Fish Sticks, Songs and Lots of Cuddles

Tonight I received two priceless, precious gifts.

Days like today can get long. Sure, there are only 24-hours in a day but some days seem longer when the weather is hot (in the 90s!) and the kids get cranky. I admit that I used the TV as a distraction tool today for my two-year-old because I had to take-away pool privileges due to her continually dumping water over her helpless, 7-month-old brother's head. (Poor boy thought he was drowning!)

Fussing and crying were our dinner guests. Apparently baby pureed food seemed more interesting to my two-year-old than her fish sticks....baked in a 425 degree oven I might add.  Wow!! I didn't see that one coming! And of course, after just one spoonful of pureed peas she happily went back to eating her fish sticks. POINT ONE MOM! Phew! Skated through that one.

Bed time for both kids was surprisingly easy....until.....

My daughter woke-up around 8:30pm saying, "Out please. All done. Hung-gee (translated into hungry)." To be honest, she was so sweet about it. How could I possibly turn her down. So, I picked her up out of the crib and she snuggled in tight. My heart melted. I walked with her in my arms to the kitchen and sat her on the countertop for a little post-dinner snack: apple slices, yogurt, a few Cheerios and ice water. She was kind, funny and was generous in sharing her snack with me. (Gotta love those sticky fingered Cheerios).  Soon, it was time to take her back to her crib. It isn't often, but I decided to climb over the crib rail and snuggle for just a few minutes. Her favorite bedtime song is "Jesus Loves Me." As I gently stroked her face and nose, I sang softly her nite-nite song.
When I got to the part, "Yes, Jesus Loves You" I substituted her name for the word "you." As I sang the chorus, she sweetly sang back to me, "Yes, Jesus Loves Mommy. Yes, Jesus Loves Mommy,"

My heart melted again for the second time tonight.

My daughter is my priceless gift #1. 

While all of this was going on, my dear son was needing attention of the same sorts. He must be growing and teething. His comfort? Food. And I am his food source. Another honest moment: there are times when I get a little frustrated at his need to (what feels like) constantly nurse but in the last few weeks my milk supply has begun to drop a bit and I have had to supplement with either formula or stored milk....so tonight, I chose to consider these moments of nursing as a gift rather than an interruption. In the cool of his air conditioned room, I gently rocked and sang as he found comfort from my milk. His sweet little body stopped wiggling around. He threw out his left arm in pure relaxations and just drank. (And at this feeding I had enough to satisfy him!!). When he was done, he rolled his little 18 pound body into my chest, snuggling in as tightly as he could. Falling quickly asleep. I could feel his heart beating. Each breathe he took reminded me of God's faithfulness and His love.

My son in my priceless gift #2.

Even when days get long, it is God that I see. He is my provider, my strength. He allows me to experience these priceless gifts every. single. day. I pray my mind will forever be focused on Him so that I will see these cranky and hot days as nothing short as a miracle from Him.

Good Night.

Purposed for Motherhood

That was not me......never was it my dream or goal, yet it happened....God made it happen. He changed my heart.

From a young age, many girls play "imaginary" cradling her dolls, lovingly changing pretend diapers and dressing baby up for the day. Softly brushing baby's hair and repeatedly putting baby nite-nite. Baby doll in hand, the little mother-figure takes baby shopping while of course making sure baby is secure in the cart.

That was not me....

I could be found (NO JOKE) lining up my dolls, hand on hip, hunched forward, pointer finger out....yell at my dolls.  Don't get me wrong, I did have tender moments with my dollies but they were few and far between. When I came into the "Barbie-stage" things changed and I no longer yelled at my dolls. Instead I played teacher and real estate agent with them, cruising Barbie & Ken around in their magenta Barbie Corvette.

Decades later, I was married. God gifted me with the man of my dreams. He wanted about a million children right after we were married....I was not so sure...

That was not me...

In church on Sunday our Pastor was preaching on John the Baptist, stating that he KNEW his purpose...to prepare the way for the Lord Jesus. As I reflected on his purpose, I struggled with mine. What is my purpose? Am I helping prepare the way for Lord Jesus to be seen and experienced by those in my life?

Over four years, my husband and I struggled with the conversation about having children. Many tears, arguments, sleepless night, chats with our mentors and friends...no resolve. I embraced the "that is not me" attitude and resisted assuming the role as mother. In that fourth year of marriage, God began working on my heart. All of the fears I had about being a mother were selfish, self-centered, focused on my ability to perform and fulfill the "PTA-always perfect-top cookie Mom-always prepared-always have it together" mom stereotype the world had projected on me.

I was finally at a point to start trying for a family...hesitantly starting the very delicate conversation with my husband. I was still struggling with the "that is not me" attitude but I began to open my heart up to the Lord....one month later....GUESS WHAT!?!?! I was pregnant.

To be honest, I struggles with the positive pregnancy test results. I looked in disbelief at the two  little pink lines...God had purposed me for motherhood (yet I was still unsure). Nine-months later, I had my sweet little daughter in my arms, overcoming the fears that I had about not being a good-enough mother.

Eight-months later, I was pregnant with our second, after God's prompting and direction to start trying for a second baby (which, just like the first, look only a month).

As of now, my daughter is just shy of her 2-year birthday and my son is 6-months young. The past two years have certainly been a struggle, trying to embrace my new identity and role; being responsible for teaching my young how to follow Jesus in such a crooked world; balancing motherhood, marriage, full-time work and church involvement. 

It is a tough job yet someone I find it so rewarding...
                   WOW...did I just say...."REWARDING?!?!"

I never thought I would find pleasure in teaching my almost 2-year old the alphabet, numbers, bible verses; teaching her to say please and thank-you; showing her how to put a puzzle together and then a day later (without help) seeing her put the same puzzle together. With my son, seeing him learn to reach for objects, crawl backwards and start "talking." I have even began to consider (please note: CONSIDER) homeschooling....another WOW, considering I told my husband, 'ABSOLUTELY NOT!" about three years ago.

Through the sermon on Sunday, God revealed his purpose for me: I am purposed for Motherhood. It is sometimes hard to embrace fully, to fully understand...does this mean I should have more kids? adopt? pour into the kids I have? pour into other kids? ..... I am still seeking answers from the Lord on these questions, but it is amazing that God so clearly changed my heart from 4-years ago, my "that is not me attitude" to entertaining the idea of having a third child (and even homeschooling).

God is amazing how He works. He brings us close to Him when we surrender our will in exchange for His will to rule in our hearts. It might be a process, but allow Him to do it!

So I leave you with this..... what is your "that is not me" attitude that needs to be surrender to the Lord? 

You just never know what He has purposed for you...

Day 8 of Self-Denial

Today marks day 8... day 8 of obedience, disciple, trust and faith in the Lord. ...day 8 of self-denial, strict steadfastness and the ability to say, "NO" multiple times a day. It has been a week of denying the flesh and learning to abide in Him for my strength...

Day 8 of no coffee, soda, caffeine...the only drink: H20.

Of course I still consumed food but last week I was convicted that mainly coffee was my "go-to" for strength and reliance to get though some pretty difficult days. I would wake up in the morning...first thing: COFFEE! (Let the kids scream for just a few more minutes...I just need ONE sip and the world will be made right).

About mid-morning: "I can't handle this. I need an escape. A sense of peace: coffee."

Running errands: "It has been a tough day. Let me just treat myself to a little (okay...16 ounce, triple shot) Americano.

Anyone see a pattern here??!

While I was driving to visit a friends last Saturday, God convicted me of this pattern (as I was sipping a cup of coffee on my one-hour drive). He reminded me that HE is my ONLY source. He should be my ONLY strength. He should be my sense of peace in a world of chaos.

It was hard at first (and my husband thought that I was crazy for not wanting my morning coffee...and he did not know about my vow to God to deny these beverages for a week). When I found myself tempted, Jesus would remind me of the strength HE has given me to endure. He reminded me that He alone has given me all I need to handle daily challenges as I walk in relationship with Him. He reminded me that anything that causes me not to rely on Him is sin. He reminded me that my children (knowingly or unknowingly) watch the patterns of my life and will eventually copy what I do. So I denied myself. Every. Single. Day.... for 7 days (and counting).

It is a good feeling to know that God gave me the gift of restraint. It is a picture for all areas of my life (eating, exercising, etc) that I need to rely on Him for more discipline. You know... all those things we know we should be doing but just can't seem to either do or get under control or find time for.

God is the ultimate satisfaction. In denying the flesh I found that I actually had more time to serve Him. I had more energy to chase around my toddler and care for my 6-month old (even though I encountered some sleepless nights over this past week). I found myself somewhat free from the bondage of "needing" something other than God. I am not sure how long this caffeine fast will last (I might just get a cup of coffee today), but the end result is drawing closer to Jesus. The goal of our live is to glorify Him and if anything is distracting us from that goal we need to be bold enough to say NO...move on and deny ourselves so that Jesus can be glorified in every action, thought and attitude.

To God be the Glory, forever and ever.

Why I turned off the baby monitor...

Since August of 2014 I have had the buzz of a baby monitor next to my ear on my night stand. I needed it for comfort, to spy on my first born, able to care for every and any need she may have during the dark hours of the night. Soon we added a sound machine to her room...adding either crashing waves, whales "talking" or the sound of a "delightful" tropical rain. Needless to say it took me a while to get use to each noise. My sleep was already lacking due to her demanding nighttime feeding schedule especially in those early months. 

About 11 months after she was born we moved her downstairs so that we could redecorate her nursery to accommodate baby #2. OF COURSE I HAD to have the baby monitor on now that she was ALLLLLLL the way downstairs...the restless nights continued not because she was still waking during the night but rather because the sounds coming from the machine that was helping her fall asleep was waking me during the night. But I still insisted that the baby monitor stay on....just in case.

When baby boy arrived in December 2016 we purchased a second camera for our baby monitor. Now I could spy on BOTH of them as the screen rotated to allow the picture and sound of each room to come through the unit. The sound machine in my daughter's room has been replaced by the babbling filter of a fish tank and my son's room is graced with the sounds of a VERY loud air conditioning unit (since it only gets to be about a million degrees on the top floor during our recent summer heat spell). In addition, the demanding nighttime feeding are back and so is the lack of sleep. Seriously....two nights ago my "sweet" little 6-month old was practically up from 12:45am-5:30am!

So I decided... ENOUGH IS A ENOUGH!

Do I really need to hear every restless sound of each child? Those moments where they toss and turn in their sleep which wake me up. Or the times when my daughter randomly wakes up in the middle of the night and starts signing then falls back asleep? And my baby boy? Well, come on...let's face it. His nursery is seriously not EVEN 50 feet away from our bed! If he cries loud enough I know I will hear him.

So from their pediatricians prompting and for my own sanity, I have decided to turn off the baby monitor....and feel NO guilt. It has actually allowed me to get a bit more sleep and for my children (mainly my 6-month old) to soothe themselves back to sleep from those small little tosses and turned.

After two years of a constant buzz in my ear (not to the mention their sweet little "buzzes" all day, everyday), I have silence when I go to sleep. And that is why I turned off the baby monitor....for sanity. sleep. peace. Pure bliss my friends, pure bliss!

My children are my mission field

Being a mom is no joke. We endure sleepless nights, dirty-diapers and back-talking toddlers. Our new "perfume" is free of charge consisting of spit up, splattered sweet pureed green beans and my most favorite (ugh!!) poop! Nights seem long and days offer little relief as the duties of a mother are 24/7...there are no real vacations or sick days, moments of silence or moments of pure relaxation. Even when we do get a "break" we are either worrying about our littles or replaying the conversation with the sitter to make sure we told them every little important detail about caring for our children. Most days we feel like we are either losing our minds or losing our patience (seriously, JUST PUT ON YOUR SHOES!).

Then...what is the point?

God has called us mothers to the important job of raising up the next generation, teaching them and training them in HIS ways. It is easy to rely on the earthly pleasures to help us endure (um...can I get another cup of coffee, please?!). But ultimately, our rest and strength are gained when we abide in HIM and in HIM only. He is teaching us mothers sacrifice in a way that we have never understood before. He is allowing us to be pruned and trimmed so that we can bear more fruit in the proper season. Pruning hurts. It is difficult. "WHEN WILL THIS FRUIT COME?!?!" I scream under my tongue on most days but then I realize the fruit is growing and the roots are being planted deep.

I am not the same person I was two years ago...the person pre-toddler and baby. My focus and conversations have change. My passions are still there but are less of a priority as they once were. My daily goal (amidst not falling asleep on my dinner plate) is to display and teach Christ to my children...in every interaction I have with them and those around me.

My children are my mission field.

Just as a missionary is called overseas to an unreached people group, I realize that God has gifted me with my children who need training, discipling, and who need to be taught the love of Jesus in practical ways. It might not be in Africa or Asia. It might not be in a small grass hut or a large unreached Eurpoean city. But God is teaching me to grow where I am planted...to not long for what I don't have (or what I did have)... to not compare to myself to those formed days when my life was so drastically different...to not complain but embrace this very difficult season...to not rely on anything but HIM for my strength and endurance...above all to be in prayer, handing over my life to HIM so that HE can do His work in me so that I can teach, guide and lead my children.

So, although it may not seem like it in those looooooooong sleepless nights (Oh, wait? Is it day already?!) God is doing a new thing in you. Do not lose hope. He has a plan and a destiny for you. He works all things (did you get that...ALL things) together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Mothers, embrace your purpose knowing that God is able to supply EVERYTHING you need in the hard seasons of motherhood! God loves you more than you know.

Please Forgive Me

Dearest Friends-

Please forgive me. After much evaluation and prayer, I have come to realize that my priorities have been all wrong.

Forgive me for not inviting you over for a cup of tea or coffee...but when I did, I profusely apologized for the dishes piled in my sink, the toys strewn across the living room floor or the basket of unfolded laundry.

Forgive me for not texting you back or returning your phone calls...but when I did, I over-dramatized the difficulty of  my life and made excuses about why your efforts to reach out to me were not returned.

Forgive me for my thoughtlessness...instead of thinking how I might be able to serve you as I ran errands, my mind was focused more at the long list of my "to-dos" instead of serving you, my brothers and sisters.

Forgive me for my lack of effort...instead of being willing to meet you, I have asked you to meet me at my home or simply said my schedule was just too busy (which at times it has been).

Although this season of motherhood is hard and despite my house being a bit of a mess (how can it not be with two kids under two plus two fill-time working parents!!), there is no good excuse for my lack of effort and lack of graciousness towards you. I have been really thinking about my purpose in life and the only repeated theme is to GLORIFY GOD. Yes, God does desire me to glorify Him through caring for the THINGS, possessions, He has given me but really when it comes down to it, it is relationships that really matter.

The Bible mentions time again about the little value our stuff actually has. It is easy to get caught up in wanting to obtain more, have better/newer house decorations, more stylish clothes...more! MORE! MORE! As I go through the book "UnStuffed" by Ruth Soukup, I realize that I was actually starting to suffocate and drown in my sea of stuff. On the surface, my house seemed organized but you did not see the pile of platters brimming out of my cabinets or the box full of "too small" clothes that I just couldn't get rid of. The duplicates of unused office supplies. The pile of books I would never read again but just could not get rid of.....All of this stuff made it easy for me to make up excuses about why I could not meet with friends or have them over...."I have too much laundry to catch up on." "I have to clean my house." "Naptime is two hours away, I just can't make it."

Excuse after excuse I let my physical stuff overrule my life and my "stuffed" schedule made it easy to say no to making friends a priority. I clearly had it ALL wrong!

Over the last month, I have been going through my house...room by room, drawer by drawer, cupboard by cupboard. I set a "get-rid-of" limit per section and created a "get-rid-of" station where all the unwanted items would be placed for donation. At first the process was slow...almost emotional at times but I did it. After about 1-month, I was able to comb through my whole house making donations trips throughout the weeks.

On Mother's Day, for the first time I can remember, I walked into my house after a day away and I actually sighed a BIG sigh....."I'm Home!" I thought. My home has become more comfortable with less stuff. My mind did not float to all of the things I had to do or had to clean or had to organize....I was simply home! It was an amazing feeling.

This journey to becoming uncluttered, unstuffed and more of a minimalist is certainly not over. It takes intention to define what I want my home to be used for and what physical possessions I keep to  accomplish those goals. It takes protecting my schedule and being mindful about my priorities and keeping those items a priority...like most good things it takes effort and intention.

So, please forgive me for all of the above mentioned. If you have struggled with any or all of the things mentioned above, please join me! Please join me in creating a more comfortable home by getting rid of our over abundance. Join me in reviewing the weekly schedules of our families to make the true priorities...the TRUE priorities. And lastly, but most importantly, please join me as we attempt to glorify God in every attitude and action.

As we stand together, we can accomplish much, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed." Ecc. 4:9

Product Testing: Reusable KCup

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What could be better tasting, more cost-effective and save the planet from those plastic K cups? The answer is the reusable kcup! I have been highly enjoying this gift from influencer. It allows me to use my favorite coffee, save time waiting in the line at a local coffee shop, and it allows me to support local business by purchasing ground coffee from my favorite coffee place.