest of our September begins, both my husband & I are bible study leaders. Yea, way to add one more thing! Oh and did I mention that our 10-month old son still gets up 2-4 times a night. Boy, let me tell you how refreshed I am in the morning.

October started off fine. We were finding our balance as a family and I was learning how to manage my nausea along with my million other responsibilities.  We began the "big bedroom move" which consisted of combining offices (down to one shared desk between my husband and I...so far so good), purging my clothing to combine two closest into one tiny shared closet with my hubby and cleaning out our back room in preparation to move our son downstairs so that the current nursery could be re-done for baby 3. As we slowly made progress, my nausea began to subside and life felt like it was getting back to normal....until we woke up mid-October to many text messages and phone calls sent during the night. Tyler's mother had passed away.

It shouldn't have been as much as a shock as it was. In early September, the family made the decision to put her on hospice care. She had a saddle pulmonary embolism over three years prior which left her bed bound and unable to retain most of her short-term memory. Regardless of her condition, it is never easy when a family member passes (expected or not). So, just as we felt our life normalizing, we were in the throughs of dealing with cremation and memorial planning. Her death brought up a lot of memories from my husband's childhood, some good, some bad. It took roughly two weeks for things to settle...at least for most of the logistics to be taken care of (we are still dealing with some minor items from her estate). Before we knew it November had arrived. The month that we had been planning for since June.

Back in June we has decided to plan a family trip to Maui to support my husband's required continuing medical education. He found a great conference in Maui which would allow him to get the knowledge and CME credits he needed as well as a great opportunity to spend some family time together. This trip occurred just two weeks after his mom died. In addition to preparing for her memorial, we were packing our bags to fly to Hawaii. Talk about mixed emotions and WAY too much planning for such a short timeframe. We made it though, our bags packed and kids prepared. We arrived at the airport that first week in November with plenty of time to check our bags and find our gate. When we finally boarded at 10am, we learned there was an engine problem. Grounded, on the plane with two kids, for an hour! They fixed the problem. We all found our seats again and we eagerly awaited takeoff. Forty-five minutes into our flight... over the Pacific Ocean... the engine problem reoccurred. We had no choice but to fly back to the airport so that they could fix the plane. Long story short, our plane ended up not taking off until 1:45AM...talk about a "slight" delay. It felt relentless especially after all of the stress leading up to this trip. I wish I could say that our trip got better but it didn't. Both kids got sick (as well as my husband) and our boy decided that it was the perfect time to cut teeth. In addition, our two-year decided to become two on this trip...you know the "NO! I do it! No help please! MY TURN" kinda two. She had NEVER acted like this until Hawaii. Needless to say, everyday was a battle. The husband left at 7am to return at 1pm Monday-Friday for his conference. I was literally done dealing with the kids and my nausea by the time he made it back to the condo. My son not sleeping through the night (waking 3-5 times was slightly obnoxious too)...so here we were in tropical paradise struggling to embrace this so-called "vacation." To be honest, we almost left 4-days early but decided to stick it out. Overall, we were glad that we went for those few and far between fun memories we made but it certainly was not relaxing and we did not come back tan!

The day after we got back, I jumped right back into my role as Relay Center Coordinator for Operation Christmas Child. I coordinate a team of volunteers every year to help collect shoebox gifts that are sent around the world. It is a great project but a lot of work to organize. I was exhausted with little rest but really, what are you going to do? The day after was my families Thanksgiving which involved shopping and preparing a few side dishes for the festivities...seriously...one thing after another after another. We enjoyed the gathering and the food but were thankful to come home and rest once the evening was done. The following week was real Thanksgiving. We were glad to purchase our side dish and bring it instead of making it from scratch.

Thanksgiving has always been a great time of year for my family and a stepping stone to Christmas. Which this year seemed to approach quicker than any other year due to the craziness of life.....OH YEA! And our son's first birthday! December has started off trying to catch up....decorating, buying gifts, planning my son's first birthday party, planning a gender reveal party for the end of the month for baby 3, finishing our "big bedroom move"...did I mention I started this month off being sick? Knock down, don't touch me or talk to me sick? Just one more thing. I am praying that the craziness of this life's season will pass quickly while trying to embrace the great memories in between but it sure has been hard to remain upbeat, positive and mentally together dealing with all of these challenges.

I guess the saying is right, when it rains it pours!

PS- when my husband got into his car today to drive to his 12-hour shift...he sat on a bee and got stung... IN DECEMBER!! Seriously, Lord, please have mercy on us.

Retaining "me" in the midst of everything

It is 3:45pm on a Friday afternoon. Both kids are sleeping (YES! at the same time!!). And I have re-warmed my morning coffee (for the second time) in hopes to finally finish just one-cup before the caffeine keeps me awake all night.

After a day of wind breezing through the sky and rain filling the earth, the sun peeks through my kitchen window. I breathe.

It has been a long week. A week of balancing one-sick infant and a very active toddler, caring for and grading multiple assignments for over 150 students, remembering to (finally) put the clothes in the dryer. After 5-loads of backed-up laundry waiting to be put away...it happened! Everything is back in its proper home. My to-do list is still long...seems like it always is yet I take a moment to enjoy the silence of my house. No one wanting me. The house not beckoning for attention (I am ignoring the toys scattered on the living room floor behind me). In this moment, I reflect on why it matters to still retain "ME" in the midst of the demands the world brings.

• My passions allow me to get excited.
• My hobbies recharge me which in turn makes me a better wife, mommy, and friend. 
• My relationship with Jesus often suffers at the constant tugging or crying of my children. Investing in this daily (although it doesn't always happen), allows me to maintain a godly point of view (when all I really want to do is overreact).
• Connecting with friends via text, email or phone allows me to encourage others which in turn encourages me.

This is a very short list (because I know my kids will soon be stirring and seeking snacks, dinner, etc.) but this concept of "retaining me" in the midst of everything is so important to explore. Just because I am a wife, mom, friend, teacher, leader, etc. I do not want to forsake the gifts and passions God has instilled in me. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who supports my crazy (and over abundance) of party planning or my new organizational idea. As often as he can due to his work schedule he watches the kids so I can sneak away to a coffeeshop to read, do Bible Study or simply sit. I am blessed to have the love and support of a wonderful family who also helps me "retain me." Although the "me" now looks drastically different than my "me" before kids, I have to be okay with how my life has changed...it certainly has changed for the better so why do I look to the past? Anyway....embrace who you are...in the season you are in. Find ways to continue to "retain you" in the midst of the world's demands. I am curious, how are you able to do this? (I am always looking for new ideas!).

Thanks for reading and Happy Epic Fall Storm of 2016!

Eager to Sacrifice

Eager to Sacrifice?

sac·ri·fice ˈsakrəˌfīs/ (noun) 

• noun: sacrifice; plural noun: sacrifices
• an act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure.

...one thing I am not so eager to do.

Sacrifice it HARD! It means giving up something (and often something I enjoy). It means setting up boundaries. Saying no. Being disciplined. It means believing in WHO I am sacrificing to and for what purpose. It means surrender.

God calls us in our life to surrender to Him. To sacrifice not only what we have but who we are to His purposes and for His glory. You know, sometimes that just doesn't make sense to me. The Bible says that all things are permissible....right? Well, the next line says "but not all things are beneficial." (1 Corinthians 10:23). This is where faith is strengthened and our allegiance is tested...when we are asked to sacrifice.

In a season where God is "simply" (and what I really mean is not "simply" at all!!) challenging me with IDEAS of possible change, I find myself unyielding, stubborn, set in MY ways...grappling if (if or when called) I should embrace said changes. Yet, "if God is for me then who can be against me?" (Romans 8:31).

When in the past has God EVER failed me? Scripture repeats over and over that He will NOT fail us...and I cannot recount one time (not one!) that He has left me to fend for myself. Every challenge I have endured, every hardship I have overcome, I have become stronger in Him able to encourage those around me as well as proclaim the faithfulness of God.

Sacrifice.

Is it worth the struggle? The stress? The uncertainty? Is sacrifice needed to grow in my faith? Become more selfless? To better care for those in whom I have been entrusted with? Am I willing to learn how to sacrifice, surrender to Him and for Him in my marriage, parenthood, friendships...in my community, places of employment and circles of influence?

Wow! Hard questions to answer.

I will leave it to you to answer those questions for yourself.

But if I am (we are) called by God to sacrifice, is my (our) heart willing?

Is the call to sacrifice to the Lord worth it?

If it is....why not embrace it eagerly!!! With joy, tenacity, and a hope beyond anything this world can offer...learning to find satisfaction in Him Only.

For HIM ONLY do we eagerly offer our sacrifices. So are you ready to join me in kneeling before the Lord, seeking if/when HE might be calling us to sacrifice...praying boldly to HIM to soften our hearts to receive the blessings that come through obedience and sacrifice, making us tender towards His voice, to His call and to His plan? If so, let us kneel together as members of one body, the body of Christ, and LETS PRAY!

Amen.

When your mouth says otherwise

True confession: sometimes my mouth says things my mind says I should not say.

In a world with rapid access to news and quick postings on social media, I find myself blurting out things that I otherwise should know are not appropriate. My desire in life is to honor the Lord first and foremost. And then to honor my husband, family, and then friends. It is challenging when my mind goes 1,000,000 miles a minute and my mouth catches up quickly.

So how do I stop this fire out of my tongue? Scripture says that it can never be tamed. Is it hopeless?

With prayer and discernment, I pray that my mouth will align with God's heart.  I really do want to lift up those around me with kind, compassionate words. What example do a set for my family and children with the words that I say? Although I am not cursing, I say things that inevitably can cut deep without even realizing it.

We are an example. We do have influence on those around us. I desire my influence to be one that uplifts and brings honor to those around me.  So in a quest to find the Lord's voice in mine, I go to prayer. There are many examples of those in my life who have learned to either keep their mouth shut or honor those they love with her words. I desire to learn both skills.  It is an on going process, one in which I need grace.

I encourage you as well as myself to take pause. To be still. To listen. And to be slow to speak and quick o listen. Words can't either build up or tear down. What do your words do?

Honoring Marriage in Parenthood

It all started when my husband and I realized that we had no time for each other. It was like ships passing in the night with his work schedule and my sleepless nights caring for our seven month old son & crazy days chasing our 2-years old toddler.… our conversations would mostly be through text or at 1 AM when he rolled into bed after working a 10 hour shift (most of which he would forget because he was so tired). Dialogs in the morning consisted of getting the kids fed and changed before sending my husband off to yet another long shift.

Something had to change!

So we took out our calendars and decided to tackle the cultural problem with being too busy.

Last month we instituted "surprise date day" which once a month one spouse plans a surprise date...(no hints allowed!!), finds childcare and works out all the details. The other spouse willingly follows. 

Last month I planned a movie-theater, popcorn eating, air conditioned, snuggle my man in comfy theater seats date! Something we have both wanted to do more frequently than we have. Pre-kids, we enjoyed going to the movies at least once or twice a month. Post kids, we are lucky if we get out to the theater once every six months. It was a real treat!

This month was my husband's turn. The only hint that he gave me was to dress in active wear. I had no idea what he had in mind. Rockclimbing maybe? As I walked out the front door I saw the kayak on top of our vehicle! We own a double kayak we affectionately called "the yellow banana." I was getting pretty excited about where he might be taking me.

He said to get cozy because the drive might be a little while. Shortly there after I guessed that we were kayaking through the Ballard Locks! It was such a wonderful surprise date! We stopped at Trader Joe's to grab lunch, pushed off the kayak into the crystal clear lake water and headed towards the locks. The breeze was warm and the water calm. We enjoyed laughing, talking, and splashing each other just a bit as we paddled each stroke. Before we knew it, we were in the lineup to enter the locks. It was such a fascinating experience especially with the salmon running. A little nervous at first, our little kayak did very well!  Once we got through the locks, we paddled a little further and pulled off to a quaint little beach where we ate our lunch and enjoyed a spectacular water view. 

Our stop wasn't too long as we had to paddle back and drive the hour and a half home to relieve the babysitter. But it is so special to carve out time with the man I fell love with well over 8 years ago.

I'm and thankful for our new tradition. We still go on other dates within the month, but there is something special about being surprised and also surprising the one you love. We have also been more intentional about planning a family day once a week. This family day consists of two hours to a full day of just spending time enjoying life as a family of four! 

Below are a few pictures from our adventure today.

Many Blessings.

Crabs, Coffee & Shrieks in the Night

Camping. America's favorite past time.

A time to rest, reflect, and find reprieve from the normal routine of life. A time to relax as the wind wrestles through the trees. Watching the rays of sun filter through the evergreens overhead.…

...unless you have two children under two!

Yes that is right, we braved our first camping trip as a family of four! I wish I could say that this overnight venture  provided us with the rest, reflection, and reprieve that we were looking for… However when nighttime came things all fell apart.

We arrived promptly at 2:30 PM to the campground for check-in. The grandparents were coming with their fifth-wheel and provided much the comforts that we could not provide ourselves. They thoughtfully brought a second pack and play (which we ended up using!!). They supplied much of the food for our quick overnight camping trip. And our friends supported this crazy venture by letting us borrow a large six person tent... (which thankfully fit two grown adults and two pack and plays). We were set up for success!

When we arrived, our two-year-old was beyond herself. She literally jumped out of her car seat soon as it was unbuckled and began running around the campsite shouting, "run, run, run!" Tripping over tree roots did not even stop her from enjoying being outside! She quickly got up, brushed off her hands, and continue to run. She was even more excited when she saw our new house (our tent) being put up by her daddy. She quickly claimed it as her own. Our seven month old son was placed in a large plastic tub with a pillow behind him just in case he fell backwards. He was fascinated by the trees overhead and the work his daddy was doing.

Before we knew it, our new home for the day and night was set up. The grandparents came shortly after setting up their "home" too. Our daughter was so excited when she saw them pull in, "Papa! Papa's house! PAPA!!"

What could possibly go wrong with so much excitement…

As soon as camp was set up a few short hours later, the boys went out to throw their crab pots in hopes that we would have crab for dinner. This was the beginning of a challenging night.

The boys took longer than expected, arriving back to the campsite well after sunset. We were waiting on them for dinner which would either be crab or hamburgers. Our darling two-year-old was wearing down quickly. Thankful for the microwave in the fifth wheel, we threw in a hotdog and filled her plate with vegetables and fruit. She did not seem too interested in eating...as with the routine the last day and a half. Unsure if she was tired, uninterested in the food we provided or if she was just being a picky toddler, we didn't think much of it. 

After her few bird bites of food, we began her bedtime routine, putting her in the pack and play that the grandparents brought. She settled in nicely without complaint. I was thankful and looking forward to a relaxing evening. As per our typical schedule, our son was put down about an hour and a half after our daughter. With the boys back out on the water to check the crab pots, I was enjoying conversation and two sleeping kids!

… That was until the ice cream man came cruising through our campsite at 8:30 PM! Seriously! Who in their right mind would drive an ice cream truck through a campsite that late at night! It wasn't even that hot outside.  

This was the turning point for our evening. The loud blaring music from the ice cream truck woke my daughter causing a fit of crying.… since she was sharing sleeping space with our son, this caused him to wake up too. 

So, it was 8:30 at night and both kids were back up. With all of the excitement, our two-year-old ended up socializing until about 11 PM. Our son dozed in and out of sleep but was fussy from not only being woken up but also by his top left tooth that was coming in. It was time to bring out the Tylenol! 

By midnight, all four of us were nestled in our tent and asleep. I was awoken 2 1/2 hours later to my two-year-olds shrieks. She had such bad stomach pain and we felt helpless to do anything. As before, her cries woke up our sleeping seven-month-old son (I guess it was OK since I had to nurse him anyway... I justified...but I was really hoping to get just a little more sleep!).

My daughter did not easily calm down. We decided to give her Tylenol, rub her tummy, and cuddle with her as she would let us. Intermittently she would let out big shrieks. Again, feeling helpless, I suggested that my husband take her into the car to see if the change in environment would help. Also I wanted to spare all of the campers surrounding us her shrieks and screams in the early morning hours. So, at 3 AM, my husband carried her to the car, secured her into the car seat, and curled up in the reclined passenger seat with his sleeping bag. And there they stayed the rest of the night. 

My son woke up again at 5:30 and then again at seven. Needless to say I had a very restless night and my husband had very uncomfortable sleeping quarters. I especially felt bad for him since he had to work that same day.

The morning greeted us with a slow wake up, I was thankful for the Keurig machine in the fifth wheel which provided me with a delicious cup of coffee; I was also thankful for the toasty camp fire in the center of our site which provided warmth on a cool summer morning. 

Soon, both of the kids were out of their respective sleeping stations and the grandparents were preparing breakfast. 

Our sweet little family of four had to leave the site at 11 AM so that my husband could arrive on time to his shift at 1 PM. Tired and exhausted, we packed up our things, said our goodbyes, strapped our sleepy children in the backseat, and drove away.

As we were on the way home, we reflected on our short 18-hour camping trip. It certainly could have been a lot worse, but it certainly was not the success that we were hoping for. Although we did not find the rest and relaxation we were looking for, we enjoyed seeing our two children exploring a new environment on our first camping trip as a family of four... 

We might just be crazy, but our second camping trip is coming up in just a few short weeks. We are hoping things go a little differently than this time around but...

Every experience is an opportunity to learn!

Good night.

.

Firehoses & Aimless Driving: Momma Needs a Time-Out

It is only 10:30am and what a day it has been already! The husband decided to go on a hike today. I was scheduled to bring both kids with me to my eye doctor appointment at 9:30am. Oh boy!

This morning I encountered an episode of the terrible two's! Running, hitting and tantrum throwing accompanied getting both kids dressed and fed while packing the diaper bag and loading the car... all in hopes of getting out of the door on time for my eye appointment. (Seriously child, pants are NOT optional, little human, when we leave the house).

Arriving on-time with both kids intact: Mission One Accomplished.

Despite my daughter pulling off all of the pink framed glasses at the eye doctors, things went surprisingly well. With the help of crackers and her toy iPad, she was mostly entertained. My sons sat in his car carrier half asleep and half awake as sister jostled him about in his car seat. It was hard to pay attention to what the doctor was asking as my daughter insisted on the NEED to be in my lap. (I think I answered all of the doctor's questions?)

Completing the eye appointment without children throwing a fit: Mission Two Accomplished.

The reward for being well-behaved at the doctor's office was "fa-fee" at Starbucks. My daughter loves the steamed foam (aka her version of fa-fee -- coffee) and scoops it out with a spoon...getting most in her mouth. I had to nurse my son in the busyness of the Saturday morning at Starbucks, but overall it was success.

As I loaded both the kids in the car after our epic morning adventure, my daughter insisted that she drive the car instead of me. I obviously had to veto this for a variety of reasons which caused a series of more two-year-old tantrums. Reluctantly, I promised her that she could "drive" when we got home.… With the car turned off, keys out of the ignition and parked safely in our driveway.

Getting the kids in their proper seats without losing "it" too much: Mission Three Accomplished.

To be honest, at this point, I needed a mommy time-out. I decided to take an extended route home… Honestly driving way far out of my way just to have a few moments without my little ones needing me to do anything for them. So I drove around in a nearly silent car. I am so thankful for crackers and the library and the "Under the Sea" lift and flap book that we checked out a few days ago. I am so thankful for the still hot cuppa coffee I purchased at Starbucks. And a sleeping baby.

As I drove, I had time to reflect again on my purpose as a mother. I fall short every day at being a stellar mom. Today I overreacted to my daughter's multiple tantrums at home. I used harsh tones and unkind words to her as I was trying to get her dressed (the whole "I don't want to wear pants" thing). And I became frustrated at the littlest things that on a normal day really would not be that big of a deal. As I drove, God reminded me of the things He endured to save me from sin and death. He reminds me daily that in Him I am purpose to be a great mother. When I try to rest on my own strength & I don't rely on his power and His word, I fail... fail miserably. I'm thankful that His mercies are new every day. And I'm also thankful that every day He reveals Himself to me! He also reminds me that He has made me to be the perfect mother for the children that He is given me. So despite all of my shortfalls, my bouts of frustration, and overreactions, my children still love me and God is still showing me His grace.

Refocusing on what REALLY matters: Mission Four Accomplished.

So, I got right with God on my extended, out-of-the-way-home mommy time-out. I apologized to my two-year-old for my "tantrums," and was ready to go back home. I had no plans for today besides the eye appointment. My neck was still a little stiff/sore from a recent trip (...about a week ago I couldn't even move it!) so I figured home would be the best option. As I was driving, I saw a street closed. A small-town street fair!! Literally, a gift from God...to help us all refocus on what is truly important...relationships! Faith into action. I want my kids to know me not only as a loving and fair mother but a FUN momma too! So, impromptu.....street fair! I loaded my kids out of the car yet again. This time my daughter wanted to "run, run, run" while brother lounged in the stroller. The first thing we saw as a police car (lights and all!... the real crowd pleaser) and all of the tactical gear for the kids to touch and learn about. So fun! About a block away was the fire truck! My daughter just laughed and giggled as she climbed inside and sat in the driver's seat. The firefighters even had the hose out for kids to spray a few targets! Oh, what a great way to spend a morning and what great redemption God brings.

Allowing God to work on my heart & loving on my kids by making them a priority: Mission Five Accomplished.

So for all of you mothers out there, you are not alone! When days get long and children get cranky and your temper overflows, just know that God's grace is more than enough! God has gifted us mommas with the ability to endure trials of various kinds for His sake so that He might be glorified in our lives! He gives us moments to stop, pause, reflect and reset. The Holy Spirit is kind and gentle to correct us and even if we fail today..God's mercy and grace renews everyday! So mothers, be encouraged you were not alone. In HIM and with His strength we can do ALL things.

Happy Saturday.