Tues., March 28: Day 1-Bed Rest
The first day of bed rest was a bit of a fail for me. But to be honest, I tried. The day started with opening day of spring quarter...I was able to get my classes prepped in the hospital the day before. I contacted all those who needed to know about my newly found condition and medical recommendation of bed rest. This certainly added to the stress of the morning but it was of the foremost important to take care of. Following some emails, we took the kids for their scheduled haircuts. Our little SEH looks so big with his hair short. He did great! Abe was excited to sit in the airplane for her haircut and was even more excited about the purple bow they put in afterwards. After this little outing, the kids got dropped off at Gram-Grams house. The husband and I went to run a few errands. In the Chick-fil-A drive through I finally broke down.
In only one day, I found myself struggling not to pick up my 15-month old son...feeling like I have to choose between my two boys. My 2 1/2 year old is a little easier since she can climb up and cuddle on her own. Being in pain, processing through the gravity of the situation, somehow feeling like a failure...all things I struggled with. I know that God is on my side and that He knew all of this would happen but it does not make the emotions go away. In the moments of this first day, I felt like I was failing everyone...my role as a wife, a mom, a friend, and teacher. By the end of the day, I had processed through many of these emotions and was ready for day 2 of my bed rest.
Wed., March 29: Day 2- Bed Rest
The fluid in my belly seems to be getting bigger. It is more difficult to walk, a bit more difficult to breath and overall hard to manage even the simple tasks of everyday life. Our friends picked up the kids, per our Wednesday routine, and the hubs and I were off to draft our will. This was something we had scheduled to do months before but it got pushed back and rescheduled until lucky day 2 of bed rest. The meeting was only about an hour but it was physically painful to sit through. My body ached and my heart hurt thinking about what could happen to our children. The timing was probably not the best but it needed to be done. Waddling out of the office, we decided to have a quick lunch at Shari's. During our meal we again processed through the birth plan (calling 911 if anything happened, possible complications, etc.) and discussing what it might be like to have a NICU baby.
Although it was difficult to sit, walk, and sleep without pain, we felt loved today. Two friends dropped off heat pads while three others dropped off food and treats to our family. It was so refreshing to have chats with each one, taking my mind off of all of the future unknowns.
We know the Creator of the Universe has control over it all...it is just embracing that thought every moment.
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