Sneaking Time: Date Night (or day)

Intentionality. 

 One word I need to put back into my marriage.

It is so easy to focus on all the things left to be done, the exhaustion, and the lack of alone time (where NO ONE needs ANYTHING from me). Not to say that I have the "hang" of our new life as parents, but after 6-months of having our little one here on this earth, I now need to turn some focus back on my marriage and not put so much thought into all of the un-done things or things that in the life-long scheme of life don't really matter.

One way to do this is to be more intention and creative about my time together with my husband. 

Recently, I have discovered we have "default" dates like sitting in front of the TV to watch a movie. Or (with our crazy schedules) staring at each other blankly from across the kitchen realizing that it is actually Friday, date night, and we have nothing planned.

Don't get me wrong, at home dinnering and movie-ing surely have there place (and are easy to do with a baby after an exhausting week). I also realize that every date does not need to be epicly, creative. But I do desire to spark different conversation, deeper laughter, and greater joy than we already have. 

So, when I couldn't sleep last night, I made a list of some date ideas I want to try and/or repeat. Some are easily done with baby (or at home after baby is asleep). Some would be nice if we had a babysitter. Others require a babysitter. I have omitted a few because the hubs does read my blog and I don't want to spoil the surprise. :)

I also want to hear from you!! So please comment on any creative, fun date ideas you have (with or without baby)!! Enjoy!

• Pierce College Planetarium (I didn't even know this existed!!)
• Brown's Point Lighthouse
• TCC's Art Gallery
• Basketball at the local school
• Indoor Camping
• YouTube: Paint or Dance lessons
• Rock Climbing!!
• Farmer's Market
• Plan a color themed meal together
• Bocce Ball
• Eat in front of the fire
• Kite & Picnic Date (pick-up lunch on the way to the park)
• And a million other ideas off this website: www.soundsfunmom.com

 

What are your date ideas?!?!

Expectation: Improvisation

There is little, if anything, in this life that I can control...no matter how hard I try.

I try to control my schedule, food in-take, finances, job status, lifestyle, relationship, household cleaning schedule. (I am sure you can think of a more comprehensive list, but you get the idea.) In some areas and on some days, I feel like I have mastered each one, mounting to a 'perfect' day.

I have a tendency to set-up these controls, fully attached with high expectations, in my mind (usually not communicating them with those around me). I get so determined to see these expectations through (even at a high price--of time, relationship, etc.) but in reality one of those great life lessons I am learning right now is the power and freedom of improvisation.

Unspoken expectations always equals bad news.

unspoken expectations + controlling behavior = bad news

Those around me suffer; and I drive myself crazy with anxiety. What really gets accomplished is regret, stress, and forsaking the 'imperfect' but beautiful moments life gives us when things DON'T go the way we planned them.

I am slowly learning the art of letting go 

and embracing the art of improvisation.

I had a moment to practice this yesterday, on Valentine's day.


About a week ago I injured my right knee. BOO! Okay, who really plans for their whole life to be derailed by such a seemingly minor thing, right? (Yet one more thing I cannot control!). I have been hobbling around, wearing an ace bandage while icing and elevating when I can. Talk about a major inconvienance! Also, I am unable to participate in my weekly exercise class which I have come to dearly love even after just a few weeks of attending. How in the WORLD will I meet my weight goal by next weekend if I am unable to exercise?!?! (I'm participating in a 6-week challenge and we are in our last week).

Improvisation....

My daughter just had her 6-month vaccines and flu shot. This has caused a slight temperature, runny nose and overall "ickiness." She is grumpy, crabby, and sleepy. On top of that with the introduction of solid foods last month, her body is still trying to figure out how to process food. Last month we had wicked blow outs. This month.....um, let's get say there is not really any action going on. Of course, this happens on the same days as her shots. Another BOO! She has been up crying in pain and I feel like a horrible mother (not the truth, I know, but I still feel like a horrible mother...if you are a mom, I know you can relate). So, how do I survive this mentally while comforting my hurt baby....?

Improvisation....

Valentines Day!! Since our dating years, the hubs and I have always bypassed the chocolates, flowers, and fancy dinners and opt for snowshoeing instead. This year was no different. We planned to go with two other couples who also have babies. We were SO excited to share our tradition with them and enjoy God's beautiful creation. As you might guess, this did not happen. :( Baby was up almost ALL night in pain (and the elevation would not help her poo-poo problems); and I have been limping around like crazy (needless to say, snowshoeing would not be the best for my healing process). We were all going to meet at our house for our epic V-Day adventure but the morning of we had to make other plans...

Improvisation....

Our friends were SUPER gracious and understanding. One couple decided to create their own adventure by finding a local hike and the other couple came over for an impromptu V-Day breakfast (bacon, eggs, Swedish pancakes, hash-browns and mimosas!!).  I was able to throw together a beautifully decorated table while my love went to the store for ingredients. It was a great morning of fellowship and love between friends.

Our friends made us feel so loved and realized the power and freedom and love that can come from improvisation.

In the Bible, Jesus calls us to love one another, to carry each others burdens, to consider others before yourself. On this day, our friends not only displayed God's love toward us but made us feel cared for, heard, recognized, and understood. No one got mad, upset or angry. No one bad mouthed us for having to change plans. No one made a big deal about it....out of love and compassion we all improvised and were able to enjoy 'imperfect' but beautiful moments that life gave us when things DON'T go the way we have planned them. This was the BEST Valentine's gift!

A powerful message and one that I will probably need to keep learning as I move through this earthly life.

So, what have I learned? Here are a some thoughts that are worth pondering:

• Have a plan but be flexible.
• Remember: expectation vs. reality
• The world DOES NOT revolve around me and my unspoken expectations
• Improvisation can lead the imperfect but beautiful life moments
• Learn to consider others above myself, despite my expectations
• Love, grace and good communication are keys to maintaining a great relationship.

I pray you are blessed by these words and find ways to bring JOY into those improvised moments in your life...remembering they are not inconveniences, just ways to enact creativity!

Guilty Confessions of a Coffee Drinker & How It Relates to Jesus

It is Tuesday morning. So far the week is off to a great start. Baby is starting to sleep a little better which means I am sleeping a little better. My paid work is caught up. And my husband and I had a great weekend together before he started his crazy weekly schedule.

"I want to celebrate!"  I thought, "...Starbucks on the way to Tuesday morning bible study. Perfect!"

I was pumped!!!

Grabbing baby (and all associated gear) plus bible study materials, I headed out the door a few minutes early to make this celebratory stop.

Side Note: If you have been reading my previous blogs, you might remember the long blonde hair in my Starbucks drink last week? Upon leaving the drive-thru I called the store to inform them of my blonde-hair discovery. They said the next drink was on them.

I made my way to the same Starbucks and got in the drive-thru line...(the correct way! It only took me 3 years to figure out the unspoken rule of the 'correct' entrance point). So, on this particular Tuesday, on top of all of the other good things happening, I was going to get a free Starbucks drink (which I was thankful for because I had no money left on my Starbucks card!).

I decide to splurge a little and get a latte instead of an Americano (Watch out! Real party girl over here!!). I spoke my order into the drive-thru microphone and slowly rolled forward, patiently waiting for those ahead of me to collect their drinks. For some reason I was a little nervous about using my "recovery" drink. A weird thing to get nervous over, I know. You see, the manager just took down my name and nothing else.   ...would they know who I was? ...would they believe me? ..would they still honor it? I had all of these thoughts and more bouncing around in my head.

It was finally my turn. As I approached the pay-station, I roll down my driver's side window in anticipation of my piping hot non-fat latte. It took a minute to be recognized...the morning rush was in full swing. The barista approached the window, handed me the latte and said, "The person in front of you bought your drink."

***I was shocked***

"Wait. What?" My internal thought continues, "No, I was going to use my 'recovery' drink...I'm really confused AND blessed all at the same time."

I got so flustered and shocked, I simply said, "Wow! Okay. Thank you!" And then drove away. My mind was reeling. As I left the drive-thru line and approached the main road, turning right, the direction of church, I began to feel guilty.

Why did I feel so guilty about receiving a gift that someone gave me with no obligation and much generosity? I mean, I didn't have to accept the drink. Then. I began to feel bad about not digging though the change in the car to put towards the person's drink behind me or better yet, using my recovery drink. In the moment, these thoughts did not even cross my mind until I was halfway at church. I was overridden with guilt. 

I know that the person who purchased my drink wanted 

to bless me, not make me feel guilty. 

And then I remembered someone else who gave me a gift with no expectation and much generosity...

JESUS!

In this simple act of kindness from a stranger at Starbucks, Jesus reminded me that He gave up His life for me...not to bring guilt, not to force me to follow a million rules, not to sacrifice for others out of obligation, not to make me feel bad for accepting the sacrifice that He made for me on the cross.

He gave me this gift out of love, generosity, compassion. Jesus died to give me life! He made the greatest sacrifice. In return, he desires my response to be from a heart of the same love, generosity and compassion. He desires me to serve those around me not out of obligation but because it pleases Him. It is sometimes hard for me to understand this great Love, but even through a simple random act of someone purchasing me a Starbucks drink, I see the fingerprints of God; and remember that I am a temple of the Living God who desires to bless me abundantly.

"...I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." Romans 8:1

"Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you." Deuteronomy 16:17

Just another (poopy) day at the office

Okay, lets face it...as parents we ALL have poop stories. Two weeks ago, I was "blessed" to have my very first one. AND of all places, at work. Let me explain.

*IF YOU WANT TO SKIP THE DETAILS, SCROLL DOWN* 

(CAUTION: DOES CONTAIN [not so graphic] ACTUAL POOP IMAGES).

The beginning of January my maternity leave ended. I was thrown into the world of both motherhood and academia. Most people think my *paid* job is easy. From the outside perspective, I can see why. Only two days a week am I physically obligated to go to the office: one day for office hours and another for teaching. The rest of the week I get to work from home. I have a wonderful schedule which affords me ample time with my growing little snugga-monk daughter while still doing what I love (teaching). It also allows me time to sorta keep up with the housework too.

Before I go any further, please let me dispel the myth: I am actually working two (TWO!!) full-time jobs...three if you count being a wife. ;) Although I do get to work from home most days, it is so hard to divide my time and fit my *paid* work in during nap time, distracted playtime (I love our cats!!) or once my Wee-Bit is down for the night. I am not complaining, please don't take it that way, but it is hard.

Added to this dynamic is childcare (you knew it was coming!!). As most new parents know, this transition is more difficult than expected for many reasons. For my family, it has been difficult because of my husband's varied schedule...

• Do we pay someone for a few days a week? 
• But what it my husband is home, what then? 
• What if the college is closed? Do we still want childcare?
• How will we find this person? 
• Will we be able to trust them? 
• Can I pump and store enough milk to be away that long?

...as you can tell, the questions are endless. So, we decided to piece childcare together for the first month and make something work.

 (*THIS IS WHERE THE REAL POOP STORY BEGINS*)

Childcare arrangements changed on this particular "office hour day" which meant, no childcare!!

"Well, I might as well just show her off then," I thought, dressing my daughter in the cutest dress and putting piggy-tails in her hair. Soon, we were traveling the 30-minutes to work. The office staff had been wanting to meet her anyway; and I did not have any appointments on the calendar so of all days, it was a perfect unplanned "Take Your Daughter to Work Day."

As I was driving the interstate, I caught a whiff of a smell stinkier than the "Aroma of Tacoma." As foul as it was, I didn't think much of it. My daughter had been passing bad gas for over a week, so I just figured that was what is was.

Side Note: Just three weeks prior, on New Year's Day, we started feeding Baby solid foods. Her digestive system was still trying to figure out what to do with this new introduction.

I pulled into the staff parking lot, grabbed the stroller out of the trunk, and transported baby (still in car seat) from the car to the stroller. As I walked up to the office, I remember feeling weird about having my personal/family life encounter my professional life. Anyway, I strolled into the office (still smelling the stink), and the office staff leapt up to see the tiny human I brought with me. Oh, they were SO excited to cuddle her!! They immediately wanted to hold her.

BUT something in my mommy superpowers told me to go back to my office and "get settled" before passing baby around.

AM I EVERY GLAD TO HAVE LISTENED TO THAT VOICE!!!

I pushed the stroller down the hall, fumbled to find my office key in the midst of the diaper bag, my lunchbox and teaching materials. Entering my office, I set-up a make-shift changing table on my desk setting out the wipes from the diaper bag and the changing pad we received at a baby shower. I was all set.

As I began to unstrap baby, I realized that there was something vastly different from the way I had placed her in the car seat 40 minutes ago. I laid her down on the changing pad, lifted her dress to begin the diaper change process and... I experienced the "Aroma of Tacoma" x100 and a Mount Saint Helen's eruption all at the same time. WOW! I never knew poop could stink so bad and explode so many places.

Shocked, I grabbed the box of tissues on my desk, the green plastic diaper-disposal bags, and the wet wipes. I think I used about 1/2 the tissue box and most of the wet wipes to clean this giggling little girl. If I was at home, I would have just bathed her!! (I was sad that this was not an option).

The adorable dress, kick-pants, and tights were all soiled...poo up the back, coming over the sides, tucked in her leg folds, and on the tummy. It was so impressive, I wasn't even mad. I did my best to clean her up and put the "evidence" in two black-plastic garbage bags to disguise the smell. Co-workers slowly walked passed my office to see what the commotion was all about. It was embarrassing to say the least. Not to mention the poop smell that wafted down the hall and filled my office. :(

Once the poop was clean, I had to change her outfit. I dug through the diaper bag to find the back-up outfit that I had so carefully picked out about 2 months ago....2 MONTHS AGO. You guessed it...it was too small. The onesie could barely snap...but at least it was cute. The pants kinda of fit around her waist but stopped just a little below her knees...why not wear capris in the middle of winter?! EPIC FAIL!

I think it took at least 20-mintues to get her all cleaned, changed, and the put all the cleaning supplies away. (Well, so much for utilizing my office hours for actual work!!). Once I had her all cleaned up, I took her to the front of the office. I was thankful that one of the office gals took her from me for a little over 20-30 minutes and gave her a tour of the whole office (upstairs and down).

So although it was a huge stinky mess, and occurred at my place of employment, I now consider myself fully initiated into motherhood! If you are a parents, I know that you can totally relate!

THE TAME version of Mt. St. Helen's Eruption










The too small clothes from the diaper bag. 

A Mother Will Do Anything....

It is Friday morning. Most people (without kids) might be excited that the week is finally over. For me, the weekends just run together separated from nothing but the drudge of the same routine. On this particular Friday, I was exhausted (to say the least)!! Baby girl was up every 30-60 minutes during the night (and of course, this happened on a night my husband was working a 24+ hour shift). Of course!

I debated whether or not I should go to my baby-friendly exercise class (Stroller Strides) but decided that since I was already up I might as well make the most of it. So, I put on my "Friday-Best" face, changed into my workout clothes, packed up baby, and headed toward the gym in the DUMPING rain. (I'm thankful I even made it there through my foggy-sleep deprived brain!)

Once I arrived, I was greeted by the familiar, supportive faces. Even with a fussy, overly sleepy baby class was great. Not to say that it was the best workout, but it was good to get out of the house and interact with others who really didn't need (or want) anything from me...for a WHOLE HOUR!! It was great! 

During class, I was hoping baby would fall asleep. She is accustom to falling asleep in public places, snug in her car seat, despite noise and commotion. But on this day? OH NO...she stayed awake from 7:30-11:15am! 3.75 Hours!!! (On top of a very sleepless night) This is very rare for her. To say she was grouchy was an understatement. I was not looking forward to what I thought would happen next.

Class was over and I rushed out so that others would not have to listen to the whimpers of my little human. "She was hungry," I thought, "I will feed her when I get home." I briskly walk to the car to avoid as much of the rain as possible. Swung baby in the backseat, secure in the car seat base, threw the stroller in the trunk and ran to the driver's seat. Phew! We made it...a little wet, tired, and frustrated but we made it into the car. (A huge accomplishment on this day).

Leaving the parking lot, I heard cries, whimpers, and screams from the backseat. By the time I made it 2-minutes down the street, the backseat was silent! At first I thought I just tuned out her noise (a super-power I gained with Motherhood), but when I looked back...she was fast asleep!

"Really??!! Now?! Well, I might as well make the most of it."

Knowing that the pounding rain and the jostling it would take to remove the car seat from the back would wake her up, I decided to go to Starbucks. The drive-thru of course! (I have never used drive-thru's as much as I do now that I am a mother!!).

I purchased a drink and breakfast sandwich and wondered where I should go. I thought about driving down to the water to enjoy the view with my Starbucks treats, but my mind went into auto-pilot and before I knew it I was sitting at home in my driveway...in the pouring rain...with a (FINALLY) sleeping baby.

What's a mother to do?

Slowing pulling up the E-Brake (pulling it too fast wakes her, I have discovered), turning off the car,  reclining my seat, turning up the music (slightly), I enjoyed 40-minutes of "relaxation." Yes, I was just sitting in my car...in my driveway! The falling rain was somewhat therapeutic. The Starbucks coffee (with a long blonde hair in it...YUCK!) was a "nice" treat. The cold breakfast sandwich was just enough to curb my hunger. But the sleeping baby in the back.... PERFECTION!

I soon began to realize a mother will do anything for her baby....here is the evidence:

 

In the light of Eternity...

We are all dealing with challenging things in this life. It is easy to complain, compare to others, or just want to give up.

We ask ourselves:

• Why put in the effort? 
• Why figure out a way to make it work? 
• Is it really worth it?
• Will this ever end?

I have been faced with these questions and emotions times ten over the past few months.

Whether you are dealing with weight issues, work stress, raising children or any other number of problems, we have a decision to make regarding our attitude towards them.

Today I was confronted with the truth, "Does this situation matter in light of eternity?"

This powerful question helped re-direct my thoughts and view my situations with a different perspective.

Here is what is most important:

• Is my relationship with Christ growing? Am I allowing Him to work through the situations I am facing?
• Is my first thought to turn to prayer?
• Am I submitting my marriage to God and allowing God to transform us for His glory?
• Are my actions teaching my daughter about Jesus or distracting her from knowing the Savior?
• Do I trust that God, as Baby's Heavenly Father, cares for her WAY beyond what I can or ever will?
• Is my focus to share Jesus' life, saving power with my family & friends instead of complaining?
• Am I will to allow God to transform me? Disciple me? Through ALL challenges?
• Am I relying on God more than myself?

Follow God, submitting myself to Him, seeing Him in all things, and sharing His power to save...in the light of eternity these things are the things that matter. These things make fighting through my struggles worth it! So, ask yourself, in the light of eternity, does this really matter? 

I Own Nothing...

I own nothing. Nothing is really mine.

WOW! What a sobering thought. All my possessions, special mementos, collections of pictures and so on are really not mine...scarier yet, my daughter really isn't mine either!!

Everything I have is a gift given by God. He is the only One who gives and takes away.

My responsibility, then, is to care for and be generous with all I have, giving Him the glory for it all. Somehow in this world, I begin to think that I can control and obtain things that will give my life more meaning. Why? For power? Comfort? Satisfaction? Recognition? What ever the reasoning, I feel if I have more stuff or can control/hold onto what I have that my life will somehow be better.

FALSE!

It is easy to forget that the Lord should be at the center of it all (not my possessions or earthly relationships).

I need to daily hand over my life to Him and be thankful for what He has given me today (because we are not guaranteed anything for tomorrow!!). I need to better care for the things He was blessed me with. Daily, I need to remember that Jesus is the center of my life not my daughter, marriage, work, friends, etc. I need to give what I have without hesitation and listen to the leading of the Spirit as He commands me to share what I have.

In this there is TRUE satisfaction, joy, and peace. (All three of which I desperately need in my life right now!).

Sharing...such a simple concept (and a concept I deeply desire to instill in my daughter) yet it is often difficult to execute...to let go of the things I have, to lend without expectation of return, to remember that God has and will bless me as I am in His will.

So for now, I remain thankful to have a Heavenly Father who walks with me. I remain thankful for the One who reveals truth, speaks wisdom and washes me with peace.

I am grateful for the life I have in Him & will continue to practice generosity, all the while reminding myself to enjoy what I have today in Him...because in all reality I own nothing and nothing is really mine. It all belongs to Him!

DEFINITION :: "The facade"

DEFINITION :: "The facade" :: The things I say instead of saying what is REALLY going on:

• Oh, yeah, I'm doing great.
• You know, things are busy.
• It just life with a baby... 
• We are just figuring it out one day at a time.
• Everyday is an adjustment.
• Just learning to balance everything.
• I think I have it under control.

But what I'm really saying is;

• I'm so tired I can't even sleep!! Ugh!
• I really don't know how to ask for help. (Even if I did, what would I ask help for?!)
• Life is so chaotic that some days I just want to hide under my apron (if I wore one) & pretend I am invisible.
• I really have NO IDEA what I am doing.
• Everyday we are trying something new to make life work & nothing seems to help.
• There is no such thing as balance in my life right now! Some things just have to give.

But I am reassured that I am not the only new mom facing (or who has faced) moments, days and seasons such as this. I am blessed. I need to learn to be more transparent, be vulnerable, ask of help, accept help that is offered.

To be honest, most days I am not even sure how I feel. I chalk that up mostly to sleep deprivation. But one things is truer and than true...Jesus loves me and has called me into this season.

I am beyond blessed...

• by my husband who helps out so much and just knows when I need a surprise dozen roses or when to book a much needed massage (I can't wait until Saturday!! WOOHOO!!)
• by the smile on my daughter's face and her giggle when we cuddle in the morning.
• by my friends who offer to pray for me and who watch my daughter spur of the moment (shout-out to Courtney!! THANK YOU!!).
• by the comfort and hope given me through Jesus.

So at the end of each day, I pray that I can have victory over the every so "easy" facade and be real, recognizing how blessed I really am because I know one day I will look back on these days fondly and wish I could have just one more snuggle with my little monkey girl or just one more glimpse of her morning smile.

I need to tell myself: It is all worth it!

The Song of My Heart Today...

The One I'm Running To

By: 7enenth Time Down from the album Just Say Jesus 

Midnight
He is staring at the bills and rubbing
Red eyes
Ain't adding up to nothing
But some hard times
He's feeling like a failure at life

Head down
Part of him is tempted just to
Skip town
But deep inside he knows enough to
Cry out
God I'm tired of fighting this fight

I'm running low on faith
But I won't run away

Tonight I'm gonna fix my eyes
On the only Hope who satisfies, my heart
You are the One I'm running to
Everything that's good and right and true
Jesus, I'm coming after who
You are, You are
The One I'm running to

Late shift
She's working hard providing
For her three kids
She hasn't seen her husband cause
Their stretched thin
Nobody told her it would be this hard
There's no end in sight, but she says
No compromise

Tonight I'm gonna fix my eyes
On the only Hope who satisfies, my heart
You are the One I'm running to
Everything that's good and right and true
Jesus, I'm coming after who
You are, You are
The One I'm running to

So much I don't understand
In the middle of this circumstance
But I know my life is in Your hands

Tonight I'm gonna fix my eyes
On the only Hope that satisfies, my heart
You are, You are

Everything that's good and right and true
Jesus, I'm coming after who
You are, you are
The One I'm running to




Publishing: © 2013 Love Journey Music (SESAC), Aevinesaintmusic (SESAC), Moms Like Us Too (SESAC), Wordspring Music, LLC (SESAC), Early Service Music (SESAC), Sony/ATV Cross Keys Publishing (ASCAP), Songs From Exit 71 (ASCAP)
Writer(s): Mikey Howard, Cliff Williams, Ian Eskelin, Tony Wood

(Re)Defining My Identity

"I am more than what you see at this present moment."

It is easy for me to only see myself as "mom." I mean, let's face it, I truly do spend most of my day caring for the sweetest (sometimes crankiest)  little human especially with my husband working a gazillion 24-hour shifts in the last few weeks. It is easy to forget that I am more than "just mom."

I need to redefine my identity.

Oh, how easily I have forgotten that I am also a wife, friend, daughter, sister, cousin, housekeeper, accountant, banker, college instructor...you get the picture. I need to learn not to let any one role define who I am. One word I need to re-learn: BALANCE.

Early on in life I promised myself that I would never be one of "those" woman who puts baby over husband. Wow! Please forgive my judgment!! It is so easy to do and without notice or expectation, I have done this...and for good reason (...as I try to justify in my mind). Baby is only 6-months old!! She needs a lot of attention. But what am I willing to sacrifice to give her that attention? Certainly not my marriage or friendships.

I need to redefine my identity.

I need to remember that I am also a woman. It is okay for me to find a babysitter, put on earrings, wear a top that doesn't have to be breastfeeding friendly (and doesn't smell like spit up!!). And heel!! Perfume! The more obvious...a shower! Oh! That would be nice!

Yet something is still missing. I need to redefine my identity.

I can balance each aspect of my life and still not fully, wholly understand my identity. After all is said and done, my truest identity should only come from Christ and in Christ alone... here is a list to prove it taken from: http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=knowing_who_i_am_in_christ

Once I fully accept who Christ has called me to be (or at least make progress towards it daily), HE will be the One to help me balance the many identities He has blessed me with. I just have to remind myself that this life is not a race...I don't need to adapt and change all in one day (although I wish I would!). God is faithful to complete the good work that He has started in me. I must simply let Him redefine my identity.

WHO I AM IN CHRIST-- MY TRUEST IDENTITY
 
I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:10).
I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5).
I am free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).
I am far from oppression, and fear does not come near me (Isaiah 54:14).
I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me (1 John 5:18).
I am holy and without blame before Him in love (Ephesians 1:4; 1 Peter 1:16).
I have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16; Philippians 2:5).
I have the peace of God that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
I have the Greater One living in me; greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4).
I have received the gift of righteousness and reign as a king in life by Jesus Christ (Romans 5:17).
I have received the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus, the eyes of my understanding being enlightened (Ephesians 1:17-18).
I have received the power of the Holy Spirit to lay hands on the sick and see them recover, to cast out demons, to speak with new tongues.  I have power over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means harm me (Mark 16:17-18; Luke 10:17-19).
I have put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him Who created me (Colossians 3:9-10).
I have given, and it is given to me; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, men give into my bosom (Luke 6:38).
I have no lack for my God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
I can quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one with my shield of faith (Ephesians 6:16).
I can do all things through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:13).
I show forth the praises of God Who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).
I am God’s child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God, which lives and abides forever (1 Peter 1:23).
I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works (Ephesians 2:10).
I am a new creature in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
I am a spirit being alive to God (Romans 6:11;1 Thessalonians 5:23).
I am a believer, and the light of the Gospel shines in my mind (2 Corinthians 4:4).
I am a doer of the Word and blessed in my actions (James 1:22,25).
I am a joint-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17).
I am more than a conqueror through Him Who loves me (Romans 8:37).
I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony (Revelation 12:11).
I am a partaker of His divine nature (2 Peter 1:3-4).
I am an ambassador for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20).
I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9).