Yet a life as a Christian (and a woman at that) tells a different story.
Here is what God is showing me (then I will tell you what this means to me):
- I must be dependent on God not be independent as the world calls.
- I am made with a purpose, gifted to be used by God. I can do what God has created me to do/become and within that there is great freedom as I press into the gifts and talents HE has given me.
- Jesus said that HE is the way, the truth and the life. He IS the path so what path would I make for myself that would be any better than the one Christ has already made for me, specifically, and for us as collective believers.
- The OT says that the heart is deceitfully wicked above all things (so why would I want to follow my own heart/desires?) Doing so could lead to death of sorts (physical, emotional, relational, financial, etc.).
These things I have been pondering durning the SS blog series. Since I don't teach at the university during the summer my attention has focused on God and supporting my family while healing from all the events of this past year. I have realized, once again, that I have began to lose a little more of who I am as an individual to become what the world wants me to be (what I think I should be...the epitome of fulfilling the stereotypical roles of a woman, wife, mother, working-professional, friend, neighbor...you get the picture). My focus has been on being the best wife I can be to my husband of eight years and the best mother I can be to my three children. In the mix of that, my focus has been on keeping our household afloat: dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, planning for my upcoming year of teaching, our upcoming year of ministry and thinking about/preparing for our fall schedule: preschool, ballet, swim and gymnastics lessons. My mind is like an Internet web browser with a million tabs open. Then I realized, in this process I have forgotten to dream a little, to set personal, achievable goals for myself. But, is it really that important?
The bigger question is who is God and what has HE created me to be and do.
I recently started a new bible study questing to deepen my relationship with God. Without this (my focus on Christ) as my foundation, I can do nothing. For in Him, I live and move and have my being (Acts 17:28).
In this moment I am called to support my husband as we make some very big decisions about his work and other future possibilities on the horizon. I am called to submit to his leadership, as Christ describes in Scripture. I am to be supportive, be in prayer, offer my opinions and impressions and then let God do what God does best...direct our future. Of course, we are playing our part, yet ultimately God will prevail.
I put the needs of my children after the needs of my husband. How is their health? Do they have what they need to function in this world? Are their tummies full, minds thinking and bodies active? The needs of a 4-year old, 2 1/2 year old and 15-month old are vast yet each need is important to address. And even more important than all of those items mentioned above, how is their relationship with Christ? In what ways can I better re-present Christ and invite them into the most important friendship and partnership of all--with Christ! This is the second thing to occupy my mind.
The third is our household: what to cook... that is nine times a day (minus snacks) that these three mouths need food in them. NINE! (3 kids, 3 meals a day) The result is a lot of time in the kitchen: planning, prepping, serving, cleaning. In addition to potty-training and a lot of outside play, laundry during the summer seems to be a daily or bi-daily activity. In this, I can refocus on thanksgiving! So much sweetness comes from the kitchen. I am BLESSED to have such a time as this to serve my children and show them the practical love of Jesus.
Then comes service and friendships outside my nuclear family unit. It is in these sweet moments of connection with extended family, friends or another mother (or in meeting a need someone in the Body has), I am recharged, fulfilled and overjoyed to play a small but significant role in the lives of those Christ has called me to be in fellowship with. Putting feet to my faith.
There are other things that float in and out of my day and at the end of the day mostly "not thinking" after 7pm when hopefully all three kids are down for the night and my husband is working late, I reflect. I think of the sweet moments I had with my husband and with each kid. I survey my almost-clean house and smile as I imagine the leaps, giggles and squeals of a days worth of play. I glance to the dining room and thank God for the conversations around the dining table. I breath. I sigh. I rejoice. I am blessed. I usually then start to fold a load of clothes or put dishes away while a Netflix show runs in the background for noise sake. God, thank you for this complex life. This tension of duality: surrender and serve or selfishly pursue my own ambitions.
I pause...
My life is a JOY! God has blessed me with these three little humans, each one having grown so closely inside my womb and now He has grown them into these precious beautiful little people! The husband I serve works diligently at following the Lord, pouring all he can into our family and household while working at a very difficult and sometimes very emotional job. By His grace, we have a beautiful, cozy home that meets all of our needs and more. I love my profession as a university lecturer and find great satisfaction in teaching hundreds of students a year.
I pray all who reads this will reflect on the goodness of LIFE (Zoe) found only in HIM (the Creator). There are many tough days (and tough moments that create those days) but I am learning what matters is my foundation and my focus. "For in HIM, we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28.
Be blessed as you partake in His goodness for you, trusting that His ways and path are always the best.
The bigger question is who is God and what has HE created me to be and do.
I recently started a new bible study questing to deepen my relationship with God. Without this (my focus on Christ) as my foundation, I can do nothing. For in Him, I live and move and have my being (Acts 17:28).
In this moment I am called to support my husband as we make some very big decisions about his work and other future possibilities on the horizon. I am called to submit to his leadership, as Christ describes in Scripture. I am to be supportive, be in prayer, offer my opinions and impressions and then let God do what God does best...direct our future. Of course, we are playing our part, yet ultimately God will prevail.
I put the needs of my children after the needs of my husband. How is their health? Do they have what they need to function in this world? Are their tummies full, minds thinking and bodies active? The needs of a 4-year old, 2 1/2 year old and 15-month old are vast yet each need is important to address. And even more important than all of those items mentioned above, how is their relationship with Christ? In what ways can I better re-present Christ and invite them into the most important friendship and partnership of all--with Christ! This is the second thing to occupy my mind.
The third is our household: what to cook... that is nine times a day (minus snacks) that these three mouths need food in them. NINE! (3 kids, 3 meals a day) The result is a lot of time in the kitchen: planning, prepping, serving, cleaning. In addition to potty-training and a lot of outside play, laundry during the summer seems to be a daily or bi-daily activity. In this, I can refocus on thanksgiving! So much sweetness comes from the kitchen. I am BLESSED to have such a time as this to serve my children and show them the practical love of Jesus.
Then comes service and friendships outside my nuclear family unit. It is in these sweet moments of connection with extended family, friends or another mother (or in meeting a need someone in the Body has), I am recharged, fulfilled and overjoyed to play a small but significant role in the lives of those Christ has called me to be in fellowship with. Putting feet to my faith.
There are other things that float in and out of my day and at the end of the day mostly "not thinking" after 7pm when hopefully all three kids are down for the night and my husband is working late, I reflect. I think of the sweet moments I had with my husband and with each kid. I survey my almost-clean house and smile as I imagine the leaps, giggles and squeals of a days worth of play. I glance to the dining room and thank God for the conversations around the dining table. I breath. I sigh. I rejoice. I am blessed. I usually then start to fold a load of clothes or put dishes away while a Netflix show runs in the background for noise sake. God, thank you for this complex life. This tension of duality: surrender and serve or selfishly pursue my own ambitions.
I pause...
My life is a JOY! God has blessed me with these three little humans, each one having grown so closely inside my womb and now He has grown them into these precious beautiful little people! The husband I serve works diligently at following the Lord, pouring all he can into our family and household while working at a very difficult and sometimes very emotional job. By His grace, we have a beautiful, cozy home that meets all of our needs and more. I love my profession as a university lecturer and find great satisfaction in teaching hundreds of students a year.
I pray all who reads this will reflect on the goodness of LIFE (Zoe) found only in HIM (the Creator). There are many tough days (and tough moments that create those days) but I am learning what matters is my foundation and my focus. "For in HIM, we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28.
Be blessed as you partake in His goodness for you, trusting that His ways and path are always the best.
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