Growing a boy: Bed Rest Day 4 (Bad News Day)

Friday, March 31: Bed Rest Day 4... 33 weeks pregnant!

In the dark of my hospital room, I sit here in silence reflecting on all of the news we have heard today. Having thought yesterday was emotional and chaotic, today was NOTHING in comparison...it was much worse.

I slept fitfully during the night. The longest stretch of sleep was probably two hours. On top of everything else we are processing, we are both fighting a cold! This makes it difficult to breath or stay asleep for long periods of time. Often I wake-up gasping for air because of either contractions or this icky cold. I was put on a liquid only diet until morning... just in case a c-section was needed. I was starving. The last time I ate was a few bites of a sandwich around 1pm yesterday before I was told to stop eating again. My mind was racing from the chaos of the day before.

As dawn approached, I sat in my bed wondering what today would hold. Knowing we would have a follow-up ultrasound today, at 6am Tyler asked me if we had one scheduled. I called the nurse and to our surprise, they got us in first thing at 7am! A miracle. We had to wait for the results (and I had to wait to eat!) until we received the ultrasound report around 9am. The news was not favorable. The results displayed possible fluid in baby boy's tummy. Also, my AFI went from 57 to about 41...this is good but in 24-hours where did this fluid go? In 24-hours, why did baby start to display fluid in his stomach when nothing appeared in the ultrasound yesterday? The ultrasound sent up many red flags.

Because of these initial results, we ran around today get more testing done. I had yet another blood draw to test for possible infections (my poor veins!); we were taken across the street to get an ultrasound done on baby's heart to rule out congestive heart failure among other things; and our third ultrasound of the day looked at his brain to see if he is anemic. Seeing the trajectory going towards having baby early, we stopped at the NICU for a quick tour to process the fact that our sweet boy would end up being cared for in that unit for several weeks.

It seemed at each point throughout the day more and more questions arose. In the heart ultrasound taken later in the day, it appeared baby may have fluid also in his lungs in addition to more fluid than previously seen on the ultrasound this morning. Once we were back in our room the specialist came in to talk with us about all of the days results. Around 4:30pm we finally learned what all of this information really meant. The tests all came back negative for probable reasons why this was happening until we learned about hydrops. Defined as:

Hydrops fetalis (fetal hydrops) is a serious fetal condition defined as abnormal accumulation of fluid in 2 or more fetal compartments, including ascites, pleural effusion, pericardial effusion, and skin edema. In some patients, it may also be associated with polyhydramnios and placental edema. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/974571-overview

From the above description, this is obviously a very serious condition. He is not currently diagnosed with hydrops but all of the indicators are point that way. We really won't know until he is born what is exactly wrong with him but we were told he has a 50/50 chance of survival.

HE HAS A 50/50 CHANCE OF SURVIVAL...

He will end up in the NICU for several weeks, if he survives. He may need chest tubes and a stomach drain. If his lungs are not doing well, he maybe intubated. He may need surgery if they find blockages in his esophagus and/or intestines (or other areas of concern). So many more unknowns

But here is the silver lining:

• He appears to be a big baby for his age (6-7 pounds at just 33 weeks)...sizing might be wrong due to the amount of fluid in my belly.
• I received steroid shots earlier in the week to help his lungs develop
• We are in a controlled hospital environment in case anything should happen...they can quickly get baby out.
• And most importantly, we have GOD ON OUR SIDE!!! This increases our "odds" because if God wants this baby to survive then he will despite the medical odds! This brings us great comfort. 

It has been an extremely hard day to process the news we received and I don't think we have fully grasped it. However, we know we are covered in prayer and that God is WAY bigger than anything we face.

SO here is the plan:

• Try to keep baby in until I am 34 weeks...gives him a better chance of breathing on his own and physically be able to handle what this world will give him.
• We will have another ultrasound on Sunday to determine if/how these fluid levels have changed...in my belly and in his belly/lungs.
• If at any point my water breaks, I dilate past 3cm or if baby is in distress, it calls for an immediate c-section. There are teams on standby.
• If we make it until Thursday, we will have another ultrasound in preparation for our Friday morning c-section.

How are we doing:

• Tyler:
• Physically: he is sick, fighting off this cold, coughing a lot, exhausted...its hard to sleep on the little pull out bed in the hospital room.
• Emotionally: he is slowly processing through the events of the past few days. With is medical knowledge I think he worries about it more than me simply because he knows more. He is doing a wonderful job at supporting me. I have encouraged him to leave the hospital twice to help with becoming too stir crazy. 
• Overall, he is fighting the good fight.
• Brandi:
• Physically: contractions suck. Often times I cannot always feel them because my belly is so full of fluid. It is hard to move around because of all the extra fluid weight I am carrying. I try to get up to "walk" every hour or so (and by walk I mean either a few circles in our room or if I am really brave I walk to down the hall two rooms and come back). I am still exhausted. Between contractions, the excess fluid, and baby moving it is very difficult to get comfortable. I literally have about 8 or 9 pillows on my hospital bed. It is frustrating to feel so sleep deprived while dealing with all this news. I also have to be monitored for at least 30 min. every 4-hours...contractions and baby's heartbeat. This is not my favorite or most comfortable part of the day but highly necessary.
• Emotionally: I felt like I took today surprisingly well despite the 50/50 outcome. I am processing what it might be like WHEN he survives but also preparing myself for the possible scenario if he doesn't. I feel well loved and supported. I do miss our other two littles but I am thankful they will visit us tomorrow, Saturday.

So, what can you do?

• Many friends have been asking, "what can we do?"
• Pray! Get all your friends to pray! We believe in the power of Jesus to heal our little boy! He is knitting baby in my womb just the way He wants and we need to trust that God never makes mistakes...no matter the outcome.
• Text messages: Although we might not reply to each one individually (or at all) it is WONDERFUL to know that you are indeed praying for us.
• Short visits without kids. At this time we are limiting visitors to about 1 or 2 per day. It can add stress if kiddos come along as well as possibly more sick germs so we ask that you don't bring them into the hospital room. If you would like to visit, please let us know! We love getting "breaks" from this hospital life. Know that if you do visit, we might ask you to leave if Brandi has to get monitored, checked or if one of our doctors comes in.
• Meals/Snacks: at this time we do not "need" food HOWEVER...at day 3 hospital food is already getting bland and boring for me and Tyler usually has to run to the cafeteria for food and snacks. We have a small refrigerator in our room with access to a microwave down the hall. :)
• Ideas to pass the time: we brought one board game and have already watched what feels like a million hours of TV (if you know us we hardly watch TV) so feel free to bring any ideas/activities to help us pass the time.

Okay...that that was a long blog but I think the most telling of where we are with the current situation. I will try my best to keep everyone updated with daily blogs...really just depends on what is happening. We can't thank you enough for joining in this journey with us.

Stay tuned...more to come (hopefully)....

Growing a boy: Bed Rest Day 3

Thurs., March 30 Day 3: Bed Rest in the Hospital

I am writing this a day later so I may not remember all of the details but either way, it was a very long, stressful and emotional day.

Around 4:30am I called Tyler up to our room because I was feeling SO HUGE and was having so many long and painful contractions. I literally felt like I would pop my bag of water at any minute from straining to sit up in bed or by walking to the bathroom. We called L&D at the hospital, and of course they recommended that we come in (especially in light of my previous hospitalization). In some ways I felt like I was being silly, worrying too much about what was probably nothing. However, I was reminded that I was not only responsible for my life but my growing son's life too. This convinced me to go in. We called my parents and Papa came over quickly to be with the kids as they slept, knowing that we would probably be in the hospital the whole day. Papa was more than happy to help out in this way!

When we got to OB-Triage, I was given an exam. No dilation changes from our previous visit, however, the contractions were not letting up despite the medications I was taking. They thought it was best that I stay for observation, thinking a c-section was in my near future. To confirm baby's position, I was taken for an ultrasound around 7:00am. Afterwards, they moved us back to room 227...close to the OR and equipped with a wonderful jetted tub (of which I took full advantage of). We received the results of the ultrasound as I was given IV fluids. Baby looked 6/8 on their scale. Not too bad considering all of the fluid I had in my belly. We also learned that I gained 7 more cm of fluid from the ultrasound taken...moving me from 50 to 57 AFI. Crazy!

Around 12 pm it was determined that I no longer needed a one-on-one nurse and I was moved down the hall to a different room. During this transition the chaos and emotions of the day began to unfold. There were many doctors and nurses stating that I was for sure getting a c-section at 2pm (the next available time). Others said that being 32w6days, baby needed to stay in my belly for as long as possible. They went back and forth about what might or might not occur and if I could eat or not eat. There was so much confusion that it caused Tyler and I a lot of stress--trying to listen to the doctors while figuring out what was best for baby boy. By the end of the night we were both so frustrated, exhausted and still did not have many answers.

I was thankful for the 8pm distraction of Grey's Anatomy followed by pain medicine that would help me fall asleep in addition to helping with my pain. I was done with Thursday....until we learned all the scary news that Friday would bring.

Stay tuned to hear the shocking and scary news we received about our baby boy on Friday.

Growing a boy: Bed Rest Days 1 & 2

Tues., March 28: Day 1-Bed Rest
The first day of bed rest was a bit of a fail for me. But to be honest, I tried. The day started with opening day of spring quarter...I was able to get my classes prepped in the hospital the day before. I contacted all those who needed to know about my newly found condition and medical recommendation of bed rest. This certainly added to the stress of the morning but it was of the foremost important to take care of. Following some emails, we took the kids for their scheduled haircuts. Our little SEH looks so big with his hair short. He did great! Abe was excited to sit in the airplane for her haircut and was even more excited about the purple bow they put in afterwards. After this little outing, the kids got dropped off at Gram-Grams house. The husband and I went to run a few errands. In the Chick-fil-A drive through I finally broke down.

In only one day, I found myself struggling not to pick up my 15-month old son...feeling like I have to choose between my two boys. My 2 1/2 year old is a little easier since she can climb up and cuddle on her own. Being in pain, processing through the gravity of the situation, somehow feeling like a failure...all things I struggled with. I know that God is on my side and that He knew all of this would happen but it does not make the emotions go away. In the moments of this first day, I felt like I was failing everyone...my role as a wife, a mom, a friend, and teacher. By the end of the day, I had processed through many of these emotions and was ready for day 2 of my bed rest.


Wed., March 29: Day 2- Bed Rest
The fluid in my belly seems to be getting bigger. It is more difficult to walk, a bit more difficult to breath and overall hard to manage even the simple tasks of everyday life. Our friends picked up the kids, per our Wednesday routine, and the hubs and I were off to draft our will. This was something we had scheduled to do months before but it got pushed back and rescheduled until lucky day 2 of bed rest. The meeting was only about an hour but it was physically painful to sit through. My body ached and my heart hurt thinking about what could happen to our children. The timing was probably not the best but it needed to be done. Waddling out of the office, we decided to have a quick lunch at Shari's. During our meal we again processed through the birth plan (calling 911 if anything happened, possible complications, etc.) and discussing what it might be like to have a NICU baby.

Although it was difficult to sit, walk, and sleep without pain, we felt loved today. Two friends dropped off heat pads while three others dropped off food and treats to our family. It was so refreshing to have chats with each one, taking my mind off of all of the future unknowns.

We know the Creator of the Universe has control over it all...it is just embracing that thought every moment.

Growing a boy: Pre-Term Labor & 26-Hours in the Hospital

At 32-weeks pregnant, I found myself driving to the hospital alone leaving my two other kids at home with our helper. It was Sunday, March 26th around 1:30pm. Thankfully the hospital I was going to happened to be the hospital that my husband was working at for the day...blessed me!!

As I drove in to the ER parking lot, I hit every white valet cone in sight. Since it was the weekend the valet was closed, I was having contractions, and I had to idea where to park...it was quiet the scene. My husband was waiting for me and quickly walked up to the car. I immediately began to cry: 1) because I hit every-single-white-cone and 2) I was having a pretty big contraction. He told me to put the car in park, walk inside and that he would meet me at the ER check-in desk.

A few moments later, I was checked in and experienced the "roll of shame" as I was wheeled in a wheelchair past all of his co-workers in the ER up to Labor & Delivery. It was an awkward moment. I felt silly. I didn't want to make a big deal out of anything. And really did not want the extra attention.

The check-in process was quick once we reached our room. My vitals were taken, history reported, and a quick initial exam. Both baby ad I were put on the monitor to measure his heartbeat and my contractions. During this time, my contractions had not reduced in pain which greatly concerned the L&D staff. When they checked to see if I was dilated, I was already at 3cm and 50% effaced!! WOW....with 8 more weeks to go in this pregnancy?! How was that going to work out?

To be on the safe side, they gave me 2 bags of IV fluids, a steroid shot to help develop baby's lungs (just in case he had to be born early) and another injection to help slow contractions. After a few hours I was feeling pretty good. Contractions had slowed. I felt as normal as a pregnant woman could feel. I was ready to go home. The discharge paperwork was completed around 7pm. My prescription for anti-contraction medicine had been ordered, picked up and paid for. I was just waiting to get the okay from the doctor.

Of course, after I was officially discharged on paper, my contractions started back up again! Frustrating. I just won myself an overnight observation in the hospital.

Overall, the night was uneventful. The higher dose of anti-contraction meds seemed to have helped along with Tylenol and another pain medication. I was able to soak in the wonderful jacuzzi tub that was in the room, prepare my three courses I would start teaching on Tuesday, and have no other job than to relax and focus on growing baby boy. I also had to get a second steroid injection per protocol.

The afternoon of my discharge, Monday, changed my understanding regarding my medical condition and the affects on baby. My doctor came in, sat bedside and began to explain just how serious what I just experienced really was. She began to explain to me that our baby boy, if born before 36 weeks will end up in the NICU. She described the various complications to my water breaking...pre-mature birth, prolapsed umbilical cord, placental abruption. These are no longer just bullet points I read on some website last week...these are real scenarios that could come into play as my son enters the world. I was terrified as I processed through and began to understand the gravity of each contraction I was having and each movement my son made which might cause my water to break...after all, she explained it to me this way...

"Your uterus is like a water balloon being over filled and stretched; at some point, it just won't take the pressure any more and it will pop...we just don't know when or how or what complication will arise. You just have to be ready."  

What do you do with that type of information? I am 32 weeks pregnant. Carrying an overfilled water balloon that could literally pop at any minute....

•  Being told:
• Just hang on for at least 6-more weeks
• If you have more than 4-5 contractions per hour take your anti-contraction meds
• If you start to bleed come in to the hospital
• If you water breaks call 911 immediately
• If you start to do this then do that
• Don't forget to ____ to stop ____
• Oh and bedrest.

Information overload.

I went home feeling encouraged and discouraged all at the same time. When I was being wheeled out of the hospital, stopped at the elevators, there was a 34-week baby in an incubator being taken to the NICU. I began to cry and feel motivated all at the same time to strictly follow the doctor's orders. I want to keep this baby inside as long as possible.

The next posts will focus on the first few days of my bed rest "sentence" and how we are handling everything emotionally and physically.  Stay tuned...

Growing a boy: Baby Sprinkle and the Decision

On Saturday, Mar. 25, I had the most beautiful baby sprinkle. It could not have come at a more perfect time especially given the news of the past week and the still many unknowns about the recent discovery of my pregnancy complications. Having real, meaningful conversations with those I love lifted me up so much and encouraged my spirit!

Emotionally, I felt like I was doing okay...handling everything in stride, quoting, "It is what it is." Physically, on the other hand, the extra fluid started to take a toll on my body...requiring me to sit down more than I like, causing pain in my ribs and back... as well as JUST SIT...not lifting, carrying, or helping out in any way. If you know anything about my nature, this is no easy task. I love to jump in and help out. I practiced great restraint and focused on enjoying fellowship and fully embracing the warm wishes of those in attendance. Once the guests had left and my car was loaded, I was on my way back home to see my two other littles.

About 2 weeks ago, we made the decision to hire a mother's helper 5-days a week to support me, our kids and household as it was beginning to become too much for me to do all of that on top of work full-time. Little did I know I would have to rely on her help due to the future recommendation of my medical team of bed rest. (God is so good!) When I got home the kids were still asleep (thankful for afternoon naps!) and the house was spotless. Our helper unloaded the gifts and diapers from the van as we settled into the nightly routine.

I started to have a few contractions after our helper had left and once our kids were in bed (about 7pm). By the time my husband got home from work around 12:30am, some contractions were so bad that I found myself leaning forward, rocking back-and-forth, and breathing heavily through them. After having two babies, I knew these were different contractions than the typical Braxton Hicks, like the contractions I had with the other two and even in this pregnancy starting around 21-weeks.

The contractions finally settled down and I was able to "sleep" for the night. And when I say sleep, I mean my normal 1-2 hour "naps" at a time which result in about maybe 4 hours of sleep per night due to the great amount of physical discomfort I am in.

Sunday. The following day we opted out of attending church. It had been a crazy, emotional, and busy week. We had home church instead: reading the Bible together, having a yummy breakfast and lots of snuggles. The morning went by quickly as my husband had to be at work at 11am downtown. Our helper showed up right on-time at 11am, walking straight to the kitchen to clean up our breakfast dishes. At this point, my contractions started to pick-up again. I was having about 4-5 per hour with many of them feeling like they did the night before...big, tight, painful and having to breath through them. Listening to my body, I knew in my gut I had to go to the hospital and get checked out...if anything just for my sanity...

So I went.

Please stay tuned for the next portion of my story. More to come!

Growing a boy: BACK STORY

On Monday, I was released from the hospital after a 26-hour stay and put on bed rest. I am 32.5 weeks pregnant with my third child, second boy, and am having some "wonderful" complications.

It all started last Wednesday, March 22 at my routine prenatal check-up (31.5 weeks pregnant). At this appointment my doctor discovered that my belly was measuring 40 to 41 weeks pregnant! Wow! I sure felt big but had no idea. At my previous 20 and 28 week appointments I was measuring just one week bigger which is pretty normal. So what happened?!?

There was talk that I might have late on-set gestational diabetes even though my previous glucose challenge came back negative. So, on Thursday morning, March 23, I took the three hour challenge test which involved fasting for 12 hours followed by drinking a 100ml sugar drink (on an empty stomach) and 4 blood draws. The next day, Friday, the results came back...negative. Leaving still more questions than answers.

My doctor also had me schedule a full scan ultrasound to measure baby, fluid and to check to make sure everything was forming properly. After my glucose testing, I headed straight to the ultrasound appointment. This ultrasound was very telling of some significant changes. Here is what I learned during this appointment:

• I have 50+ AFI (level of amniotic fluid); normal range is 8-18 AFI!
• Baby's inputs (drinking/swallowing) and outputs (urine) look good
• Baby is measuring 6-7 lbs (with 8 more weeks to grow)-- YIKES!
• Received my very first 3D ultrasound...it was amazing to see baby boy

The ultrasound was very clinical and left us with more questions than answers. So...we jumped online and discovered that I have what is called polyhydramnios. "Around 1-3% of pregnant women are diagnosed with having too much amniotic fluid. In 60% of cases there is no known cause, but factors that increase fluid volume include:

• The baby producing too much urine
• Decreased fetal swallowing (baby)
• Increased water transfer across the placenta by the mother"
• Taken from: https://midwifethinking.com/2013/08/14/amniotic-fluid-volume-too-much-too-little-or-who-knows/

With that information, we learned that I need weekly ultrasounds to monitor fluid levels and stress on baby. With that, there are risks with polyhydramnios such as:

• Premature birth
• Premature rupture of membranes — when your water breaks early
• Excess fetal growth
• Placental abruption — when the placenta peels away from the inner wall of the uterus before delivery
• Umbilical cord prolapse — when the umbilical cord drops into the vagina ahead of the baby
• C-section delivery
• Stillbirth
• Heavy bleeding due to lack of uterine muscle tone after delivery
• Taken from: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/polyhydramnios/basics/complications/con-20034451

Okay...so what do you do with that information??! We freaked out a little bit at first but then remembered that God is ultimately in control of this little guy and his entrance into this world. Thankfully we discovered all of the possible complications on Friday, the day before my baby "sprinkle" ... timed perfectly for love and support from our family and friends.

My next blog post will reveal the events that lead up to my brief hospitalization and my first few days of bed rest....stay tuned. 

What Does It Mean: Making Time for "Me"

Yesterday was a luxury. My husband "gave me" the morning off from our sick kids so I could sneak out of the house to grade papers at Starbucks and run a few errands. It was an effort to get out of the house since I have been under the weather too but I desperately needed to get away.

I set-up shop at Starbucks with my piping hot coffee, steaming breakfast sandwich and laptop. It only took me an hour and a half to get caught up on emails and papers. I was excited to go to clothing shopping for the kids at the very last Quarter Sale at my favorite consignment shop followed by a quick trip to the Dollar Store to buy supplies for our upcoming neighborhood gathering.

Three hours later, I walked in the door to chaos. Children crying, house a mess, a husband rushing around trying to get out the door to hang out with a friend.

I sat on the couch scarfing down my leftover pizza accompanied by the screeches and cries of my 1 and 2 1/2 year old children who were "napping." What a relaxing homecoming. I wish I could say I felt refreshed and energized after my three hours away but I came home exhausted. Maybe it is being 24-weeks pregnant, recovering from being sick or the lack of sleep at night from my "I don't want to sleep at night" 1-year-old son. Either way it was not what I anticipated.

As I sat on the couch eating I began to think, "what does it mean to take time for me?" Reflecting on the day, I realized the my morning was filled with doing things for other people: grading papers for my students, shopping for clothing for my kids, buying supplies for my neighbors. Although I enjoy all of those things and they do bring me satisfaction to an extent...it was busy and non-refreshing.

So, what does it mean to take time for me?

Becoming a mother has changed how I think about time for me.

Here are 11 new ways I have discovered, "What it means to make time for me:"

1. Taking a nap while the kids are sleeping.
2. Enjoying a HOT cup of coffee while reading a quick devo or a page of a book as the kids eat breakfast.
3. Watching Grey's Anatomy on Thursday nights while folding laundry (side note: this past weeks episode was so disappointing).
4. Calling a friend to catch-up since getting together is a huge challenge with sickness, nap schedules, etc.
5. Shopping without the kids, regardless of what I am buying.
6. The splurge to get a pedicure...ALONE. (My husband supports this habit monthly when I am pregnant...I'm a blessed girl).
7. Sitting in church service on Sundays and Tuesdays (with childcare) as I connect with others who share my beliefs. 
8. Taking a few extra minutes to wash my face in the morning and evening...I LOVE my new Arbonne Products!
9. Blogging :) as my oldest plays on the floor and my son sleeps.
10. Dancing along side my daughter in her mommy & me ballet class.
11. Buying the "expensive" laundry soap and scent boosters for my clothing. It brings me joy to have the fresh, long lasting scent lingering on my clothes. 

Whether you are a mother or not, work full-time or not, it can be hard to make time for "me." How do you do it? What do you do? Please leave comments here. I am always looking for new ways to make time to rest, reflect and rejuvenate in the craziness we call life!

Be blessed.